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La Pequeña has returned with a new wig, dress and song. Damn! Who knew they made such hot wigs for children?! This shit was probably a Bratz children's wig and La Pequeña made it her own. She has serious beauty skills. And when is this sexy slut going to get her own TV show, movie, record deal, cosmetics line and......sex tape?

Wait a tiny dick minute! Mini-Me is going to need a new co-star for the sequel to his sex tape. Just imagine Mini-Me and La Pequeña bumping baby nalgas! No, don't imagine that, unless you don't want to sleep for the next week or two. Culo! Culo!

Thanks Opiedog

Anne Hathaway's skeezy ex-beard, Raffaello Fulloshitty, was in a NYC court room this morning on fraud and money laundering charges when he suddenly had to be taken to the hospital. No, not because he had a tampon stuck up his ass, but because he had a "sinus infection."

His rep told People, "He had an episode in the courtroom which lead to him being transported to a nearby hospital for evaluation. I do not have the specifics on what type of treatment at this time but [it's] for a severe sinus infection."

I think I was born with a sinus infection and have had it ever since and you don't see me crying into the arms of a nurse. Well, I would if he had a nine-incher and a Central Park West condo.

Anyway, Raffy's no-no hole probably had the "severe sinus infection" after it realized it will be prime meat in the chokey.

Raffy is facing charges after he lied about being the CFO of the Vatican, so that he could buy properties owned by the Catholic Church at a discount. At his hearing this morning, the judge set his bail at $21 million and put him on house arrest. House arrest?! Even Jesus is saying "WTF?" to that!

I should've stopped at the "daddy just came." Anypedo, Hulk Hogan just had to visit the set of Brooke Hogan's July Maxim photo shoot. Pop Tarts reports that daddy showed up to make sure his 20-year-old daughter didn't show too much skin. Yes, because the Hogans are such conservative puritans and they want to maintain that image in the public's eye. As you can tell, Hulk really cracked the whip during this shoot. She looks like a nun! Please, he cracked the whip alright, but in the privacy of his own basement.

And Brooke shouldn't try to make "sexy face" because it's looking more like "I just doodied in my panties face."

Visit Maxim to see more airbrushed pictures of Hulk's little girl.

Pull out the Kleenex and KY, because a Mini-Me sexy time tape is upon us! It's what your genitals have been waiting for. TMZ has a "tiny" clip of Verne Troyer tonguing his girlfriend at the time. SugarDVD has reportedly offered $100,000 for the sex tape, but no deal has been made.

I need to see this now, just so I know what Mini-Me is working with. I bet he has taquito dick with extra cheese. I mean, does it even reach?!

They better call this shit "Mini-In-Me" or I'm going to be pissed!

Click here to watch the "short" clip and try not to bust a nut all over your keyboard.

Naomi Campbell is not wanted at Nelson Mandela's 90th birthday celebration this weekend in London. Mandela himself demanded that Naomi be taken off the list of presenters. She was supposed to introduce some musical acts and shit, but Mandela is not happy with her recent arrest and now she's been banished to the bleachers.

A source told the Daily Mail, "The man himself intervened and she was pulled off the list. He was disappointed with her recent arrest - particularly as she was wearing a 46664 baseball cap at the time."

46664 was Mandela's inmate number and it's also the name of his AIDS charity. The source went on to say, "The organizers felt that this type of negative publicity goes against everything Mandela stands for and didn't want her arrest to be associated with the charity concert." Naomi and Mandela have been friends for over 10 years and she even called him her "honorary pepaw." Well, she said "grandfather," but you know...

Seriously, you need serious help when even the all-forgiving Nelson Mandela doesn't want to deal with your crazy antics. I mean, even Amy Wino has been invited to take the stage.

Naomi should stay home anyway and spend the night rubbing Rogaine foam on her head.

Tim McGraw was performing a show in Auburn, Washington last night when he noticed some chunky ass redneck allegedly hitting a woman. Tim called for security and then tried to pull the country bear on stage. When security got the dude on stage, Tim looked like he was about to bitch punch the guy. Please, Tim wouldn't screw up his fancy manicure.

