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Who let out one of the ghouls from the Haunted Mansion ride at Disneyland?! Somebody needs to get on the phone with Miss Cleo ASAP and beg her to perform a seance to tell Courtney Love to eat a fucking Philly cheesesteak or something. Those control-top granny panties are not helping her cause either. I mean, you don't need control top when there's nothing to fucking control!

This shit is tragic! Court needs to check herself into the Wino Clinic for Trainwrecks and get her mess together.

Jessica Simpson is doing the rounds to promote her new cuntry album. Jess talked to K-FROG 95.1 in Colton, CA about all the rumors surrounding creepy ass Papa Joe. Jess said, "There have been stories that are ridiculous. Like my father really fit me for a training bra. Like, who believes that kind of thing!?"

Okay, I've never heard that one before! But now that she mentions it... Papa Joe probably helped with her first tampon and first breast lump check. He's a hands-on daddy!

Jess also talked about her first cuntry album, "I really just wanted to showcase the talent that God has given me and I don't believe that in pop music I ever had the chance to stand on two feet and stand firm."

God given talent?! "The talent God has given her" would be best showcased in Hustler magazine and not in music!

Below is the entire interview with K-FROG. Big tittied frog on K-FROG!

VIA UsWeekly

Ellen Degeneres won her 1,345th Emmy last night for hottest gayelle on TV or something like that and she used the time to talk about her upcoming wedding to Mandy Rogers aka Portia de Rossi. Does anybody know why this bitch went from Mandy Rogers to Portia de Rossi? That's like me going from Michael K to Ferrari Von Tessa.

So... Mandy showed off her huge pink diamond engagement ring on the red carpet last night. Pink diamonds? What the hell kind of gayelle is she? Her ring should be made of plaid diamonds with a band made of wood.

Ellen and Mandy also confirmed they have a wedding date all set. Ellen told People, "Planning a wedding is very stressful. It is crazy. My gardener is now invited. I can't wait to be married. I feel like it is long overdue. And I think someday people will look back on this like women not having the right to vote and segregation and anything else that seems ridiculous like we all don't have the same rights."

If her gardener is invited then Izzy better sure as hell have an invitation in the mail. Fuck, Izzy should be the maid of honor!

The she-devil terrorist known as Rachel (I know it's "Rachael," but I want to piss her off) Ray won an Emmy last night. A fucking Emmy. And the award wasn't for being the biggest cunt with a gay husband. You can't tell me her husband ain't a salad-tossing-loving homo. Those eyes have definitely seen their fare share of bear daddy porn.

Anyway, RACHEL's show won Best Talk Show (Entertainment). You know, because seeing a fake ass walking sausage screaming "EVOO," "delish" and "good to go" every 5 seconds is real entertainment. This award is only feeding the beast. RACHEL must be stopped!

Speaking of feeding the best, TyTy Baby also won herself an Emmy for Best Talk Show (Informative). I mean, she was up against Dr. Phil. TyTy is going to talk about this Emmy for at least the next 300 years. Every conversation will start with, "Well, when I won the Emmy" or "You know what my Emmy award taught me?" Bitch could have at least put on a lacefront that wasn't made out of HoHan's leftovers and Barbie pubes.

Click here to see all the Daytime Emmy winners from last night. I mean, Rachael Ray?! Methinks a devil named Oprah is behind this!

I really hope Chicken Cutlets is on the pill because if she's not, then she's definitely knocked up with frozen yogurt's baby. Yesterday, the international supermodel had hot, unadulterated mouth sexy times with a cup of frozen yogurt in Los Angeles. She's going to give birth to a huge plate of chicken tzatziki! Get a freezer, PP! There were children watching. You know that little boy will never touch a plate of chicken cutlets again.

Here's more of the sexiest pair of chicken cutlets giving fellatio to a cup of frozen yogurt. And after her poultry-yogurt sex session, she got a mani-pedi. Naturally.

Anthony Geary - Luke from "General Hospital" - Congrats to Anthony for winning an Emmy last night!

Juliette Lewis (35)
Prince William (26)
Brandon Flowers (27)
Larry (or Lana?) Wachowski (43)
Doug Savant (44)
Michael Gross (61)
Meredith Baxter (61)
Tony Scott (64)
Mariette Hartley (68)
Jane Russell (87)