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Tuesday, August 12th 2008

The Girl To Beat

During every season of "America's Next Top Model" there's usually at least one girl who Miss Jay and Ty Ty make fun of for looking too trannyrrific. Well, this season when they tell Isis (above) that she looks too "mannish" in pictures, they won't be too far off. You see, Isis is a real life tranny! Although, I'm pretty sure Dominique from last season was the show's first official tranny. There's no way that ho has a vagina.

According to Pazzo Kevin, Isis took part in the "homeless" photo shoot on the show last season. That's the shoot where the homeless teens looked hotter than the actual contestants.

Fucking finally! I've been waiting for Ty Ty to pull out this card. She's had the gayelle, the chick with Aspergers, the twins and now the transgendered girl! You know Ty Ty is going to talk about how she's single-handedly opening the modeling doors for the transgendered community. She's going to cry crocodile tears when she talks about how she's not a tranny, but she knows how it feels to be different, because she was made fun of for being too tall in school. Seriously, she always whines about how life was so hard for her growing up because she was too tall and had a forehead you could see from space. I mean, WTF?

Isis is seriously the one to beat! I'm putting all my Monopoly money on her. Below are some of my other favorite girls who actually look more like dudes than Isis does. If you an eff, you can also visit Top Model LiveJournal to see the rest of the hos from season 11. Yes, season 11. 11 seasons of Ty Ty's craziness.


Posted by: Michael K


Tuesday, August 12th 2008

Dane Cook Really Hates His Movie Poster

Dane Cook has taken to his MySpace to whine about the poster from a movie most of us will probably never see. Dane listed the 10 reasons why he loathes it so much.

He lost me when he said his "left side looks like Brittany Spears' vagina." First of all, it's BRITNEY, bitch. Second of all, Britney's delicate vagina looks more like the beautiful bouquet that dude from "American Pie" is holding.

The only problem I have with the poster is the fact that Kate Hudson and Dane Cook's skanky faces are in it. Besides that, it's fine.

Dane's 10 reasons on why he wants to eat his own movie poster and poop it out are after the jump. Try not to scream "douche" while saying it and you'll get a prize. JUMP!!

Posted by: Michael K


Tuesday, August 12th 2008

Dumb Bitch Of The Day

An employee at a Burger King in Xenia, OH decided it would be really fucking hilarious to get naked and have a Calgon moment in one of the sinks while another employee filmed it. The douche employee who goes by the name of Mr. Unstable (that's probably his real name) even tells the ho filming it to go and get Karen, the manager on duty.

I am shocked at Karen! She looks like the type who balances her checkbook, goes to church every Sunday, doesn't swear and even puts on two pairs of panties "just in case." And she just nods her head when she learns about this fuckery!

The video somehow made its way onto MySpace yesterday and from there it spread all over the internet. It eventually landed on the eyes of the County Health Commissioner, Mark McDonnell. Needless to say, he didn't find it as hilarious as Mr. Unstable did. He immediately sent his staff to the BK to investigate. All the employees involved were fired, including Karen. How is she going to show her face in church on Sunday?!

Burger King said they properly sanitized the sink several times and threw out all utensils involved in the incident. That's still not enough for Crystal Dodge (HOTTEST NAME EVER), who regularly eats at that very BK. She said, "That's just disgusting. I wouldn't want to eat here after I heard something like that, that's just not appropriate for employment. This kind of stunt really is a black eye for the restaurant itself." I wouldn't call it a "black eye," Crystal Dodge. I'd call it a dirt star.

I also hate to break it to Crystal Dodge, but I'm pretty sure Mr. Unstable has probably done worse. You know he's pissed in the ketchup and whopped one in a Whooper or two.

This is exactly why you need to stay away from meth! It makes you wear a tarantula on her head, and bathe in places where no one should ever bathe.

That being said, I'd totally hit it in a Burger King sink. Clip below:



Burger King Employee Takes Bath In Sink - Watch more free videos

Thanks Matt

Posted by: Michael K


Tuesday, August 12th 2008

Don't Tell Jessica Simpson About This

It's a good thing Jessica Simpson can't read, because this tidbit of information might get her vagina lips in a twist.

In September's Allure (via UsWeekly), Carrie Underwears claims Tony Romo stills calls her from time to time. She said, "We were both small-town people doing very big things, and we relied on each other, dealing with fame. I don't know. The phone will ring and it'll be him, and I'll maybe not answer."

What a country cunt! I think I'm in love. But this little passive-aggressive game these two twats are playing with each other is getting old. Jess wears a "Real Girls Eat Meat" t-shirt and Carrie drops these little jabs here and there. These bitches need to stop hiding and come out fighting. My pennies are on Jessica. Her frog mouth could swallow Carrie whole.

Here's Jessica and my girl crush, Ken Paves, out last night.

Wenn

Posted by: Michael K


Tuesday, August 12th 2008

WHAT?!

While watching last week's opening ceremonies of the Olympics, I thought to myself how adorable the little girl was who sang China's national anthem. Adorable with a voice like a precious hummingbird! Well, it turns out the pretty little girl was lie-telling to us all! She lip-synched the whole thing. She's the Zelma Davis of China!

