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Too busy to live? Well, Oprah is too busy to pose for the covers of her own magazine. The Mighty O has been on every cover since 2000 and she's sick of that shit! That's what Page Six claims anyway.

A source told them, "Oprah has told the editors at O magazine she's tired of being on the cover every month. It's a pain. It takes a lot of time and energy and she's sick of it. She's given them six months to figure out what to do without her."

Hmm...I say they should go to the next letter in the alphabet and change the name of the magazine to P. That way international supermodel Phoebe Price can be on the cover each week. I'm joking! Don't throw salmonella-laced cutlets at me!

A rep for the magazine said this shit is a bold-faced lie and that Oprah will continue to pose for covers.

How hard could it be to get your picture taken once or twice a month? If it's really such a hassle, Oprah should get herself cloned. Or she can just pay for Gayle King to have plastic surgery to look just like her. I'm sure Gayle would queef at the chance to be Oprah's twin.

And since I mentioned Chicken Cutlets in this post, it would be illegal for me not to include some stunning photos of her. Here she is posing with her dog and a magazine while out in Beverly Hills yesterday. Seriously, that dog can't wait to fucking feast on her cutlets while she sleeps. Look at him sniffing and shit.

As expected, Gwen Stefani popped out a baby this morning at Cedars-Sinai in Los Angeles. E! reports that Gwen and Gavin have named their new baby ZUMA! ZUMA!!! It's not known whether ZUMA is a boy or a girl.

Zuma is an online game that I used to be obsessed with. I would play it until the early morn'! But I would never name my baby after it. ZUMA?! I mean, I could see if they named their baby Zima, because that is a delicious drink. But Zuma?!

Zuma Zuma is also the name of a drinking game I used to play! We should all play this tonight in Zuma's honor. Click here to read the directions. I would always fuck up on purpose just so I could take a shot.

Congrats to Gwen and Gavin. And my sympathies to Zuma for getting stuck with the name....Zuma.

UPDATE: People reports that Gwen and Gavin had a boy. Their rep also confirms that they have named him Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale. Say that five times fast. Zuma Nesta Rock sounds like a planned community in Arizona.

NOOO!!! Julius J.Carry III, who played Sho'nuff in "The Last Dragon," has passed away at the age of 56. Julius died of complications from pancreatic cancer on Tuesday in his Studio City, CA home.

Julius has nearly 60 TV and film credits to his name, but his role as The Shogun of Harlem is what he became most famous for.

He is survived by his wife, mother and brother.

Rest in peace, Julius. You'll always be the baddest mofo low down around this town!

Andy Somora and Anna Pastuszwska's July 19th wedding started out as a fancy affair. They were married on the beach in Lakeside, Michigan and their reception was held at a nearby art gallery. It was also going smoothly until the booze came out. That'll do it! Their guests started drinking like Wino at happy hour. It got so out of control that one guest even threw a metal lamp through a glass window. That's when the gallery owner called the police.

When the police arrived he found a group of drunken monkeys making a mess. The officer at the scene said he witnessed one guest drinking vodka straight out of the bottle. Hmmm...I don't remember attending a wedding reception on July 19th in Michigan.

The police and the gallery owner tried to break up the party, but the bride and groom were not having it. The chief prosecutor on the case told The Chicago Sun-Times, "Andy got angry and started yelling, 'What are you doing? This is my wedding! You're making my wife cry! The crowd was trying to hold back the groom from mouthing off more, but finally he broke free, and they had to take him down."

Andy headed for the officers and his drunk ass wife moved in to try and stop him. That's when an officer tasered Andy's ass. Anna also got shocked because she was holding on to her new husband. One of the guests said the police totally overreacted, "Imagine the kids and grandma seeing the bride and groom getting Tasered on the floor." Shit! That's better than watching the lame band! That should become a new tradition. You may now TASER the groom!

Andy and Anna were arrested and thrown in separate jail cells where they spent the night. Andy was charged with resisting police, a felony. He has already pleaded guilty and could face up to 30 days in jail. Anna also pleaded guilty to a reduced charge of resisting an officer. She was fined $600.

This shit gets even better (or worse depending on who you are). Two nights later, Anna and Andy were arrested again in Michigan after police responded to a noise complaint. The two newly married douchebags once again fought with police. They got tasered AGAIN! Tasered twice in one week! Andy was charged with pushing his new wife down the stairs, but the charge was later dropped as part of a plea bargain.

