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The Wino better be careful. If daddy catches her smoking a fat fag, she'll be back on restriction and will probably lose her crack smoking privileges. It's a good thing daddy is in the hospital or she would be in real trouble. He would talk about this to press for days.

Yeah, Mitch Wino collapsed last week due to stress and now he's in the hospital. The docs told him to relax and focus on himself. Wino also told him to not worry about her and to go away for a bit. Uh huh. Of course she's going to say that. When the cat is away, the mice will smoke crack!

Mitch told The Sun, “I’m awaiting the results of tests. I’m going away for a few days and we will see what happens after that.” Even though he's laid up in the hospital, he's still talking to the press?!

Here's Wino visiting her lawyers in London today. She looks kind of "dainty?" I mean, dainty for Wino. Like a little precious crackelina!

It totally makes me happy seeing JLo tied into a fucking dress. I know they do that shit for photo shoots, but I like seeing it on JLo. The stylist should've pranked that bitch by using a busted rope with a note attached that said, "Size 12 dress too small. Had to use rope. Tell this bitch to walk right by the Kraft table." Anyway, JLo left her precious Dragon Tales Twins today to shoot a spread for Elle with Oscar de la Renta. Shoot a spread in a dress that's too small for her ass. Hahaha!

Speaking of the DT Twins, JLo doesn't let them wear anything twice. A source claims that JLo donated some dresses to a charity and also offered them some of her twins' clothes. The source said, "She also offered some of Max and Emme's clothes, telling organizers that she never lets them 'repeat' outfits. But the auction deals only in adult clothes. Jennifer told them it was a shame, as some items cost over $1,000 each."

That source got it all wrong. JLo really said that her twins only have one outfit, but if the charity would pay enough for them, she'd gladly give em up. Babies don't need to wear clothes. She'll just wrap them up in one of her gorilla furs.

This story has nothing to do with Wonky McValtrex, but I googled "dick sucking competition" and this picture came up. It just seemed right.

So... 9 British chicks were arrested this past weekend for taking part in an oral sex competition on the Greek island of Zakynthos. The police said that the dumb whores are facing prostitution charges.

The chicks were vacationing on the island when they were offered money to take part in the contest. They were videotaped and the organizers planned to show it on the internet. 6 British dudes, 6 Greek dudes and two bar owners were also charged with encouraging obscene behavior.

Those 9 dumb whores should be ashamed of themselves! They obviously thought they were good enough dick suckers to enter a competition, but they can't persuade a few cops to let them go? Any skilled dick sucker would've sucked those cops into submission!

It's a sad day when bitches can't suck dick in public without getting arrested. What is this world coming to?

And what I want to know is, what are the rules in a dick sucking contest? Whoever deep throats the longest without barfing wins? Does honorable mention go to whoever can lick the nuts with their tongue at the same time? And where can I download an application for next year's competition? I've been training.

That being said, I am pleased to announce that next year I will hold the First Annual Dlisted Convention around this time on the beautiful Greek island of Zakynthos. Don't worry about packing clothes, you will only need condoms, toothpaste and a giant economy size Listerine. Don't bring floss! Remember! You aren't supposed to floss before sucking a big dick!

Source

Thanks Lisa

You might not see Nicole Kidman's precious botox pillow baby for a while. Nicky and Frosty Urban aren't members of the Baby Whorin' Club just yet. They have reportedly turned down several multi-million dollar offers for the exclusive rights to Sunday Rose's (or Sunday Roast as Australians have been calling her) first pictures.

A source said, "They don't think it's appropriate to make deals. They are still deciding how they feel about (it) - if and when they will release a photo at all. But they realize there is enormous interest from the public and they are grateful and appreciative of that. Nicole and Keith have been enjoying their first few days at home with their firstborn tot - Nicole is thinking about things like breastfeeding right now."

Oh please. You know the surrogate popped out an Asian baby, so Nicky is desperately trying to get her a few nip/tucks before she shows her to the public. That surrogate is in sooo much trouble for mixing sauces.

Seriously, Nicole is probably going to release this shit herself, because she wants complete Photoshop control. I wouldn't even be surprised if Sunday Rose posed with Nicky's wax figure instead.

Katie Price was so moved after watching a BBC documentary about disabled orphans in Bulgaria that she wants to adopt one. In related news, Bulgaria has just announced that fake-tittied celebrities from the UK can no longer adopt from their country.