Chinese officials confirmed that they decided at the last minute to pull 7-year-old Yang Peiyi (on the right) from the opening ceremonies, because they felt her teeth were too wonky to represent their country. They replaced her with 9-year-old Lin Miaoke who lip-synched to Yang's voice.

The ceremony's music director said, "The main consideration was the national interest. The child on the screen should be flawless in image, in her internal feelings and in her expression. When we had the dress rehearsals, there were spectators from various divisions, including above all a member of the politburo who gave us his verdict: we had to make the swap." Was Jeff Lewis from Flipping Out the musical director? Harsh!

Peiye claims she wasn't upset after she was told she couldn't perform, "I am proud to have been chosen to sing at all." Peiye is way too nice. I would've sabotaged Miaoke by making the track skip! That way Miaoke would've just stood there, shrugged and danced a jig like Ashlee Simpson.

That wasn't the only fake thing about the opening ceremonies. The 29 fireworks footprints were digitally added later. A cameraman in a helicopter filmed the fireworks as they were happening live, but producers thought the footage might be too shaky.

So what was real?! I actually gave a standing ovation to that shit! I got my lazy ass off of the couch and I never do that! AND I even toasted the TV with my martini. I feel so cheated! I want my money back!

VIA Daily Mail

Posted by: Michael K


Tuesday, August 12th 2008

She Misses Her Tight Rolled Jeans

A sad little Katie Holmes dragged herself into rehearsal this morning in NYC. She looks like a Morrissey song. Homebot needs a little hug and a cookie. Scratch that. She doesn't eat cookies. She needs a reboot and a new microchip.

Last night, Katie played the "happy wifey" at Tommy Girl's movie premiere in Los Angeles. She jumped on the family spaceship right after the premiere and made her way back to New York, where she's still rehearsing for "All My Sons."

Katie's probably depressed because everyone hated her tight rolled jeans. And by "everyone" I mean everyone but me. They grew on me. I like holding on to the past. I still have one of my fucking Cabbage Patch Dolls.

Wireimage, Wenn

Posted by: Michael K


Tuesday, August 12th 2008

I Give It One Week

Sir Bob Geldof's daughter and one of the biggest messes of the UK, Peaches Geldof, married some dude in Las Vegas. The Sun reports that 19-year-old Peaches and 23-year-old Max Drummey of the American band Chester French got hitched on either Wednesday or Thursday of last week.

None of their family or friends were around to witness this blessed union. Her spokesbitch issued this statement:

"The couple tied the knot in a simple low-key ceremony in Las Vegas last week, while holidaying in America. Peaches first met Max, 23, a Harvard graduate in anthropology, two years ago. Max's band, Chester French, played at the ITV iTunes festival, where Peaches was a co-presenter of the show. The acclaimed new Boston band were signed by Pharrell Williams to his label Star Track, a subsidiary of the giant Interscope Label."

Peaches was reportedly dating Farris Rotter of the band The Horrors. They recently broke up and I guess she celebrated by getting married! And it's a good thing her spokesperson issued a statement. Peaches probably didn't even know her new husband went to Harvard! The things you learn about your spouse from a press release!

Peaches recently made news when she apparently overdosed. She later brushed it off and said it was just a "bad experience." Hmmm....something tells me she'll say the same thing in a couple of days when she files for annulment.

Wenn

Posted by: Michael K


Tuesday, August 12th 2008

Afternoon Crumbs

What in Stepford hell did Maria Menounos do to her hair? - Hollywood Tuna

Jakey Poo
looking like a buff Billy Ray Cyrus - Popsugar

Volleyball asses of the Olympics (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Ginger Spice looks hot - Lainey Gossip

James Franco just can't stop talking about kissing Sean Penn - Towleroad

Sunday Roast makes her movie set debut - Just Jared

The Homer Simpson Euro - Cityrag

One of those Disney hos in a bikini - Egotastic!

Is Marisa Tomei wearing exquisite lucite heels?! - IDLYITW

The new Lara Croft - Hollywood Rag

Posted by: Michael K


Tuesday, August 12th 2008

The Spears' Mating Call


Okay, it's not their official mating call, but you know it's fucking close. This is Doris Probst and on Sunday afternoon she became the first woman to ever win The Husband and Hog Calling Contest at the Illinois State Fair. Fucking love her. Congrats!

Thanks Jussi

Posted by: Michael K


Tuesday, August 12th 2008

Wino's Revenge!!!

Amy Wino is planning to have the last laugh! Although, she doesn't really laugh. She kinds of cackles. CRACKles!

Even though the producers for "Quantum of Solace" dumped her version of the Bond theme for Alicia Keys and Jack White's version, Wino will release it anyway. She wants to prove that the producers made a big mistake.

She reportedly told New Magazine (via Gigwise), "I do think they could have waited a bit. If they want a worldwide hit I have them all up here (pointing to her beehive). I guess they are going for clean-cut and boring. When I do release mine - and I am tempted to do it on the same day - this would be the bigger hit.

Wino does have a few hits in her hive. She has hits of coke, hits of heroin, hits of crack, hits of weed, hits of Jenkem - whatever you want! She's got the whole drug world in her hive.

And this is never going to happen. She's just having a "green smoke" moment. You know, when you're sitting around with your friends, passing the bong and telling them how you plan to climb Mount Everest one day. You don't mean it. It's just the good shit talking.

Posted by: Michael K