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Jason Lee's girlfriend Ceren Alkac popped out a baby girl on August 10th. Unfortunately, we don't know her name yet. This is the couple's first. This is also very important news for me, because I cannot wait to hear what they have named her. As you know, Jason already has a 4-year-old son named Pilot Inspektor with some other broad.

These two look pretty creative so I'm hoping they completely outdo the name Pilot Inspektor. They have their work cut out for them now that Lunesta Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale has entered the world.

When Pilot was born, Jason said they came up with his name after listening to Grandaddy's 2000 album The Sophtware Slump. Jason said, "The opening track, 'He's Simple, He's Dumb, He's the Pilot,' absolutely blew my mind when I first heard it."

Please tell me they've been listening to a lot of ABBA! Chiquitita Enchained would be the best name ever. I have faith in Jason. He'll deliver an unforgettable name and it will be dazzling. Watch him name her "Jennifer" just to fuck with us.

Source: UsWeekly

Spaghetti Cat's owner has been found! Spaghetti Cat and his owner, Faye Murrell, were featured on Animal Planet's "Pet Star." Above is a clip of Faye's other spaghetti-eating pussy, Tessa, and this shit is both hilarious and terrifying. Here are some of my favorite moments from this clip:

0:35 - Faye tells us that she decided to teach her pussies how to eat with a fork, because she wanted some extra company at dinnertime. That's what dolls are for!

0:57 - Faye dips Tessa's paws into a bowl of water while singing "this is the way we wash our paw, wash our paw." This shit looks like a scene right out of a horror movie. It's like a satanic ritual. Hold me. I'm scared.

1:09 - Tessa is eating spaghetti with a plastic fork while wearing a bib! Faye velcros the utensil to Tessa's paw. Call PETA! Shit, Tessa has better manners than I do.

1:30 - Tessa is using chopsticks! Fucking chopsticks! Faye tells us she thought it would be a good gesture since they were going to Korea. This is too much. I can't take it.

1:37 - Tessa is eating ice cream with a spoon!!!! Faye says that Tessa would also like to have a meal with Oprah Winfrey. The sad part is that I think Faye actually heard Tessa tell her that.

One day Tessa is going to get up the nerve to stab Faye with a fork! Faye is about as crazy as they come, but I'm probably going to be just like her when I'm her age.

Thanks Laura

Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling were all lovey-dovey in Toronto yesterday. I guess this means they're back together? Aren't they just the cutest thing? I could shit! However, you know what would make these pictures even sweeter?

Imagine a cute puppy bouncing around Ryan and Rachel. Rachel picks up the puppy, thinking her day has gotten even sweeter thanks to this innocent soul in her arms. Rachel and Ryan coo at the puppy in between kisses. It's all a sugary sweet picture. Then when Rachel and Ryan least expect it, the puppy bites off her ear lobes and rips off one of his finger nails. They both scream in pain as the puppy laughs and runs off.

Yes, I'm an insanely bitter bitch who needs to go and sit in a dark bathroom with a box of stale graham crackers and a glass of piping hot Haterade.

This is some National Geographic bullshit right here! Aubrey O'Day is a walking Planet Earth movie. It looks like a big meanie snake swallowed a beautiful tranny swan! And Aubrey is just standing there, letting it all happen. Well, she probably can't see anything since there's two fucking hood rat tarantulas sitting on her eyes.

Aubrey came out at the wrong fucking time. She would have fit right in during the mid-80s. Back then we didn't give a fuck that our pop stars looked like busted drag queens who would suck a small one for a couple of Tic Tacs.

With all that being said, she's my fashion icon. Here's Aubrey at the "Traitor" premiere in NYC wearing the outfit that will be seen on the "Fashion Police" section of every tabloid magazine from here to Zimbabwe.

Is it just me or is John Mayer sort of wearing Hammer pants? I see just a hint of "U Can't Touch It" and I don't like it one bit. I don't even want to see a teensy bit of Hammer pants flavor. Let's not go there.

Stepford Katie's pegged jeans, I can handle. But 80s surfer pants of any kind should be kept in a box in your garage with the word "memories" scribbled on it. You can only take them out to dance to songs from the period and that's it. Do not wear them outside of the house. Not even the gym. Nowhere.