Kate told The Sun, “We want to be able to help a child to have a better life. The program moved me to tears. So many babies who are born with disabilities find it hard to find adoptive parents – no one wants them. So Pete and I have been to see a lawyer about adopting a baby from abroad.”

I love how Katie tells the press instead of going out and just doing it. I'm sure before she visited her lawyers, she visited the magazines first to see how much cash she could get for the exclusive pictures. Harvey is not amused by any of this.

Thanks Donna

Sarah Silverman is no longer fucking Jimmy Kimmel. The two have broken up after 5 years of being chained to each other. And I thought they were going to last forever! Who the hell is going to date them now?

Jimmy's spokesbitch told People, "Jimmy and Sarah have and will have no further comment." Wha?! Not even a joke. What the hell kind of break-up statement is that? They should have at least made a crack that they broke up because Jimmy can't stop pooping the bed or because Sarah really did fuck Matt Damon.

She's totally going to go gayelle now. You know it.

Not too long, international supermodel and star of "Get Smart," Phoebe Price, said she was working on her own clothing line. She promised that each clothing item would have a picture of her somewhere on it.

Yesterday, Chicken Cutlets' mommy, Flora, wore this luxurious and very expensive-looking t-shirt while the two shopped in Malibu. This must be part of her fashion line! The quality is exceptional, but the text is all wrong. It should read, "Mommy's Little International Supermodel."

I need this shit in every color and style available. I'd rock it day in and day out. Money is no object! I'm sure each t-shirt costs at least 99 cents a few hundred dollars, but I'll sell my dog's body on the street to buy just one. PP is my "little international supermodel."

Here's also some pictures of Mommy's Little International Supermodel at the beach with her dog Henry. Don't even try to look for any cottage cheese, because there isn't any.

Everyone season of Big Brother casts the same kind of whores. There's always the blonde slut, the gay dude who will probably be extremely annoying by the end of the season, the Christian who doesn't drink and the bat shit crazy lady who might stab you in your sleep. This season, the latter label goes to Renny. Renny is the beauty shop owner from New Orleans. She's like Debbie from "Queer as Folk" meets Marilu Henner meets Baby Jane. She also reminds me of my doll-collection neighbor who smells of cat piss and cloves.

She's also become the most-hated bitch in the house! During last night's episode, Renny upset Jessie, the "natural body builder," after she kept waking his ass up in the night with her serial killer clown laugh. When Jessie complained, Renny told him to "lighten up." She's right. Bitches who take roids are so touchy! Oh wait. He's all-natural. Is there such thing as herbal roids?

Anyway, Renny's days in the house are numbered. She's already up for elimination with Jessie and I'm sure he'll suck Jerry's pepaw peen to stay in the house. The ones I fall in love with are always first to go.

And here's a bonus! We're not even one week into the show and we've already got our first racial slur of the season! Last night, the gay cowboy had this to say about Libra, "That colored girl ain't controlling nothing." Big Brother 10: Still full of dumb fucks who need to stick a dick in it.

Brooke Hogan makes it so hard for me to like her. She seems like the only bitch in the Hogan family that has more than half a brain cell, but then she goes and does shit like this. She looks like a tranny roasted chicken stuffed into discount lingerie from the local whore store. Brooke needs to leave this kind of tacky skank shit for the Trannycat Dolls. It's not helping her cause.

You know that after she performed, her daddy probably told her he'd wash that outfit for her. I bet he will. BARF!

Below is some video of Brooke skanking it up with The Knockouts at Mansion in Miami this past weekend.

Okay, at least she wore exquisite lucite heels from the Shauna Sand collection.

Day-shift hooker alert! Chestica Simpson lives up to her nickname - Hollywood Tuna

Chestica also needs to shut her damn mouth already. Flies have moved in - Just Jared

Swab the poop deck! More of Sienna Miller slutting it up with Balthazar Getty - Egotastic!

Fuggie Fug at a wedding. Not her own - Lainey Gossip

A fully-clothed streaker crashes a naked rugby match - Towleroad

Tree porn - Cityrag

You should be used to this. Kate Moss is topless (NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Parasite Hilton pregnant rumors, take 1,896 - IDLYITW

Josh Hartnett: Hot or gross? - Popsugar

Parasite without polyester hair - Still skanky! - Hollywood Rag