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Camille Grammer (formerly Camille Donatacci) is what all gold diggers should aspire to be. She went from shaking her ass on "Club MTV" to being married to Kelsey Grammer. She met Kelsey in 1996, married him 1997 and had their first kid in 2001. That is how you do it. That dumb Sarah Larson bitch needed to study Camille Grammer's business plan while she was fucking with George Clooney, but she effed up. Camille should teach a class at the Learning Annex on the art of gold digging.

Kelsey looks like he fucks like a turtle, but who cares?! Who needs sexy times when you have that much money? She probably orgasms when she uses her Black AMEX to buy a Bentley.

The stunning Camille escorted her sugar daddy to the premiere of "Swing Vote" last night in Hollywood. This looks like the biggest piece of shit movie ever. Booze can't even make this crap entertaining. You're going to have to drop acid if you plan on seeing this.

Other skanks who attended the premiere just to have their picture taken so they would remain relevant included DJ Tanner, Stephanie Tanner, Drunk Abdul and Kevin Costner.

Andy Dick has checked into rehab. Well, television rehab anyway. TMZ reports that Dick has joined the cast of "Sober Living." I'm not sure, but I think this is a spin-off of Vh1's "Celebrity Rehab." Dr. Drew is supposedly involved in "Sober Living" which will take a group of has-been pieces of trash and stick them in a Beverly Hills mansion without drugs or booze. Basically, it's "The Surreal Life" without alcohol. Please, you know these crackies will suck the freon out of the a/c or sniff oven cleaner to get high.

Sources say Dick decided he needed rehab after he was arrested outside of a Buffalo Wild Wings over a week ago. Dick will be paid for his involvement in the show.

Watching Andy Dick get sober on reality TV is going to be disgusting. Yes, I have to watch because I'm a glutton for punishment. Fuck, I even watched "Faces of Death" the other day and I have no idea why. Something tells me "Sober Living" will be more disturbing than "Faces of Death."

Oh and Andy Dick totally looks like a female-to-male tranny in the picture above.

Image: Fame Pictures

When Lecy Goranson left "Roseanne," I was so fucking sad. Becky #2 wasn't the same. She was too classy for that shit and never belonged. No one could ever pull off a floral sweatshirt the way Becky #1 could.

Anyway, Lecy (I think she goes by Alicia now) was spotted reading tarot cards at the Gowanus Yacht Club in Brooklyn last Saturday. That bitch is the next Dionne Warwick! I don't know if she does this for money or if it's a regular thing, but I'm spending every night at the Gowanus Yacht Club, hoping to run into her. Sharing a twelve pack with Becky #1 while she tells me a bunch of bullshit sounds like my idea of a good time.

A long ass time ago I worked for a psychic line for like a day. It was hell and even I started to feel guilty about lying to people. One bitch asked me, "Is my boyfriend cheating on me?" I asked her, "What time did he come home last night?" She answered, "He didn't." So I said, "Yes. Yes, he is cheating on you." You would think that the dumb bitch would have said to me, "Bitch! You're the psychic. You should know what time he came home!" Don't ever call those things! If you need someone to lie to you, call me instead. I lie for beer.

Ken Paves is totally telling Jessica Simpson, "You dumb bitch! I was only joking when I said that all the country bitches were wearing trash bags." At first, I thought Jessica was wearing Stella's trash bag dress from Project Runway. I know it's just the pattern of the dress that's making it look it's from the Hefty collection, but it's still fug as hell.

Jessica was out with my girl crush, Ken Paves, in NYC last night. Jessica's foot claws were also out. Way out. In the last thumbnail, it looks like her toes are about to grab that ciggie. Now that's talent!

Guess the celebrity ass? I see dingles - Cityrag

Disney sluts are annoying - IDLYITW

Shia LaDouche goes digging - Just Jared

Vadge is American? Since when? - Lainey Gossip

John Barrowman heads to L.A. for the gay test - Towleroad

Kim Kardashian's uselessness is spreading to other countries - Egotastic!

Blasphemy! Jessica Simpson wearing a crucifix - Hollywood Tuna

Mischa Barton wears boots to the beach - Popsugar

Pornstar Chasey Laine is a cracked out mess (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

50 Cent is suing Taco Bell - Hollywood Rag

Ethan Hawke and The Nanny said "fuck it" today by not even trying to cover up their little baby's face from the paps. Obviously, they've decided not to whore out their baby in a magazine. Ethan should have tried to work some kind of deal. He could have gotten a meal voucher from T.G.I. Friday's or possibly half of a joint. Oh well, maybe next time.

Here's more of Ethan, The Nanny and 1-week-old Clementine Jane in NYC. She's precious. It's a good thing she didn't inherit her daddy's greasy meth face. Seriously, he looks like he should be selling me an 8-ball, not carrying around a little baby.

Tricia Walsh-Smith made a YouTube video in response to Kathie Lee Gifford's comments on "Today" yesterday. Crazy Eyes calls her Kathy Lee, I call her Kathie Lee, my mommy calls her Krappy Lee, and you can call her whatever you want.

Anyway, I guess Kathie Lee said that somebody should whack Crazy Eyes. Good luck to anybody who wants to knock her off. She can see you coming from miles away. Crazy Eyes responded, "This morning on national television, Kathy Lee Dee Gifford says that I should be whacked. This from a born-again Christeeeean. This from a woman who has been trying to get a crappy musical she wrote into a Shubert theater." Kathie Lee better watch it. Crazy Eyes can see what she's doing every minute of the day. No, she really can.

Crazy Eyes goes on to rant about other shit, but I was too busy asking myself, "What the fuck is she wearing?"

Also, if you're super bored today, check out her website. It has a bunch of hot shit including her prenup.

Thanks princess

The "Red Sonja" poster should really feature Rose McGowan licking Robert Rodriguez's dick, because that's what she had to do to get this role. Obviously, it wasn't her amazing acting skills that got her the part.

Robert will produce the remake starring Rose as the woman warrior. It's coming out next year and it will be whoreiffic. Robert and Rose might as well just shit on a plate and hand it to us, because that's what this movie is going to be.

Brigitte Nielsen, come fart on Rose for messing with YOUR role.

Who needs Chanel when you have Gucci? International supermodel, fashion icon and poultry lover, Phoebe Price, showed the paparazzi a dress given to her by the Gucci outlet store of Cabazon, CA Gucci. You know that dress is from Forever 21 and she sewed the Gucci tag on it. I'm joking! Slap me with a wet dildo. I'm sure Mr. Guccio Gucci himself rose from the dead to personally pick out that gown for our beloved "Hot Babe of the Year."

Chicken Cutlets plans to wear this extremely elegant dress to premiere of "The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor" this Sunday. PP plays one of the mummy extras. I'm joking again! Whip me with anal beads. PP only does serious art-house flicks like "Get Smart." She doesn't do superficial crap like The Mummy! She's a serious actress!