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She needs a new mattress to go with the pillow she just popped out. I swear, she makes it so fucking easy. Nicky Kidman and her frosty-haired husband went mattress shopping in Nashville yesterday, just 9 days after she popped out Sunday Rose. Hopefully, Keith is the one breast feeding, because his chichis are probably bigger than Nicky's.

Nicky and Keith also found time in their busy mattress-buying schedule to send off an e-mail to friends and family, "We are in heaven. Can't stop staring at her in complete awe. Feeling incredibly blessed to have been given this precious little angel. Can't wait for you to meet her!"

They went on to write, "Her skin is so soft like cotton sateen. The only strange thing is that sometimes when we hug her, she coughs up feathers. The doctor said not to worry, and then he wrote us a referral for a psychiatrist. I don't know why he did that?"

Here's more pics of Nicky and Keith mattress shopping. In the third thumbnail, there's a sign that says "Private Sleep Room." Is that so you can test that shit out? Can you do sexy times in there? That shit would be perfect for hookers on a budget!

There's no way JLo walks more than 50 steps a day on her own, let alone swims, runs and bike rides. Skeletor told Extra that JLo will compete in a triathalon this October. He must be running low on virgin's blood, because he's talking crazy.

Just so we're clear on what a triathalon is, here's Wiki's defintion: "A triathlon is an endurance sports event consisting of swimming, cycling and running over various distances." Yeah, JLo's not doing any of that shit.

Skeletor said, "Jennifer is training for a triathlon, in October. I'm very supportive. I'll be on my Segway (encouraging her)."

He would own a Segway. He probably does his morning job on a Segway. You know those lazy bitches totally have a moving walker that goes from their bed to the shitter.

If this shit is true then JLo should get at least a 30-minute headstart. Bitch has an extra 20 pounds sitting on her ass. It's not fair! But this shit is a bunch of lies. JLo will pay some athletic to bitch to stuff the back of their pants with 3 king size pillows and compete in the triathalon as her. She'll pull a Katie.

Source

Thanks Info

Ingo Rademacher, Jax from "General Hospital," tried to explain why he ruined his newborn son's life by naming him Peanut Kai.

He told People, "We were calling him that when he was in mommy. It kind of represented joy and happiness to us. It puts a smile on everyone's face."

No excuse! Does that mean my parents should have named me "Bastard," because that's what they called me while I was in my mommy's belly. I'm lying. I wasn't a bastard baby. I was a band-aid baby. Big difference.

Peanut Kai Rademacher? Peanut is the boring nut. They could have at least named him Pistacho or Cashew.

A couple of days before Kiki Dunst was spotted being gross with the Mac Dude in NYC, she was stalking Emile Hirsch. According to Page Six, Kiki showed up to the Bowery Hotel just to see Emile. When he left, she followed him to a club next door.

A tattle-tailer said, "She was all alone. She was going to the bar just to see him."

Kiki sure does love the filthy ones. It must be the dick butter. I swear, every dude she boinks is dirtier than the last. She probably does the "smell test" to determine whether or not she's going to eff them or not. If they don't smell like a rest stop urinal, she wants nothing to do with them.

Here's Kiki looking like a mess while interviewing her next victim.

Uh oh. Jennifer Aniston better lock herself in her anti-Brangaloonie safe house tonight. You know she probably has two in every house. They might be coming for her!

A friend told UsWeekly that Jennifer is happy for Brangelina, "She hopes the twins are beautiful. She'd never want anyone to be unhappy with their kids."

The Brangaloonies have all gathered in a Yahoo! chat room at their headquarters to dissect this quote and discuss their next course of action. They finish each meeting by reciting every line from "Mr. and Mrs. Smith."

Seriously, Jenny doesn't hope the chosen ones are beautiful. She hopes they are butt fugly and she has the voodoo dolls to prove it. It's not possible though. Saint Angelina only produces pure beauty. I wouldn't be surprised if she popped out two precious diamonds.

This friend is right, though. Where there's a fugly baby, there's two unhappy parents. If my baby was ugly, I would be so mad at the world. I would constantly snarl at it and try to hide its fugness with wigs, masks or cardboard boxes. I'm joking! No, I'm not.

