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Amy Wino was a no-show at a photocall for Nelson Mandela's birthday concert today. Instead, she visited Blaaake in the pokey and bought some little bottles of booze at the store. Party!!! Actually, three little bottles of booze is not much of a Wino party. I mean, what's a Wino supposed to do with those measly things? Snort em' whole? Oh. Yeah, probably.

Wino is on the list of performers at Mandela's birthday concert tomorrow and who knows if she'll show. We should start taking bets. I'll bet $10 that her crackhive will show, but she won't.

In other Crackie of Camden news, Rolling Stone did this totally sad article and interview with Wino. It's a total downer. I needed some crack myself after reading that shit.

Basically, Wino knows she's a druggie and she doesn't give a fuck. She doesn't seem to think she has a problem. She admits to cheating on Blaaaake and doing drugs in rehab. You just want to slap the crack out of her because she just doesn't get it.

She did talk about Dreamboat Doherty though! She said, "I asked Pete to do a concept EP, and he made this face, he looked at me like I'd pooed on the floor. He wouldn't do it. We're just really close." That's probably because she did poo on the floor and didn't know it.

Or is it 2 dudes, 1 dog? Or 3 dogs? Any of those work.

Justin Timberlake looks so happy he could queef. He always has bitch face. Jessica Biel should use a bigger strap-on his ass so he would loosen up some more.

And who the hell did that to Jessica's hair?! It reminds me of when my mommy gave my sister a haircut when we were little. My mommy took the kitchen scissors in one hand and my sister's bangs in the other hand and chopped them in one swoop. It left my sister with asymmetrical bangs that were too short! That poor bitch looked like an Emo gayelle.

Maybe my mommy is moonlighting as Jessica Biel's bang-cutter. Bang-cutter. That sounds really gross and inappropriate.

Dlisted reader Monica sent me this picture of Disney's Hannah Montana Peen candy she found at her local Walmart. This is the best the Disney could do? I mean, they are a whore factory! They could have given us something to really choke on. This shit is just a shorty with Cisco Adler nuts.

Disney should get in touch with the people who make Gummi Lighthouse Peens. Their shit is short, but at least it's erect.

And yes, Monica and I are both 11-years-old.

It seems like Hugh Jackman lives at the beach. If I looked like that, I guess I'd always be half-nekkid at the beach. Shit, I'd be nekkid at the damn beach. And does Hugh ever have a "fat" moment? His ass lips could probably bench press more than me. That's nothing say much though. Your ass lips could probably bench press more than I ever could.

Hugh spent a lovely day at la playa with his family in St. Tropez. I also threw in some pictures of Rev Run in Maui. Now that's some real delicious chocolate right there. I'd take Rev. Fun over Hugh Jackman any day of the week. More ounce to the bounce, more bacon for the takin'! I'd probably suffocate to death during sexy times with Rev Run, but it would be worth it.

22-year-old Ranae Shrider from Kentucky is the woman who did sexay times on tape with Mini-Me. TMZ reports she's an aspiring model and Mini-Me's ex-girlfriend. Mr. and Mrs. Shrider must be so proud of their little daughter. They're telling out their church friends that lil' RaeRae (that's why they call her) is starring in her first feature with the one and only Mini-Me!

Okay, in all seriousness now. Somebody please find the full sex tape. I know it's out there and I need to see what Verne's snausage looks like.

Here's more pictures of RaeRae with Mini-Me. She looks like she could swallow him whole. Oh and of course she has a picture with Wonky McValtrex. This is all Wonky's fault!

Gawker posted a blind item today and I must know the answer! The answer will lead to the man of my dreams! Here's the item:

WHICH morning CNBC reporter keeps a jar of mayonnaise under his desk? He eats it straight, with a spoon.

You know how I feel about mayo. The CNBC mayo lover and I can take mayo baths together, sleep in sheets made of dried mayo and make little mayo babies.

I don't watch that smart TV shit, but thanks to the internets, I found that Joe Kernen, Carl Quintanilla and Mark Haines are on CNBC morning shows. I'm putting my money on Mark Haines. He looks like he enjoys a good mayo bukkake.

42-year-old Deven Traboscia of Palm Beach Gardens, FL is auctioning off her home and herself in a package deal. The single mother of 2 has posted an auction on eBay as well as an ad on Craigslist. She's been divorced for 8 years and hopes she'll find a man and a buyer for her house. Her Craigslist ad reads:

Marry a Princess Lost in America
Create the Magic with this Fairy Tale Princess

Traveling Lady in immediate need of her Prince Charming, someone who wants to share & create magical moments, imaginations & fantasies for LIFE!!!

If you want to live the never ending dream and experience the real love, life and the romance you have always felt was a fairytale then this is the vibrant outstanding woman of your dreams!

To sweep this European Loving Lady off her feet send in your application right now.

Deven's home is 2000 sqft on a 5,227 sqft lot. Wait, maybe those are her body measurements. She told ABC Action News that a man from Europe is coming to Florida to meet her and see the home. She's going to be fucking pissed when Sacha Baron Cohen as Bruno shows up with his camera crew.

Deven included a few pictures of herself and her home in the auction, but she looks nothing like those pictures! The second thumbnail below is what Deven's ass looks like now. False advertising! And what does "European Loving Lady" mean? Does that mean she's into kinky shit?

The eBay auction has since been removed by a bunch of fun killers, but bidding started at 99 cents with a $500,000 shipping and handling fee. Deven's Craigslist ad is still up, so the fairy princess and her dream home can still be yours for the rock bottom price of $500,099. Or you can just buy me for a two piece and a biscuit.

So if Skeletor is performing on stage and JLo and her Jello Jigglers are watching from the audience, who's talking care of the Dragon Tales twins? You know, because JLo and Skeletor don't have any nanny help or so they say. The DT Twins are probably back at the hotel by themselves, playing in Skeletor's coffin and crawling on JLo's gorilla fur collection.

And I must say that in this lighting, JLo actually looks....good. You can't see the 30 tons of bronzer that is usually sitting on top of her face. And the chichis......well.....they look pretty good. The back matches the front, for now.

Here's JLo and Skeletor at his show in Spain last night.

Seeing Dr. Phil at a George Michael show would be like seeing Rojo Caliente in a mini-skirt and tube top. It's not right and it's a little offensive. Well, Dr. Phil was at George Michael's concert last night in Los Angeles with his wifey and his presence didn't go unnoticed.

TaraDi's Popcast reports that about 30-minutes into the show, George started laughing a bit and quietly said, "...No this is too mean." He then told the audience that Dr. Dumb Fuck was in the front row with his wifey. Some of the crowd started to applaud and some started to boo at Dr. Phil's stupid fucking head!

George said that Phil's wife looked like she was having a good time, but that Phil looked miserable. The camera then showed Phil's ugly mug on the screens and that's when the audience erupted in boos. George ended by telling Phil, "You should see someone about that!" Everyone cheered and Phil and wifey apparently headed for the exit.

You just know Dr. Phil asked for his money back. Dr. Phil deserved it! He deserves to get booed wherever he goes. So the next time you're pissing next to Dr. Phil in a urinal, zip up and poo boo in his face.