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The Vadge's roided-up vag returned to the stage tonight in all its muscly glory! This 50-year-old woman seriously has a fucking six-pack on her gooch! It's insane! She probably has muscles on her teeth!

Vadge's "Dry & Sour Sticky & Sweet" tour opened up in Cardiff, Walsh tonight. 40,000 vadgeloonies watched as she thrusted her memaw crotch and flexed her veins. I better not joke. This bitch's pussy bone could probably beat the fuck out of me. Shit, if Vadge's pussy bone was in a fight with a tiger, shark and grizzly bear - her pussy bone would win in 10-seconds flat. I don't know how she can hold that microphone without breaking it into a million pieces. It must be made out of Kryptonite.

Anyroidy, Brit Brit's video played during the show as expected. Click here to see that mess. It's nothing we haven't seen before. It's just Brit going crazy in an elevator and then saying "Tt's Britney bitch" at the end. It's probably just from her home movies. Vadge really should have gotten Chrissy Crocker to do this shit instead.

Here's many more pictures of Vadge and her powerful memaw crotch. She also wore some heart-shaped Lolita sunglasses. More like Old-lita. Oh damn! Her memaw crotch is coming for me!

Millions and millions of dollars, international fame, a world icon and the bitch STILL can't buy a fucking hair brush. Homegirl looks like cold caca and she puts on a pair of ten million dollar sun glasses (that she constantly wears by the way) to do what? To look sexy hot or hide her shame? Yeah, it's the former.

Below are pictures of Brit Brit and her bodyguard out puttering around trying to blow the canola oil out of her scalp on Sunset Blvd. Her bodyguard person sort of looks like Shia LaDOUCHE's older brother who got dropped on his head a few too many times. And whatever happened to bodyguards who stayed in the fucking shadows? Now they smile for the cameras and shit. Wait. I think I know that smile. It's the "I've tapped that Frapp ass" smirk. Adnan Ghalib used to flash the same cocky grin. She's totally bumping pork rinds with her bodyguard.

At least Brit Brit is safely in the passenger seat and not driving, but it seems to me that she's seeking pap attention for her greasy mop.

No dad, no kids! Doesn't it remind you of the old days? She's free! As free as an empty Cheeto bag blowing in the summer breeze.

Are you effing kidding me? Celebrity boxing is so 2002.

OK! Magazine claims Michael Lohan intends to challenge K-Fed to a boxing match. Michael tells OK! "Everyone wants me to fight K-fed because he’s a notorious celebrity dad and so am I. It’s for charity."

Why did it have to be a boxing match? Why couldn't it have been who has the beadiest eyes match? Or who can fuck their family member out of the most money match. Or who has the worst shit eating grin match. Hell, make a sport of it, best two out of three.

Michael goes on to say "It's serious boxing. You have to go get a trainer. I have to register with the Mature Boxing Association."

C'mon who are you trying to kid, we both know you two are a bunch of pussies. You couldn't box your way out of a paper bag, even if you had an ice pick. I swear to god, if I have to see another has-been celebrity boxing match I'm gonna kick both their asses myself. Let's be real though. They would raise a fist at me and I would run off screaming like Gay Al getting double fisted with no lube.

Remember Vanilla Ice and Todd Bridges? Yeah, old 'nilla got his ass owned. But this fight wouldn't have a clear winner, it would be like watching slow douchebags fighting over an old bus schedule.

Besides, didn't two fuckers get into legal trouble for video taping bum fights? If K-Fed fights as well has he raps (or wrestles), he's gonna get murdered.

Lately I've been laying low on my coverage of The Katie Holmes Denim Watch '08. Not because I don't care, but because my obsession was getting out of hand. I knew I needed to back off when I actually took an old pair of jeans out of my closet and rolled them up. Staring back at me in the mirror was a homo who had gone over the edge. I was so close to committing an ultimate sin by going out in public like that. If you ever see me outside with pegged jeans, take a chainsaw to my ankles. I will probably call you a "stupid cunt" while clutching my bloody feet, but I'll thank you later with a sugar cookie and a Crisco handjob.

I couldn't resist posting these pictures of Stepford Katie arriving at rehearsals this morning. I'm sort of getting Boy George circia 1984 vibes from this total look. She should have gone all the way. Her face could use a couple of pounds of spray painted make-up. It might not make her look like she's just seen a monster. Oh wait. She might have just walked in on Tommy Girl giving himself a barley water enema.

I've also thrown in some pictures of Katie leaving rehearsal yesterday. Please don't tell me her bump is growing.....

