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It was only a matter of time before someone would be inspired by the extreme sexiness of Carrot Top. John Galliano showed his Spring '09 shit in Milan Paris today and sent out his dude models with giant fire bushes sitting on their heads. This is the future of beauty! Trust this.

Now if you'll excuse me, I must run out to get a couple of spiral perms, followed by a good hair soak in Phoebe Price's bathwater.

Duck! There's a crackie bomb head our way! Actually, it's a piece of gum, but it's been inside Wino's mouth which means it's a crackie bomb. Wino launched her gum at the audience during her set at Glastonbury today. Expect to see that little jewel on eBay. That's not funny, because Hazmat should have rushed in and confiscated that toxic shit.

Wino was back to her old tricks tonight! During her set, she shouted Blaaake a million times and told the crowd he's getting out in to weeks. Bitch doesn't know what she's talking about. She could say that water is wet and I still wouldn't believe her crackie ass. When Wino mentioned Blaaaake, the crowd booed and she responded, "Don't boo. I'll find your phone and ring your mum and tell them about your bad manners. Manners cost you nothing."

The best part was when Wino went into the audience and elbowed a bitch and then tried to punch their ass. Luckily, Steve from Jerry Springer was there to break it up. Seriously, that dude looks just like Steve.

Wino also told the audience to get ready for Jay-Z and to be "grateful they weren't getting Kanye West as he is a cunt." Kanye is going to rip his Macbook Air to shreds while responding to that comment.

Below is the video of Wino having a crackie scuffle with an audience member. She really should have slapped the audience bitch with her crackhive instead. That ho would've been out cold.

Eva LongWHORIA wants more privacy as much as I want another bad case of genital crabs. This attention whore has to be joking. Obviously, bitch hasn't learned how to read yet, because there's no way she would have the audacity to put that shit on if she knew what it said.

According to INO, you can buy this fugly shit for $50. Yeah, 50 clams for that rag. You can make it yourself with an old ass Haines t-shirt and some duct tape.

Here's LongWHORIA and Tony Porkme at lunch yesterday.

It's been a while since I've posted anything on this lil' marshmallow vampire. It's nice to see Kiki smiling and showing off her snagtooth. It was only a three months ago she was in rehab for being really, really sad or something.

I don't know how Kiki can drink a Corona without a lime. The best part about drinking that shit, is sticking a salt-covered lime in the bottle and then watching it overflow. Of course, boring ass Kiki drinks it bare.

Here's Kiki with her brother, Christian, in NYC yesterday. I swear I've seen her brother standing outside of my local deli, asking for a quarter or a cigarette.

UPDATE: I'm blind and slow. There's a lime floating in Kiki's Corona. I apologize to snagtoof for assuming she doesn't the correct way to drink a Corona.(Thanks Christa)

The paps act like they've never seen a tranny clown before! Xtina was mobbed yesterday afternoon while leaving the extremely private restaurant, The Ivy. The paps probably went berserk on her ass, because she wasn't wearing any period grease on her lips. I thought that red shit lipstick was permanent!

And why were the paps all over Xtina when that hot bitch Dolph Lundgren was also at The Ivy?. I mean, he was He-Man for fucks sake!

Wino's just picking a little cokey booger for later. She likes to recycle. As you know, Wino showed up and performed at Nelson Mandela's birfday concert yesterday. Of course, Wino was not going to miss the opportunity to make a plea for her Blake Incarcerated. While singing "Free Nelson Mandela" during the finale, Wino changed the words to, “Free Blakey my fella.” Only the Crackie of Camden would have the nerve to pull that shit! She probably got major side-eye from Mandela.

After the show, Wino returned to her chambers at The Clinic where she's receiving treatment for being one of the biggest crackheads in the known universe.

Wino is expected to play Glastonbury, but apparently organizers aren't sure if she's going to show up. The Mirror reports that the Artic Monkeys has been put on standby just in case Wino and her crackiehive don't show up. They should just leave a trail of ice pops from The Clinic to the Glastonbury stage to ensure that Wino's mess shows up.

It came from the grave...... Eeek! If the whole international superstar thing doesn't work out for Madge, she can always get a job as the Crypt Keeper's hand double. And no, she's not wearing her wedding ring. Despite all the rumors that her marriage is in the shitter, Madge and her family showed up to Friday night services at the Kabbalahahaahha Center in NYC last night.

The Sun reports that Guy Ritchie will fly his ass to NYC this weekend to try and save his marriage. A source said, “It is make or break time for Guy and Madonna. She is completely focused on rehearsals for her tour in America and can’t come back to London. They want to make the marriage work, but they are at a stalemate. Divorce is something they have thought about.”

The source also claims that the main issue is that Madge wants to move her family to NYC, but Guy wants to stay in England. A few Dlisted birdies told me that the main issue is that Guy can't keep his "other guy" in his pants. I'm surprised to hear that he still has a dick. I thought that Madge's vagina of death chomped that thing off a while ago.

If Madge moves back to NYC, does this mean she will finally drop that truly hideous British accent? If only.

The television event of the century has been called off! Latarian Milton was supposed to fly to California next week to bring a little "hood rat stuff" to Judge Judy. Judge Judy has taken back her invitation after Latarian's memaw, Vikkita Stratford, told CBS12 that the Judge Judy show approached her about suing her own daughter.

Vikkita said the show requested she sue Latarian's mother for $5,000 to pay for the damages made to her SUV. The SUV that Latarian stole and took for a joy ride. The show was going to fly Latarian, his mommy and his memaw to California for the July 1st taping.

Judge Judy issued a statement saying she canceled the taping after finding out the shady deal, "Judge Judy does not believe in fostering litigation and if that is what happened, then canceling the case was the only option."

JJ only canceled the show to save face after she got caught!

I might as well throw my TV in the trash now that Hood Rat Stuff isn't going to be on it anytime soon. I shouldn't be so negative. Latarian will soon grace our television screens. He's on to bigger and better things like a co-starring role on "Cops" or his own show on Vh1. "Hood Rat Stuff of Love."

File this under: I needed pictures of this shit STAT! MSNBC's The Scoop claims The Dragon Tales twins' mommy wants people to think that she's too good for even the first-class lounge at airports.

A witness said, “Not even the first-class lounge was good enough for her. She kept slipping into a door inside the lounge, so people thought it was like a special VIP area. Turns out, it was just a storage closet. Give her credit for wanting to be left alone, but hiding in a storage closet? That's a little extreme.”

The image of JLo in her rabbit fur coat, diamonds and mink eyelashes, sitting on a cardboard box while Skeletor sniffs the cleaning products has made my weekend.

Spencer Pratt has made the biggest mistake of his douche life by lashing out at the evil troll known as Mary-Kate Olsen. Spencer responded to MK telling David Letterman that she went to high school with Spencie and that he has a bad temper. That's all she said!

Well, Twatty Pratt fired back to UsWeekly, "I don't really get why she'd use my name to get press for her little indie film that no one's going to see. She should probably focus more on not getting dressed in the dark than on me. I know I've made it in Hollywood when a famous troll is talking about me on Letterman. I forgive her, though. She's had to go through life as the less cute twin, which must be tough."

I'm sure MK is crying into her piles and piles of money. She's probably so upset that she's shitting into her piles of money. Scratch that. Evil trolls don't go doody time.

Twatty messed with the wrong evil troll. MK will get her revenge! He should stay away from bridges and large trees for a while.