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Here are the two promos Brit Brit shot with Russell Brand for the MTV VMAs. Brit is with a real-life British person and she didn't pull out her authentic British accent?! It was her chance to really impress Russell! She didn't even throw in a "blimey" or a "bollocks." I'm disappointed.

Brit Brit's crazy Cheeto cackle gave me images of umbrellas, shaved heads, bare coochie shots and never-ending Frapps. Aww...the olden days.

And is it just me or does Russell Brand sometimes look like a less hairy version of Amy Wino? That being said, I'd hit it while making him scream Blaaaaaaaake!

Thanks Stacy

The Jonas Brothers were on MTV's TRL this afternoon and they invited a bunch of wet, fangirls from the street up to the studio to meet them. The girl above takes the fucking cake and smashes it. She is so excited that she's eating her hair. Literally. Eating her hair is probably the only thing that is keeping her from devouring that Jonas Brother next to her. Sorry, I don't know their first names and I'm not about to learn.

She's like Sanjaya's crying girl all grown up. The Jonas Brothers must have had a ton of security around them, because that girl looks like she's ready to tear a piece of their skin off to take home with her.

I shouldn't make fun of her ass! I act the same way whenever I go to IHOP and they bring out my International Passport breakfast.

I just watched this video in its entirety, so I may sound more brain dead than usual. Tori and Dean made a music video for their reality show on Oxygen. Yes, music. Yes, Tori sings. It's not really singing. It's more like the sound of a baby ostrich choking on broken glass.

In the video, Tori and Dean dress up as a bunch of famous couples including Lucy & Desi, Courtney & Kurt, and Sonny & Cher. It's fucking murder to the ears and the eyes! It's seriously a horror show. This shit can be released as the next SAW movie. As is.

On a positive note, I'm going to make this video work for me. The next time I have people over and they refuse to fucking leave. I will whip out this little piece of hell and watch them scatter like roaches for the front door.

VIA Best Week Ever

Next to In-N-Out (see below), Angelyne is my favorite thing about Los Angeles. The Billboard Queen proves that just because you're 150, doesn't mean you have to dress like it!

Angelyne is truly a precious daffodil blowing in the summer breeze. The only thing missing from her luxurious ensemble is a pair of Shauna Sand's exquisite lucite heels.

It would be pretty difficult for Tommy Lee to give up meat when he looks at a delicious, juicy tube steak every day. Tommy recently tried to become a vegetarian after he got back together with Pamela for the ten millionth time. It didn't really work out for him.

He said,"There's been two times now, where I've driven by In-N-Out (burger chain) and I'm like, `Pull the damn car over, I need a triple-triple (burger), dude.'"

Why did he have to say those beautiful words?! In-N-Out is main reason why I could never become a vegetarian! Every since I declared my undying love for their pieces of heaven in a bun, meanie readers have sent me pictures of themselves devouring double-doubles whole. Taunting me! Well, you know what West Coasters? You may have the food of the gods, but us East Coasters have....um...we...have...Cluck-U-Chicken? Okay, you guys win.

You know, I've always wondered why strict-vegan Pamela always goes back to The Meat aka Tommy Lee. Well, I know WHY she goes back to him, but I would think that the "meat eating" thing is a deal breaker for her.

I've heard that some vegans will only do other vegans, because meat eaters smell gross. I personally don't give an eff if I smell like Wonky McValtrex's smegma as long as I get to eat a delicious cheeseburger! And I'd totally eff with a vegan. I'm an equal opportunity slut. Shit, doing a vegan might be better for my health.

Source

What's so funny Sienna Miller?! Does your vagina have the hiccups again? That happens apparently. One of my pregnant friends said she can feel the baby hiccups in her vagina area. I told her to scare the baby and she answered, "Okay. Can you put your face down there then?" What a bitch!

Anyway, Sienna "not a homewrecker" Miller and Balthazar Getty had lunch with Jerry Bruckheimer and his wife this past weekend in Malibu. I wonder what was on the menu? Vagina hiccup pie? I'm sorry! I just can't get past vagina hiccups. Is there such a thing as ass hiccups? If there is, I'm sure I would have had them by now.

Here's more of Sienna and her man of the minute at lunch in Malibu. I apologize again. This post was supposed to be about two skanks and it turned into talk about vagina hiccups. VAGINA HICCUPS!

File this under: Somebody give this skank a brownie and sit her down. Brooke Hogan posted two fake mug shots on her MySpace this past weekend. One had her holding a sign that says "Id RaThr B wiTH mY Br0thR 18." And the other one says "Thnk U 4 Lettn Me B MahSelf." Brooke gets an F in Brit Brit-talk. She shoudn't try it. And a sign that says "PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO ME" would have been better.

Brooke is asking to be thrown into jail with her brother. Somebody please grant her this wish! I know it's a men's prison, but if you pat her down, I'm sure you'll find a set of testicles!

After the fake mug shots were posted all over the internet, Brooke posted a blog on her MySpace calling everyone HATERS.

LOL poor press and clingy gossip lovers....

It's so funny that the smallest thing I do can jack up everyones day...LOL sorry I ruined your little gossip world today people.........or did I give you something else interesting to cling to for your boring worlds? :) Stay tuned! I might go shave my eyebrows tomorrow! Lets see what other fun things I can think of...um.... don't you have a life to live? I know I do! Peace!

Love Always, Brooke

Do you hear that? uR JELis CUZ u dont undurrstand!

And Brooke, please don't shave your eyebrows. The cholas don't want you!

Either Ryan Phillipe is a midget or his chick is a fucking giant - Egotastic!

Kate Bosworth's bikini is missing something - Hollywood Tuna

Did Jenny Aniston get Angie lips? - IDLYITW

Obama channels Rick Astley - Towleroad

Courtney Love has Smurf jizz on her arm - Cityrag

Jessica Simpson performs at the State Fair - Hollywood Rag

George Clooney sunning his chichis - Popsugar

Nicky and Keith's matching leather outfits - Lainey Gossip

Brit Brit in her shit-stain-hiding bikini (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Hugh Jackman visits Sunday Roast - Just Jared

Thank the crack gods for this Wino fix! The withdrawals were getting really ugly. I mean, I almost chewed off half of my toe nails.

The Crackie of Camden was spotted outside of a recording studio in East London this past weekend. She's alive! Well, that statement is up for debate. Wino was last spotted on July 28th. How the hell have the ice pop vendors stayed in business without their Wino?!

And her crack hive looks a little sickly. Does it have a toothache? Is that why that scarf is wrapped around it?

Sigh. I'm already feeling better, but it's nothing like my first Wino hit. Chasing the Wino!

Tommy Girl makes a cameo in the upcoming "Tropic Thunder" and Ben Stiller told Elle Magazine (via MSNBC) that Tommy had some specific thoughts about his character.

Ben said, “Tom said… ‘I want to play the studio guy. I want to dance, and I want to have big hands.' I’d never thought about the size of a character’s hands, ever. …Tom was doing this little dance, and I was like, ‘This is insane. If this thing was on YouTube, it would be all over the world. It would be a crazy screensaver.’ ”

There's a simple explanation for this, of course. Tommy Girl asked for "bigger hands" because his baby gerbil fist isn't enough for John Travolta's hungry hole anymore. Johnny needs a watermelon. When Ben Stiller agreed, Tommy did his "horny alien dance" because he knew his bigger hands would make Johnny's hole slobber like a panting Mastiff on a hot summer's day.