What the hell kind of pot luck outfit is Katie Holmes wearing?! Tommy Girl needs to have her style chip looked at, because she looks like a walking yard sale. Baggy jeans, Rihanna's leftover heels and memaw hair? No.

And how is that Tommy Girl is almost the same height as Kate even though she's wearing heels? Oh yeah, he's wearing heels too. He might as well just walk around on stilts. It would be less obvious.

Here's Tommy Girl and his robot bride leaving the "Eli Stone" set last night.

Elisabeth Hasselbarf got all emotional on "The View" today while talking about the use of the "N" word. It all started when the group of hens started yapping about Jessie Jackson using the word in a news tape on Fox News. Elisabeth tried to argue that we all live in the same world and so nobody should use that word ever, because of the children. Think of the children!

That's when Whoopi turned on and told Elisabeth that we don't live in the same world, and that the word is only as powerful as we allow it to be. The fake bitch didn't understand this shit so she started breaking down.

You know when you hear bad news and you don't really care about it, but you think you should care about it, so you try and force the tears to come out? That's what Elisabeth was doing. Bitch needs to learn the "pull your pubic hairs" technique to bring on the real tears.

Ugh. She's so annoying! I just wanted Whoopi to calmly walk over and slap her in the teeth. That would've made the bitch cry for real.

Thank God for crazy ass Barbara Walters who saved the day with her zany tongue.

Dooouuuuccccheeeee - Just Jared

Nicky Kidman without her pillow belly! - Popsugar

Maggie Gyllenhag not looking completely unfortunate - Lainey Gossip

Amy Wino has never looked sexier - Towleroad

Miley Cyrus is full of shit - IDLYITW

Is Marisa Miller human? - Hollywood Tuna

Zac and Vanessa's totally staged beach pictures - Egotastic!

Kate Moss' best friend isn't wearing a top (NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

A tour of Alyssa Milano's tattoos - Cityrag

Meryl Streep was once one of London's street urchins - Hollywood Rag

Ass and Pete's little Emo Baby is going to be a girl. That's sweet. All of three of them can share tampons when Emo Baby gets older.

A source told Star (via SAWF) that Ass and Pete also found out Emo Baby's due date, "The doctor told them they actually conceived the baby just before Valentine's Day while they were on vacation and has given them an initial due date of Oct. 31. When Pete heard he might have his baby on Halloween, he went nuts. For an emo-rocker type like Pete, that would be just too perfect!" Oh shit. This means her name is going to be Elvira or Siouxsie Sioux.

There's probably a bunch of babies up in heaven, playing a never-ending game of "rock, paper, scissors" trying to decide who's going to get stuck with these two twats.

I still don't believe that she could get pregnant just by rubbing vaginas with Pete. I won't believe it's their baby until it pops out with flat-ironed hair, eyeliner for days and a severe case of acid reflux.

Jenny Aniston drops $20,000 a month on beauty treatments to maintain her looks. Don't laugh! A source told The National Enquirer that ever since she started doing fuckey times with John Mayer, she's been overspending on her appearance.

A friend claims Jenny gets private yoga lessons 3 times a week, employs a completely organic private chef and gets anti-cellulite treatments once a month. The friend said, "Jen is doing whatever it takes to hold back time - short of plastic surgery. Jen is insecure about her legs, so she goes for anti-cellulite spa sculpting treatments twice a month. They cost $1,000 a session, but Jen swears that the sculpting keeps her skin supple and smooth. She calls the treatments 'necessary tune-ups."

Bullshit! She's not spending $20k a month on "treatments."

She spends $10,000 a month on a monthly supply of Billy Bob Thornton's blood. She spends $5,000 a month on weekly make-out sessions with James Haven. And she pays Maddox $5,000 a month to call her once a month and say, "You are the most beautiful mother in the world. I loves you." Sometimes Maddox messes up and screams "SIKE" at the end of the call. She takes off $1,000 from his paycheck when he does that. Hey, she figures if all that shit works for Saint Angelina, it will work for her.

Here's some pictures of Jenny walking to her SUV in Los Angeles and John walking to his SUV in NYC. Thrilling.