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According to US Magazine, MiserAlba has finally birthed her placenta laden infant. Previous rumors were that she named her Honor, but no name has been released and her rep whores have yet to comment.

She ought to be back to her pre-pregnancy size and weight by 9:00 a.m. tomorrow morning thanks to the magic wonders of Hollywood lipo, needles and wet/dry vacs. What ever stupid name she gives her little bundle of misery, her golden brown chichi's better despense low-fat chocolate milk to make up for it.

She squeezed her daughter out at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles this weekend. Her and Cash wed on May 19 and moved into a $4 million Beverly Hills home with their three dogs.

Congrats MiserAlba!

Don't call Peta! No animals were hurt during the making of these hair hats. I think. They were made by Japanese artist Nagi Noda. I better not see any of you whores try to rock this shit. I will pull that lion of your head and beat you with it. This shit is not meant for the streets.

Shit, you know Amy Wino wakes up with her weave looking like one of these. And I totally want to commission Nagi Noda to make a pony one for My Little Pony Parker.

It seems like it was just yesterday when lil' Dakota Fanning was reading a story to a slow Sean Penn in "I Am Sam." Look at her now! All grown up with a mouthful of butter! I shouldn't hate. She doesn't even have to butter her corn before eating it.

Seriously, my teefs have been looking a little Country Crock-ish lately. I tried that whitening shit you go to sleep with, but I cannot fuck with that stuff. I woke up in the middle of the night thinking someone dropped a load of bleach in my mouth. That shit burns your teefs off. I'll stick to painting my teefs with Wite Out.

Here's Dakota at an event for Children's Right yesterday.

Patrick Swayze isn't letting a thing called pancreatic cancer stop him from doing what he's good at. He's just signed on to star in the A&E series "The Beast."

The Hollywood Reporter reports that the ""Beast," centers on an unorthodox but effective FBI veteran (Swayze) who trains a new partner (Travis Fimmel) in his hard-edged and psychologically clever style of agenting while being pursued by a secret Internal Affairs team."

Production on the 13 episodes begin this summer in Chicago. The show will air in 2009.

The Swayze will continue treatment at Stanford University Medical Center while shooting the show. He said, "I have searched for quite a long time to find a character that is this multi-layered, unpredictable and downright entertaining, as well as a project this current and cutting-edge."

He's back! As much as I can't wait to see The Swayze on TV, I really think he should put out a full-length album. "She's Like The Wind" and "Raising Heaven (In Hell Tonight)" are both on heavy rotation in my iTunes.

Seeing all these knocked up broads makes my sausage, egg and cheese bloat feel like a baby. I should piss on an e.p.t. just to be safe. Anyway, here's tons of pictures of walking baby ovens from the past couple of days. Well, Nicole Kidman is more like a pillow oven. She probably stores a week supply of botox in her pillow bump just in case she gets stranded somewhere. I kid, I kid. I'm sure her baby will come out with a permanent surprised look on its face and frosted tips and then we'll know it's their baby.

Nicky and Keith's kiss in the third thumbnail below is all sorts of awkward. She's blowing, he's sucking.

The baby ovens below are: Nicky, Tori Smelly, Gwen Stefani and Camilla Alves.

This week, I was torn between chichis legend Maxi Mounds and andro-hotness Miyavi, so I'm declaring both of them winners this week!

MAXI MOUNDS

Birthday: October 25th
Age: 33 (according to her MySpace)
Birth Name: ?

Original Date of HS of the Day: June 6, 2008
Claim to Fame: Basically, she's famous for having the biggest fake chichis in the universe. She's the current Guinness World record holder.

Where is she now? Probably doing (WARNING: link is NOT SAFE FOR LIFE) THIS!!!!

Why is she HS of the Week? One of her 20lb chichis could easily put a bitch in a coma with one bop to the head.

MIYAVI

Birthday: September 14, 1981
Age: 26
Birth Name: ?

Original Date of HS of the Day: June 3, 2008
Claim to Fame: He started out as a guitarist with the band Due le quartz. After the band broke up in 2002, he went solo and a legend was born!

Where is he now? He's currently on the "This Iz The Japanese Kabuki Rock" world tour.

Why is he HS of the Week? Because I don't know whether to make out with him or go shopping for nail polish with him.

Lisa Marie Presley left the Waverly Inn last night looking like she was about to deliver baby herself, just so she can use the umbilical cord to strangle the paps and her goofy ass husband. I don't know how grouchy ass Lisa Marie looks at her Caddyshack reject of a husband every single day without completely losing it.

Demi Moore, eat your fucking heart out. This is how it's done. Hot Pregnant Dude, real name Thomas Beatie, should have made the cover of Vanity Fair with this shot! The News of the World caught up with Hot Pregnant Dude and his power-lesbo wife, Nancy, at their home in Oregon. He's expected to pop out a baby girl in about 4 weeks. He said they have chosen a name, but they aren't revealing it just yet. You know they are going to name her Oprah.

34-year-old Thomas said they are already talking about having more kids. Thomas said, "So much so we might even have more children. We will just see what the experience is like with our daughter's arrival first and then give it some thought."

Visit TNOWT to see tons of more pics of nekkid ass Hot Pregnant Dude with Nancy and his birds.

Oh and the scar is from when he had his chichis removed.

(Image: Getty) Thanks Miranda

Waiter, I did not order 3 extra large sides of FUG with my chicken satay. Last night, was not the night to be dining at Mr. Chow in Beverly Hills. Imagine trying to enjoy a delicious plate of lobster whatever with two dogs on one side and a gummi bear on the other? One glance at Dog's cockatoo mullet is enough to have me screaming for the check. You could make fried rice on Dog and Beth's skin.

Samantha Ronson needs to change her hair right away because Gummi Bear is copying her 'do.

Shit. They will let any fug into Mr.Chow!

If I had Taylor Hicks' wrinkled turtle peen and Clay Gayken's man clit both in front of me with a gun to my head, forcing me to suckle on one of them, I'd tell them to pull the trigger and I'd hope for the best.

Is there such thing as a 31-year-old pepaw? Damn, bitch looks like he's ready for the retirement home and a tall glass of Citrucel. Anyway, American Idol winner Taylor Hicks made his Broadway debut as the Teen Angel in "Grease" last night.

The Soul Patrol was apparently out in full force. What does a member of the Soul Patrol look like anyway? I'm guessing they are in wheelchairs with oxygen tanks in their laps, a hearing aid in each ear and a large bag of peppermints in their fanny packs. They were probably shouting, "WHAT DID HE SAY, EDNA?! BEAUTY SCHOOL WHA?! OOPS! I THINK I JUST WENT ON MYSELF." through the entire show.

Here's more pics of Taylor along with the two winners of that crappy ass "Grease" reality show.