This is the romance of our time! If they make it their first year anniversary, they should celebrate by tasering each other! A couple that gets tasered together, fries stays together.

Thanks Peaches

I'd pay $250 to slap the highlights out of Billy Ray Cyrus' hair, but I won't pay that much to party with a prostitot. Miley Cyrus is throwing a Sweet 16th birthday party on October 5th at Disneyland in California. Mark your calendars! October 5th is the day to stay far away from Anaheim, CA at all costs. Miley's real birthday is on November 23rd.

Miley is inviting the public to her party at the happiest whorehouse in America, but it's going to cost you $250 a ticket. Proceeds will go to some charity called Youth Service America. She should also give ticket buyers a commemorative keepsake photo of her flashing her panties while giving her signature prostitot pout.

And what does Miley want for her birthday? She told Entertainment Tonight, "A car. I will let you know when I'm on the road so you get off the road!” Oh shit. She is the next Brit Brit and she knows it!

A car is fine. At least she didn't ask for a camera. I'm sure she'll get at least a thousand of those from pedos all over the world.

Sadly, Terrence Howard's video for his song (yes, song) "Sanctuary" doesn't feature a cameo from his favorite item in the universe: baby wipes. But I'm sure his back-up singers had to thoroughly clean themselves with baby wipes before even getting near Terrence.

This song and video is like a creamy bowl of Easy Mac with melted Velveeta and spray cheese on top. It's pure cheese. It's so fucking cheesy that Brit Brit will probably try and swallow it whole. The end is extra special because Terry gets all weepy-eyed. He's totally thinking of a vagina that wasn't properly sanitized with a baby wipe. Don't worry, Terry. My no-no hole is always baby wipe fresh.

And I know Terry is strictly a baby wipes man, but something tells me he may fall in love with Glory Hole Wipers. 4 cylinders at one time! I've already placed my order.

Thanks Faye and Karen

In the picture above, Brit Brit looks exactly like this rabid raccoon that used to always knock the trash cans in front of my mother's house late at night. That dumb bitch almost bit me once!

Anyway, Brit Brit may grease up her weave and jiggle her hog jowls at this year's MTV Video Music Awards. There's already been rumors that Brit Brit was working on a performance and now her hairdresser has added fuel to the fire. The creepy mole tranny known as Kim Vo told E! that he's possibly working on three hairstyles for Brit Brit. One hairstyle for the red carpet, one for the show and another one for her thrilling performance. I don't know why he's spending so much time on her weave. The three hairstyles are just going to look ratty, rattier and rattiest.

Hopefully, Brit Brit sounds just like this video taken from her Las Vegas concert a few years ago. This clip is actually pretty old, but it's been making the internet rounds the past couple of days. It's supposedly the live feed from Brit's microphone and some say it's a fake. I don't know why they would say that? She sounds like an innocent angel.......who was attacked in the throat by a donkey, beat in the head with an umbrella and thrown down a flight of stairs. Beautiful.

Is the original Wino dating Tom Green?! Martha Dumptruck would not be pleased - Scandalist

The men of London better beware! Kate Hudson is in town - Popsugar

Nicole Richie wants her man to stay away from the evil troll - Hollywood Rag

Jennifer Aniston needs to try eHarmony already! - IDLYITW

Hallmark's new line of gay marriage cards - Towleroad

Even one of the Power Rangers is knocked up - Just Jared

Souffle top! Keeley Shaye Smith is spilling out of her bikini (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Anna Faris needs to quit this "blonde bimbo" act already - Hollywood Tuna

HoHan is a lezzie without a bra - Egotastic!

Nicole Kidman is an awful hotel guest - Lainey Gossip

Matthew McConaughey sucks at surfing - Cityrag

A lovely person who obviously thinks very highly of Sienna Miller decorated her London home last night. You know you've really made it in life when someone spray pants the word "SLUT" on your home. And not just any slut. A satanic slut! At least I think that's supposed to be the sign of Satan. It could be a beautiful Christmas tree ornament. How festive!

I only have the word "CUNT" spray painted on my apartment door. I really wish someone would add a "SLUT."

After thinking about it a little bit, I bet you Sienna did this herself to give her home a cozy feeling. I approve. Nothing says "home sweet home" like the word "SLUT" spray painted on your house. You better believe Martha Stewart is going to devote an entire episode of her show on how to do this shit yourself.