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I'm offering up this close-up picture of Robot Call Girl, because I really need you to tell me that this skeezer is made of wax and artificial parts. Actually, scratch that. If this bitch was a real robot, she would have finished the job and nabbed George Clooney by getting knocked up or getting him drunk and marrying his ass. She is a failure!!!

Even though she sucks at gold digging, Sarah Larson is whoring herself out to magazines for interviews. Hello! took the bait and she did some "exclusive" interview with them. The word "exclusive" should be loosely used when it comes to that skank! I'm sorry, but I'm mad at her for not trapping The Clooney when she had the chance!

Sarah claims she's still friends with George, "We still remain friends and have kept in touch. In fact, we spoke over the phone a couple of days ago." George only called because he left his favorite dildo at her house.

The dumb bitch went on to say, "Most people know George has a great sense of humor and is an adept storyteller, but I will always miss his extraordinary dance moves." Okay, she's a robot. Humans do not talk like that.

Sarah ended by talking about all the offers coming her way, "I've had some amazing offers come in, including one modeling campaign that may bring me to England soon. I can't talk about it yet because it's not a done deal. I hope it happens because I've never been to England, and I'd love to spend some time there. If I do end up there, I could find a nice British boy. I'd be open to the idea. I hear they have a good sense of humor."

Modeling opportunity in England?! Please. This dumb dumb has been responding to her spam e-mail again, hasn't she? I'm surprised she also didn't say that she's in talks to help a Nigerian official move millions of dollars from his homeland and in return he's going to give her 25%.

And "modeling opportunity" is call girl code for "an overnight orgy."

A psychiatrist testified on day four of the Christie Brinkley/Peter Cook cock fight that Christie should be the one awarded full custody of their two kids. He went on to say that the bitch also needs therapy herself. Dr. Stephen Herman said, "She needs to start working on therapy issues relating to her parenting...maybe her choice of male figures...certain motivations that she had herself that can get her into trouble." And she needs to stop getting married! Christie strikes me as one of those goody goody types that thinks just because a man blows a load in your face means you have to marry him. Negative!

Christie responded by saying she's not a huge fan of therapy, but if Dr. Obvious thinks she needs help then she's willing to give it a shot.

Dr. Obvious said that Peter Cook shouldn't get full custody, because he's made bad choices. He talked about Peter's 35 sexual partners, $3,000 a month porn habit and his affair with that teenage slut. Dr. Obvious also said Peter is a self-absorbed egotist. That means small dick, doesn't it?

When Christie took the stand said she would have never married porn-loving Peter if she knew about his drug arrest when he was in his 20s. She also admitted to taking a black marker (I hope it was a Sharpie) and blacking out Peter's face in their wedding picture. She told the court, "I felt like he was an invisible man. Just his outfit remained, standing next to me, like an empty wedding outfit with no person with it. And that's how I felt - the person that I knew and loved, I didn't know where he went."

Hold up, Peter Cook slept with only 35 bitches in his lifetime? Is that considered majorly slutty? I mean, would you be considered the sluttiest slut who ever slutted if you've slept with more than 35? Because if it is then I need to stop what I'm doing right now and check myself into the nearest monastery.

Oh and Christie is totally getting those kids.

The American version of the reality shit show Big Brother begins its 10th season this Sunday night. Yeah, ten seasons of dumb twats getting drunk, being slutty and saying offensive bullshit. Sounds like my family reunions.

CBS unveiled the cast of dick bags this morning. There's a gay cowboy, a blonde slut and some douche named Memphis. Fuck all those skanks, because I have already found my favorite. His name is Jerry and he's a real-life great pepaw from Texas! 75-year-old Jerry loses some points because in his bio he doesn't mention Werther's original, Metamucil or warm compresses. That being said, Grand Pepaw Jerry is going to win this bitch. Trust this.

The producers also cast a Nick from BB8 body-alike named Jessie (below). Ha. He spells his name liks a girl. Jessie is a 22-year-old bodybuilder from CA. I don't know whether to lick him or put a hex on him. His body is kind of creeping me out. That many muscles could only mean one thing: SMALL PEEN! And you know Grand Pepaw Jerry is totally going to gay out with this bitch.

Matthew McConaughey revealed to OK! Magazine that stoner baby's name is Levi Alves McConaughey. LAM(E)!!!! Little Levi doesn't have two last names. Alves is his middle name, because it's his mother's last name. I'm seriously disappointed. This is a fuck effort!

Matthew explained why they chose the name Levi, "Levi was another name for the apostle Matthew in The Bible. They were, in fact, two names for the same person. Our son was born at 6:22 pm, and this particular time represents my favorite verse in the book of Matthew in The Bible: 'If thy eye be single, thy whole body will be full of light.'"

Seriously, I think I got contact high from reading his explanation. Bitch was hitting the bong hardcore. And "bitch please" at his explanation. The only bible he reads is the stoner's bible aka High Times magazine.

You know he named stoner baby after his favorite brand of jeans. Just like brother Rooster named his baby Miller Lyte after his favorite beer.