Cruella de Stone has reportedly wrapped her venus fly vag around 24-year-old Chase Dreyfous. Earlier this week, InTouch (via SFGate) reported that Chase has been bragging to his friends that he's banging the cougar with a heart of stone. I'm not completely sure, but methinks this is Chase out with Sharon last night. Couldn't she have nabbed a 24-year-old who doesn't look like a used car salesman masquerading as some Hollywood big shot. That suit screams Men's Wearhouse clearance sale.

And if he's 24, I'm fucking 2-years-old. Actually, that would make sense. I still piss my panties from time to time and I love Gerber's Bananas Baby Food. It's fucking delicious with a bit of rum.

Here's more of Cruella and her not so much of a boy "toy" at Beso last night. Notice how Cruella is wearing animal print. That's not a print though. It's the skin of an extremely rare Periwinkle Snow Leopard who lives in the mountains of Malibu. Well, used to live in the mountains of Malibu. There was only one in the world and Cruella is now wearing it. R.I.P. Periwinkle Snow Leopard.

Last week, Donald Trump's wrinkly ass announced to the world that he was going to save Ed McMahon's pepaw kingdom by buying it and leasing it back to him. Ed was only days of away from losing his house. Well, as usual, Donald was talking out of his toupee. Somebody did buy Ed's house but it wasn't Donald. Ed's realtor told TMZ that Donald was outbid by a private buyer. Donald didn't even bother submitting another bid.

The private buyer placed the offer after Donald already got all the attention. The Donald issued this statement: "Blah...Blah...Blah...Rosie is a fat slob."

No, he said: "The other buyer has signed a purchase agreement....subject to many contingencies including but not limited to a mortgage contingency. Mr. Trump clearly would not need a mortgage and would be capable of closing this transaction immediately. If the other buyer should be successful in this bid, Mr. Trump truly hopes that they do the right thing by Ed McMahon and not have this 85-year-old American icon removed from the property."

According to The Associated Press, Ed will have to move out of the house, because the buyer plans to live there. Watch out Shady Pines! Here comes Ed!

Donald Trump should have kept his dehydrated worm lips shut until after the deal closed. But of course he wanted to bask in the glory of saving one of America's beloved pepaws! And Pepaw Ed needs to shred his wifey's credit cards and then send the bitch to Suze Orman.

Mr. Obama has chosen Mr. Biden as his main homey. Obama/Biden '08! We'll just call them BamBi! I like BamBi! They can call me Thumper! BamBi '08!!!

Anyway, when I first read that Mr. Biden was in, I immediately googled his wife! That's all I really care about. Michelle Obama is lovely, but I want some over-the-top glamour in the White House! Unfortunately, I'm not getting that from Jill Tracy Biden, Joe's wife. She needs a Shauna Sand makeover. Nothing says "wife of the vice president" like a pair of exquisite lucite heels and candy pink lip gloss. That's basically all she needs and she'll be ready to go. Cindy McCain is a ruthless and cruel she-devil so Michelle and Jill must come prepared. Exquisite lucite heels are not only the epitome of elegance and glamour, but they are also a formidable weapon against pill-popping ice queens!

I also checked to see if Joe has any party girl daughters. He doesn't, but his daughter Ashley (pictured below) is a known criminal! Okay, not really. Back in 2002, someone threw a bottle at a police officer outside of a bar in Chicago. When the officer went to deal with the bottle thrower, Ashley stopped the cop and said a bunch of shit to him. She was arrested, but the charge was later dropped after she apologized. BORING!!!! Give me some real shit!

Enough talk about these political hos! Politics gives me the runs. Below, I've also posted a picture of Joe's semi-hot son Beau Biden. He's also some politician-like person. I'd hit it.

La China - This hot bitch saved the life of an abandoned baby! La China was doing her morning stroll in a shanty town near Buenos Aires, Argentina when she found the newborn baby in a field surrounded by crap and boxes. The baby had been left there by his 14-year-old mother.

La China, who had just given birth to puppies, somehow carried the baby 50 meters. She carefully placed him with her own puppies. La China's owner heard the cries of the baby and found him covered in a rag.

The owner called the police and the baby is now being taken care of by authorities. The 14-year-old mother showed her face shortly after her baby was found.

La China has become a hero in Argentina. The media descended upon the shanty town to speak (or bark) with La China. Her owner said that La China is frightened about her new fame and she hasn't been eating.

Leave La China alooooooooone! She is a modest hero! The courts in Los Angeles should have placed SPF and JJ in La China's care! She's a hot bitch with a heart of solid gold!

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