Tim's spokeswhore explained the situation to People, "While Tim was performing at the White River Amphitheater in Auburn, Washington, last night, he watched a man rush to the front of the stage. This overly aggressive fan attacked a female fan and Tim witnessed this incident. Tim called for security, but when they could not respond quick enough, Tim and several crew members removed the fan from the audience where he was then turned over to the local authorities."

Getting drunk on moonshine and man-handling a woman at the Tim McGraw show? So cliche! I think that's part of the initiation into the dumbass redneck club. And it looks like the dude was wearing one of his good wife beaters last night. It's a shame it got ruined.

John Mayer was dating Minka Kelly before he met the love of this month his life, Jennifer Aniston. Page Six reports that John called up Minka to let her know what was coming. A source said, "Minka received a call from John prior to the story breaking about his relationship with Jennifer. He apologized to Minka, 'Sorry, but I'm really in love.' " She found that interesting as, "during his relationship with her, John mentioned, 'I don't really get this Jennifer Aniston thing.'"

That John is such and honest and caring tool. If this Aniston thing doesn't work out, he would be a prime candidate for eHarmony. Wait, that's probably where he met Aniston.

And he's in love with Aniston?! Probably because she's the only chick that didn't vomit when she saw his abnormally shaped dick and urethra. You know he has one of those. (NSFL warning) Click here (Seriously, don't click) to see it.

Here's John outside of his hotel in Manchester, England today posing for pictures with his fans.

Unfortunately, Cher's last living fan is really annoying and really, really handsy. Cher was with friends at Tootsie's in Nashville when 36-year-old Calvin Hutton Houghland kept bothering her ass. Cher was sitting in a roped off area reserved for plastic corpses and Calvin kept trying to get her attention. The police report claims that Calvin "managed to reach past the roped off area and grabbed Cher by the waist."

The dumb fug was kicked out of Tootsie's, but he came back a little while later and kept harassing Cher. Security came to her defense, so Calvin called the fuzz and said he was the one being assaulted. Genius move. When the police arrived, they found that Calvin actually assaulted Cher when he grabbed her waist. He was told to leave, but he kept coming back and finally asked to be arrested. He probably realized that if he's hitting on Cher, he deserves to be locked up forever. And he should be locked up forever.

Calvin said he had 3 beers that night and he failed a sobriety test. 3 beers and he's hitting on Cher?! I would hate to see the way he behaves after a couple of kamikaze shots. And is it just me or is Cher's stalker kind of hot? Ugh....I need to get some.

Source: Tennessean

Thanks Charles

Last night was the premiere of "Celebrity Family Fued" featuring the Ice-T family against the Joan Rivers family. It looked like Dr. 90210's office exploded all over the stage. Tupperware faces and Ziploc bag chichis. I shouldn't say that. The always sophisticated CoCo's natural-looking tittays are made out of liquid diamonds.

Anyway, this shit did not have enough of CoCo's elegance in it! Fuck all those other people. The whole hour should've been devoted to Coco bouncing up and down, giggling and screaming, "shaaaake your booooteeeeee" over and over again. I watched that part like a million times and now I think I'm pregnant with her child. We're going to name it MarshMallow.

Unfortunately, the genius of CoCo was no match for the Rivers family. But Ice-T did manage to get bleeped when asked, "What is slippery and hard to hold on to?" The correct answer is CoCo's dignity. I'm joking. She's made out of dignity....and liquid diamonds.

Above is CoCo and her booooteeeeee and below is Ice-T getting bleeped.

Robot Call Girl told InTouch Weekly that her daughters, ages 3 and 4, are currently in therapy because of her messy divorce to Prostitute Tranny Infested Sperm. She said, “My kids are in therapy. It’s very sad that they need to be there, but they do for now. On the other hand, it’s good they have an outlet to deal with their feelings and someone who is just their advocate.”

No, it's really sad that she's telling their business to InTouch! She claims she's speaking out to help other parents, “If I can help anyone feel better about their kids being in therapy — then something else good has come of this, too." Irv Richards needs to come and get his daughter and take her out for a colonic because she's full of shit! I mean, she is constipated.

Thanks to their lube-for-brains parents, Sam and Lola will need therapy for the rest of their lives. They aren't the only ones that need help, Denise and Charlie should both sit on the shrink's couch. Better yet, they should be locked up in the looney bin.