Matthew and Camila also released this statement:

"We welcome Levi Alves McConaughey into this wonderful life and look forward to living in it with him. In the mean time and all times, just keep livin'."
—Matthew David McConaughey and Camila Maria Saraiva de Araujo Alves

It's a cute and normal name, but I was expecting Matthew to deliver the fucking goods.

At least I can count on Rooster to bring the laughs. Rooster talked to People about his brother's first baby, "It's good to have a boy the first time 'round! You can get away with dropping 'em a couple times, and they'll still be okay. Can't really do that with a little girl.

Rooster has officially become my favorite McConaughey.

Extreme Dollhouse Dude Makeover! The wise Dollhouse Dude has returned to spread his infinite wisdom with us all. He also did up his Dollhouse really fancy-like and bought a robe from the "Kung Fu" prop sale.

TMZ caught up with him last night and he added some kind of airplane thing to the top of his dollhouse. High fucking art! He also talked about how he's only been in Hollywood for 5-months and has already gotten 20 tickets. Something tells me it wasn't for parking violations, but for disturbing the peace.

Wait....he's only been in Hollywood for 5-months and he's already a mega star!? It's only up from here. Dollhouse Dude 4 President!

Click here to watch the video. He talks about other shit, but I really don't know what he's saying. Whatever he's mumbling about, I co-sign it all.

Image: The Arab Parrot

We've got two Photoshop Award winners (see below) today! Although, Mimi should really be given some sort of Photoshop lifetime achievement honor. She probably doesn't even know what she really looks like. At this point, they totally Photoshop her already Photoshopped pictures.

Something in the milk ain't clean about this Elle cover. Mimi looks like she's about to push her own head off of the body that clearly doesn't belong to her. The rest of the spread is no suprise. Mimi is in a bikini! Seriously, bitch needs to join the cast of the next Surivor. That way she can frolick the beach half-nekkid without any judgement.

Visit Mariah Daily to see more pictures of a majorly Photoshopped Mimi

Normally, I think most babies look like grody gremlins who just can't wait to shit, vomit and drool on you. If I wanted that kind of mess, I'd go back to my ex-boyfriend. Anyway, Baby Usher does not look like one of those babies. He's pretty fucking adorable.

With that being said, why does it look like they copy and pasted him onto the cover. He's floating there like a little genie. I mean, what is he sitting on? That's a magic baby.

And Baby Usher is not amused with the words "Budget Tips" blocking half of his body. He should've kicked that shit off the page. The Photoshop artiste who put this shit together was definitely drinking and toking on the fucking job.

P.S. - Can someone buy this magazine and scan page 117 for me? Thank you.

Thanks Sarah

Girlfriend had too many Cosmos! Actually, Jake Poo probably drinks sour apple martinis. He likes how they make his manpussy pucker. Jakey strikes me as a total sloppy drunk. Like a sorority sister. He probably gets all handsy, dances on tables, lip-synchs to Cyndi Lauper and flashes his chichis at the frat boys. Reese just sits there rolling her eyes and sipping on her Shirley Temple. She puts the boo in booooring.

Here's Reese and Jakey Poo out to dinner in London last night. Jakey is currently shooting the title role in "The Prince of Persia" in the UK.

This is what bad lipo and drinking too many Jack & Jizz's does to a belly (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Chestica Simpson looking like a low-priced call girl - Hollywood Tuna

Gayelle Mandy Rogers is topless and kissing Ellen - Egotastic!

Eva LongWHORIA and Tony Parker actually made it to their one-year anniversary - Popsugar

Chuck Bass is a little light in the loafers - Lainey Gossip

Prince Hot Ginge is truly a saint - Just Jared

Just Jack McFarland is kind of looking hot - Towleroad

Pammy Anderson hurt Chestica's feelings - IDLYITW

George Clooney's car embarrasses him - Hollywood Rag

I refuse to believe that Charlize Theron has had any work done - Cityrag

Bitches are trying to figure out why in botox hell did Nicky Kidman and her frosty-haired husband named their daughter Sunday Rose. You know, it's not THAT bad. It sounds like a feminine hygiene product, but it could be worse. She could have named her God'isslove or Fifi Trixibelle.

One source told MSNBC that Keith Urban wrote a song called "Sunday" before their baby was born. Nicky loved the song so much and that's how they came up with the name. The source said, “They really didn’t know she’d almost be born on Sunday.” But she wasn't born on a Sunday. She was born on a fucking MONDAY! They could have at least named her "Day After Sunday."

Another source thinks Nicky chose the name as a slap in the face to Tommy Girl and Scientology. “Nicole is a Catholic, and Sunday was an important religious day for her until she was involved in Scientology. She’s still bitter about her experience with Scientology and the fact her baby’s name could be perceived as one last jab doesn’t exactly upset her, ” said some source.

Oh snap! Tommy Girl is going to have the last cackle! You watch. He's going to name his next robot baby "Icey Pillow" just to spite that bitch.

UPDATE: Nicky's daddy told The Telegraph the true meaning behind botox pillow's name, "There was a lady named Sunday Reed who was a prominent patron of the arts in Victoria. I have read a bit about Sunday Reed and her husband John - she was a key mover and shaker in the arts around the beginning of the century. The name Sunday struck me as being a nice name for a woman, so my wife and I mentioned it." Those Kidmans! They are so fucking smart.