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When I grow up I want to be Jodie Marsh. Not only is she the epitome of grace and sophistication, but she is also a true fashion icon. Who else could pull off this stunning ensemble? Well, probably a $5 day-shift tranny hooker, but that's besides the point!

If the CDC ever lets her into America, she should come and show the whores here how it's really done. I'm almost tempted to say that Jodie is more elegant than Shauna Sand! I know, I should be fucked with a lucite heel for saying that. Jodie and Shauna should settle this in a Miss Elegant pageant. It can be held in a Hazmat tent and Dimitri the Lover will judge.

Here's more of Jodie out in London last night. The people around her are so lucky. I'm surprised they aren't going into violent seizures from being close to her intense glamour. I swear, I'd totally go lesbo for her. Eating her coochie would be like biting into a fresh jalapeno, but I like to live on the wild side.

Amy Wino was out with friends in Camden last night and they might have been getting the party started for Blaaake. He receives his sentence tomorrow and some seem to think that the judge is going to release him into the wild! Crackie dealers all over London are at their crack alters praying he's set free. The judge could also sentence him to 5 years or less in the chokey.

Blaaake's mommy and daddy wrote the judge, begging the court to send him home with them and not to Wino. Mommy Blaaake told the News of the World, "I'm absolutely dreading it because I don't want him to go straight back to Amy. If he goes it could be a death sentence for the two of them. Blake thinks he's going to be Amy's saviour and has every intention to try to stop the drugs. But Amy is completely unstable. Blake is a recovering addict and he's not strong enough to resist the temptation. If they are reunited, I know they will be back on drugs within days."

Blaaake is a recovering addict? Since when? Methinks Mommy Blaaake has been smoking some of the hard stuff too.

She thinks that if he goes back to Wino, they will both overdose. Mommy Obvious wants Wino to go to rehab and for Blaaake to come home with her. She went on to say, "She needs to prove that she loves him enough to stop. Then, once they are both drugs-free, they can have a real future together."

Daddy Wino has already said that Blaaake needs to go straight into rehab after he's released from the clink. So basically Daddy Wino is blaming Blaaake and Mommy Blaaake is blaming Wino.

If Blaaake is released, we probably won't see Wino for a while. They are going to lock themselves in her crack den, where they will snort coke out of each other's genitals, videotape it and upload it to YouTube. Crackies love YouTube.

Here's more of Wino out with her friends last night. Seriously, she has the weirdest group of friends. They look like hookers and gypsy hipsters.

I really should've titled this shit "Pretty Fucking Classy in Pink." It's the ravishing CoCo with her pimp at the opening of Wasted Space at the Hard Rock Hotel in Las Vegas. Don't even make the joke that CoCo is the one who is wasted space. Slap a baby bunny rabbit before you do such a thing! She is perfection.

I don't think that's ruching on the back of her dress. CoCo's ass is like a magnet and it's trying to eat that dress. That's probably why she never wears panties. Her ass always ends up eating them. She's like a Maytag dryer.

Ice-T looks like he's all dressed up for The Annual Pimp N' Ho Ball. He's just missing a hat with a pink feather in it and a cane. Pimpto Bismal! And this is seriously the classiest I've ever seen CoCo look. I don't like it.

Luckily, she was back to looking like her elegant self at Ice-T's poolside performance. Remember how I said her ass is a major muncher? The same goes for her chocha. By the end of the day, half of her capris were probably eaten by her coochie. That belt is gone forever. Hungry hungry vagina! She has to feed it a steak dinner every night just to keep it from devouring everything in sight. Damn, she's gorgeous.

Birthday: February 29, 1928
Age: 80
Birth Name: Annie Blanche Banks

Original Date of HS of the Day: July 13, 2008
Claim to Fame: American Burlesque and film star! Tempest started doing burlesque in the late 1940s. In the 1950s, she was dubbed "Girl with the Fabulous Front."

Where is she now? She still shakes her shit today, but keeps it classy. You won't see Tempest's elegant ass on a stripper pole.

Why is she HS of the Week? Because Tempest proves that you should never retire the sexy. I'm also going to start campaigning for a feature film version of Tempest's life starring international supermodel and box office star, Phoebe Denise Price! Chicken Cutlets was born to play Tempest. Although, I don't think Tempest has cotty cheese thigh. I'm joking! Neither does Chicken Cutlets!

The Dark Knight knocked Spider-Man 3 off the top spot for the biggest opening weekend ever. TDK made around $155.3 million this weekend, beating SM3's $151.1 million opening last year. TDK also broke a bunch of other records too. Basically, people are losing it for this movie. Women that aren't even pregnant are going into labor over this shit. It's nuts.

Here's the top 5 movies at the box office this weekend:

1. The Dark Knight - $155.3 million
2. Mamma Mia! - $27.6 million
3. Hancock - $14 million
4. Journey to the Center of the Earth - $11.9 million
5. Hellboy II - $10 million

I skipped seeing TDK after I saw the 3-hour line from hell for it. It was worse than the fucking iPhone line! I opted for the homo fiesta known as Mamma Mia! At least I thought it was going to be a homo fiesta.