I mean, what's fucking next? Ripped up denim coochie cutters over spandex bicycle shorts? I don't think my ass can handle that anymore. And yes, I used to rock that shit in elementary school. I thought I was the sexy shit. No wonder my nickname was Fruity Pebbles.

Here's more of weepy Mayer with his brother outside of Nobu in NYC last night.

20-year-old Heidi Dalibor of Grafton, Wisconsin was arrested earlier this month over a couple of library books. No, she didn't stick them in her cooter in the middle of the library. She just forgot to turn them in before their due date.

Two cops came to Heidi's door and arrested her for not paying her overdue library fees, ignoring numerous phone calls and not showing up to court. They handcuffed her, took her down to the station and then fingerprinted and photographed her.

Isn't it a lovely mug shot? She looks so happy! She's probably thinking, "I better try and look cheer for this shit, because I know this is going to end up on The Smoking Gun."

Heidi's mother had to pay $172 to get her out of jail. Heidi also had to pay $30 for the two overdue paperbacks.

So what two books did Heidi go to jail for? Heidi checked out Janet Finch's "White Oleander" and Dan Brown's "Angels & Demons." Embarrassing! Although, if that was me, it would have been over a "Choose Your Own Adventure" book and "Dazzle" by Judith Krantz.

And books are dangerous! This is why I don't read books that often, because they get you into trouble!

Source

Thanks Madam Prince

Michael Phelps returns to his tank at Sea World - Towleroad

Old timey Gossip Girls hit NYC - Popsugar

Douchebag eating some kind of monster insect thing (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Ed Westwick loves Coke - Just Jared

Kellie "Calamari" Pickler in a bikini - Hollywood Tuna

Jessica Simpson looks like she's farting in the pool - Egotastic!

Heidi Klum without make-up - Hollywood Rag

A bbq at the Church of Brangelina - Lainey Gossip

Jesse McCartney needs to step away from the 10-year-old girl - IDLYITW

Naked in NYC - Cityrag

DaBrat was sentenced to three years in prison today for hitting a woman with a bottle of rum at an Atlanta nightclub last October. The judge also sentenced her to seven years probation and 200 hours of community service.

Three years?! Damn. I guess that's what she gets for wasting a whole bottle of rum, but three years?!

The victim, a waitress at the club, had to be hospitalized and suffered permanent facial scarring.

Let this be a lesson. Don't hit a ho with a rum bottle! Drink all the rum instead and then take a nap! And I'm sure DaBrat will be fine in prison. It's like an all-you-can-eat coochie buffet in there and DaBrat has an endless appetite!

Source

Why are they walking away from Jack in the Box? Isn't the luscious aroma of a Sourdough Jack beckoning them? Oh wait. A Sourdough Jack is made with beef. I forgot who I was talking about.

Somebody got their hair poo-pooed on! SamRo finally poured some Henna over that toilet water blonde mop she's been working for sooooo long. I don't know how to feel about this. On one hand, she no longer looks like she has Billy Idol's pubic bush on her head. However, her new hair paired with that outfit makes her look like a dykey nurse from the midwest who wears a pager on her waist band and drives a beat down Datsun pick-up truck.

And what is up with those outfits? Did they join some underground gayelle cult? Do they hold super secret meetings in Home Depot's storage room?

Here's more of SamRo and her lezzzzzzzzzzzzzbian lover going to lunch (not at Jack in the Crack) and buying dumb shit in Los Angeles yesterday.

Pink, the bull dyke with a clit of gold, has a new video for her really angry song "So What." While watching this shit, I can almost feel the heat from her flaming fish breath. The bitch is mad as hell. The song is basically about pretending like everything is fine while dealing with a break-up. Pink said the song isn't about her ex-husband Carey Fart (typo and it says.) He makes a cameo in the video.

This video shows you how not to act during a break-up. Don't get mad, get fucked! Some people tell you to "eat ice cream and watch chick flicks," but I say you should eat dick cream and watch chicks with dicks flicks! That's what Pink should do. Put down the chainsaw and pick up a vibrator! Her clenched vagina will thank her for it.

And I've always loved Pink. She's the gayelle love child of Brigitte Nielsen and Tabatha from "Salon Takeover."