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Not Steven Fucking Tyler!!! And the pepaw is posing in those things like he's feeling sexy in them. I blame all of his booze and drugs problems on Crocs! I also blame them for making him look like Carly Simon.

I'm seriously starting to see those plastic vagina shoes everywhere! They are taking over the Earth and soon we will be a world filled with Crocs. I mean, they started making Crocs high heels. The fugness must end!

Since today is obviously "dirty ass" day at Dlisted, here's a related quote from Jack Black. Jack talked about all the ways he used entertain himself as a child.

"I also put Coco Pops in my butt. Why? For comedy and experiment. I was a scientist and I discovered you could put a lot of them up your butt."

My stomach doesn't even want to know what he did with those Coco Pops after they fell out of his ass. Fudge coated Coco Pops! I'm sure there's still a few up in there. Snap! Crackle! Poop! Oh wait, that's Cocoa Krispies. He probably stuck those up there too.

Source VIA ONTD

Sherri Shepherd looks like she wandered into a fancy pants gay club. Talk about a boner killer. Sherri's stupid ass visited The Chippendales show last night in Las Vegas. I thought Chippendales dancers were supposed to be hot? I just see a bunch of butterfaces with douchey tattoos.

It's hard for me to find any male stripper hot ever since my friend told me a little story.

I might have told this crap before, so just roll your eyes and move along if you've heard it before. So, my friend was at some bachelorette party and of course they had some guido stripper shaking his junk for all of them. Guido stripper went from girl to girl and practically dick slapped. The next day, my friend's eye was all swollen and nasty. She went to the doctor and guess what was in that bitch's eye? A fucking dead crab. Hell no! This is why you should always wear blue blockers around guido strippers.

Hopefully, Sherri got a crab in her eye and it will keep her off "The View" for a couple of days. Oh and I was just joking about not finding male strippers hot. I'd do sexy times with all of them, crabs and all. I'd just bring my own melted butter for dipping.

This Heinz Deli Mayo ad featuring two dudes kissing was taken off the air after receiving more than 200 complaints in one week from a bunch of sensitive whores. I mean, the ad doesn't even have tongue or a salad toss. The whiners bitched that the ad was "offensive" and "unsuitable to be seen by children" and also forced them to talk about same-sex relationships with their kiddies.

Heinz UK said, "It is our policy to listen to consumers."

Several gay rights group have already asked for a boycott of all Heinz products. One of the HBICs of Stonewall, a gay rights group, told The Telegraph, "We're shocked that an innocuous ad should have been withdrawn in this way. I can't imagine that Heinz would respond to protests about black people featuring in their adverts."

Heinz needs to send me the addresses of all the 200 measly skanks who complained. I'll send them private videos of all the kinky homo shit I can do with mayo. Give them something to really complain about. Mmmm....mayo. I can eat that shit by the spoonful. I can eat mayo and butter sandwiches all day long. But not Heinz! I'm a Hellmann's lover anyway.

VIA Towleroad

Thanks Ben

Solange is standing a little too close to HoHan's private pussy. She better stand back or HoHan's greasy snatch hands will attack the Beyonce-hand-me-down-wig sitting on her head! Solange also doesn't want HoHan's twatty ciggie breath screaming at her, "Get your 15-year-old Full House ass off my girlfriend!" Yeah, Solange isn't 15 and has never been on "Full House," but that's the only insult HoHan knows.

Luckily, this didn't happen, but it does look like someone attacked Solange's dress or maybe it came that way? Beyonce probably gave her basement baby sister that dress as a birthday pressie and told her it was a Dior original, but it's really made out of orange silk flowers on clearance from Joann.

Here's Solange, SamRo, HoHan, Beyonce and Mama Knowles at Solange's birthday party. Was her party held in the basement?!

Brit Brit and KFed were both at a child custody hearing today. There was a press conference afterwards and I was hoping for a little Dollhouse Dude action, but he wasn't there. Where oh where is he? He's too famous for that shit anyway. He's probably on an international comedy tour or possibly sitting in the Smithsonian. We knew him when......

Anyway, TMZ reports that there were some changes in Brit and KFed's custody arrangement. The Commish has reportedly given Brit Brit overnight visitations. She previously had 3 days of vitiations from 9am to 5pm.

There will be another hearing on July 15th.

I'm sure SPF and JJ are pretty fucking excited. KFed only allows them to take a bong hit before bedtime, but mommy lets them have a couple of bong hits and a whole cup of Purple Drank!

Last week, there was a story about Wonky stomping into some pet store to buy a little doggy for a fashion shoot. The store denied her ass. Well, she's denying the incident ever happened. Wonky took to her MySpace to cry about it. You have to read it in her baby slut voice. It's the only way.

I wasn't looking for a new pet, I wasn't even at a photo shoot that day, (I was down the street at Benji's DCMA clothing store) and I actually have a Yorkie puppy. I love animals and the cruel things people say are not acceptable. Puppies are not accessories or toys and I love my own pets dearly--I treat them as if they were my children. Of course I support pet adoption from shelters, and I made sure that my BFF show involved a local one to spread the word about how these animals need loving owners. So it is sad that someone felt the need to invent a story about me throwing a fit for a dog that would "go with my outfit."

I have no idea where people come up with these stories and they are spreading to so many news outlets that I just have to speak my mind and clear things up, especially with my fans. I love you all and appreciate your messages, as always.

Blah...blah...blah! Does this rancid twat expect us to believe that she knows how to write? She had one of her ass crabs type this shit out and one of her twatty worms proofread it.

If this ho is going to treat her children the same way she treats her pets, then Child Protective Services better open up a file on that bitch right now.

Image: Jim Brooks

Since we're on the subject of dirty asses (see below), a spa in Russia has unveiled a giant enema monument. I know where I'm going for my summer vacation. The $42,000, 800lb bronze enema is surrounded by three little angels. The spa director said the angel's names are Tommy Girl, Clay Gayken and Richard Gere.

The spa director also said, "There is no kitsch or obscenity, it is a successful work of art. An enema is almost a symbol of our region."

The spa is located in the Caucasus Mountains regions. CACA MOUNTAINS?! This shit is too much. The region is known for dozens of spas where enemas are performed with water from local mineral springs.

The spa also hung a giant banner that says, "Let's beat constipation and sloppiness with enemas."

A bronze enema monument in the Caca Mountains? This spa better expect a little visit from Star Jones' ex-beard. Build a giant enema and Gay Al Reynolds will cum come.

Source

Thanks Jello Wanabe

Basically, this dude right here shoved a cell phone up his ass. You see, Jeffrey Barrier was arrested at a tanning salon in Cincinnati for allegedly trying to take pictures of a nekkid woman. 41-year-old Jeffrey stood on a chair to get pictures of the chick. When the fuzz arrived, Jeffrey denied away and said he didn't have a camera with him.

When the police searched his ass, literally, they found the shitty cell phone camera. Don't ask me how this sick fuck got the cell phone up his ass. Don't ask me to demonstrate either. I save fuckery like that for the end of the week. My ass needs a couple of days to recover.

Seriously though, he's one talented butt fucker. I bet he can text his friends with his sphincter. And screw a mug shot! I want an ass shot! His ass can probably smile and wink for the camera too!

Source: The Smoking Gun

Rod Stewart suckin' on chichi (NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

James McAvoy's six pack is real - Just Jared

Spice up your life with Doogie Howser - Towleroad

Beyonce with child - Popsugar

Katherine Heigl's never-ending bikini vacation - Hollywood Tuna

Brit Brit looking sexy hot in a bikini....not really - Egotastic!

Douche in Paris - Lainey Gossip

Punched by famous hos - Cityrag

Orlando Bloom goes to the beach, bares his ass - Popsugar

Gwen Stefani is forever knocked up - Hollywood Rag