Seriously, I thought I was going to get butt fucked by a plethora of glittery gayness. NOT! It didn't even satisfy my homo tooth. It was AWFUL! First of all, it felt like I was watching it in the rec room of a retirement home. Memaws on my left, pepaws on my right. Second of all, Pierce Brosnan should never be allowed to sing ever again. They should have gotten Kermit the Frog to dub his singing voice. It would've sounded better. Even the memaws in the audience were laughing at him! When a memaw laughs at you, it's time to excuse yourself and sit in the nearest corner. Basically, don't pay money for this shit. Buy yourself a cocktail instead. It tastes better and won't leave you thinking bad thoughts about Pierce Brosnan.

And just because, here's some pics of Christian Bale leaving LAX with his family yesterday.

Mini-Me has dropped a $20 million lawsuit against SugarDVD and TMZ over his famous sexy time tape. He dropped the lawsuit after they agreed not to market the video of him rubbing his lipstick all over that pony lady's vagina.

His lawyer told The Los Angeles Times, "We got what we wanted: a permanent injunction." SugarDVD must have the permission from Mini-Me and his co-star Ranae Shrider before selling the little blue movie.

Mini-Me's lawyer said he wants to keep the tape private and has no plans to sell. He's saying that now, but something tells me Mini-Me is short on cash, so his own piece of hell will soon be up for sale. I can't fucking wait. I still need to know if Mini-Me is hung like a kitten. He has to be bigger than these dudes (NSFW). Seriously, I've seen clits (DON'T CLICK ON THAT) bigger than those dicks. It's pretty sad when you're able to stick the whole dick in your mouth and toss their salad at the same time.

The stench of fried chicken grease, ass butter and Frapp smegma is not coming out of my computer screen, which is a good thing. Brit Brit might have actually bathed! It probably took six people and plenty of Bubble Yum body wash to scrub the Cheeto crust off of her, but they did a pretty good job. Her weave still looks like it was put together by a couple of cross-eyed rats, but we can't have it all.

Brit Brit attended the Generation Rescue event in Los Angeles yesterday. Wait, maybe that event was set up to rescue her ass? Hmm... Anyway, that shit was hosted by Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy. Jim is starting to enter Skeletor territory. He needs a steak dinner and an oxygen facial. Jenny sort of looks like a wax figure, but it's easy to bring her back to life. Just tell her, "I vaccinate my kids" and that bitch will turn into Hurricane McCarthy.

Can you imagine the shit she said to Brit Brit? Brit probably just stared at her and said, "Ah jest came fo tha free cheese an boxed wines. Y'all got deep fried twinkies?"

As you know, Ed McMahon is a pepaw in trouble. Ed is broke and can't pay his bills which could result in him losing his multi-million dollar pepaw kingdom. Well, has Ed resorted to pulling some fraudulent shit?

TMZ reports that Pepaw Ed filed a lawsuit against billionaire Robert Day and Cedars-Sinai Medical Center for a slip and fall at Robert's house. Ed broke his neck in the fall. He's suing for pepaw abuse and malpractice.

Last year, Pepaw Ed was making his way down Robert's entry stairs when he slipped and fell. He said there was no hand rail. I wonder if Pepaw Ed screamed, "I've fallen and I can't get up!" All elderly people should scream that when they fall.

Ed received treatment at Cedars, but he claims they didn't take an X-ray of his cervical spine even though he was moaning about neck pain. He left the hospital with a broken neck which he thinks is "elder abuse," because Cedars should know that old people are prone to such injuries. They also didn't give him a caramel square while treating him. They should know that a caramel square almost always makes an elderly bitch feel better.

Hey, can you blame a pepaw for trying? Ed needs fast cash! He better watch it though. The other side is going to try and trip him up one day. While Pepaw Ed is walking down the street in his neck brace, they are going to throw a bottle of Sherry at him. Ed will tackle that shit like he's Jerry Rice. I watch "Dateline." I know how they trick bitches.

DMX was arrested again. Maybe he's just not satisfied with his mug shot, so he keeps trying to get it right. He was busted at a mall in Phoenix yesterday for allegedly giving a fake name and Social Security number to a hospital in order to get out of paying medical bills. This is his 6th arrest in almost 3 months.

DMX, real name Earl Simmons, used the name "Troy Jones" and didn't pay a $7,500 bill. Well, he couldn't pay it because he's too busy getting arrested! Give a bitch a chance. And how the hell did the billing bitch not notice DMX from all his mug shots. I would've said, "Hey D! I'm a big fan of your work and by 'work,' I mean all your mug shots!"

He was arrested and booked. Bond has not been set.

The sheriff of Maricopa County said, "He's back in jail again. I don't know why judges keep letting this guy out. Every time he goes in there, he gets out on bond. I'm hoping this is the one time he's going to pay the penalty for his offense"

Click here to see all of DMX's past mug shot. Can we get a smile next time, D?

Source

Limahl - His real name is Christopher Hamill. Limahl is an anagram of his last name. He was the lead singer for Kajagoogoo. He also sang one of the greatest songs of the 20th century. Video below: