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Sunday, August 24th 2008

Let's Get Physical.....ly Ill

What in Olivia Newton-John hell is going on here?! This idiotic excuse for a test tube baby must have found a way to achieve time travel, because it's the only way this twat is going remember anything from the 1980's. The 80s are officially DEAD thanks to this horsey whore. The 80s have been brutally massacred and there's nothing left to take! She has completely butt fucked a golden era of my childhood! Not to mention that she's flashing her pussy pad in the picture above. Close your legs and mouth!

Chrissy Crocker's slower, manlier and fuglier twin sister shot an 80s inspired video for her shit song "Overdosin" in Los Angeles this past Thursday.

You know this video was paid for with a creampie, a half-filled bottle of Valtrex and a taint shine from Spencer.

And because I've caused you pain by posting these truly horrific pictures of Heidi and her pony crotch, I leave you with a video from a TRUE STAR! Heidi could learn a thing or two or three or four from Cleopatra1944! Feel the raw emotion pouring out of her thanks to too many wine coolers and lonely nights.




Pacific Coast News

Thanks Standback

Posted by: Michael K


Sunday, August 24th 2008

Best Casting Ever!

File this under: The best casting decision since Vince Vaughn as Norman Bates! Christopher Nolan reportedly wants Cher to play Catwoman in the third Batman movie. The world could always use more Cher, so this makes complete sense.

According to the Telegraph, shooting begins when hell freezes over in Vancouver early next year and Johnny Depp has already been lined up to play The Riddler.

Some source who has obviously been sniffing too much paint said, "Cher is Nolan's first choice to play Catwoman. He wants to her to portray her like a vamp in her twilight years. The new Catwoman will be the absolute opposite of Michelle Pfeiffer and Halle Berry's purring creations."

I can already picture Cher sashaying up to Batman and saying, "Meeeeoooow. How's it going Batman? Ooooh Schonny Bono! Woo!" I also think Nolan should dump Depp and cast Elton John as The Riddler. That way the third Batman movie can be one big gay musical.

Posted by: Michael K


Sunday, August 24th 2008

The Show Must Go On


I haven't thought about K-Ci and Jo Jo since "Forever My Lady" passed through my iTunes a couple of months ago. That shit is still my favorite song to eat ice cream too. Well, K-Ci and Jo Jo are alive but not-so-well. The two crazy crackies left a lasting impression while playing in Sydney, Australia this weekend.

Skip to the 1:46 mark to see Jo Jo collapse like he just got a whiff of Parasite Hilton's coochie. A bodyguard-type person strolls onstage like this is nothing new, picks up JoJo's mic and then keeps walking. Seriously, the bodyguard dude looks like he's going on a leisurely Sunday afternoon walk and only stopped to pick up a pretty daisy to give to his mother.

AND K-Ci keeps singing while the audience screams "OMG! Pick him up!" If K-Ci stops singing, they won't get paid for the gig and who will pay for their crack rocks?!

Jo Jo finally gets up from his impromptu nap and waves at the audience before going offstage. He was probably just sleepy and didn't feel like singing the rest of the song.

They later said that Jo Jo was just "dizzy" from their long flight to Australia.

Maybe Jo Jo is on to something. The next time your boss asks you to do something you don't want to do, just collapse on the floor.

VIA Miss Info

Thanks Alia

Posted by: Michael K


Sunday, August 24th 2008

Hot Slut Of The Week: Spaghetti Cat

Birthday: ?
Age: ?
Birth Name: ?

Original Date of HS of the Day: August 20, 2008
Claim to Fame: Spaghetti Cat was originally featured on an episode of "Pet Star" on Animal Planet. But he became a national celebrity after "The Soup" showed a clip of him from "The Morning Show with Mike & Juliet." The show later explained that Spaghetti Cat was used as a "bleep photo" because one of the guests said the word "retarded."

Where is he now? He's at home, trying to find a way to drug his owner. "This is the way we wash our paw...wash our paw..."

Why is he HS of the Week? Because Spaghetti Cat gives me hope. Maybe one day I can sit at a table and eat spaghetti like a civilized pussy. And thanks to Spaghetti Cat, my faith in television has been restored.

Below is his clip from "The Soup." It seriously never gets old.




Posted by: Michael K


Sunday, August 24th 2008

Faith Evans Will Beat A Bitch's Ass

Faith Evans, the widow of Biggie Smalls, has an autobiography coming out this Friday and in it she talks about how she used to deal with being cheated on over and over again. Instead of taking revenge out on Biggie by maxing out his credit cards and emptying his checking accounts, Faith handled it the old-fashioned way. She writes, "I thought maybe kicking some ass would get the word out that chicks better think twice before messing with my husband."

Faith would even go so far as to get on a plane just to beat the skank out of a bitch. She writes that she once caught the red-eye to Virginia and found a girl in his hotel room. "I jumped on top of her and started beating her ass . . . 'Yo, Ma you need to chill!' Big said, 'I didn't even fuck her!' I mashed her in the face and then kicked her. 'Yeah, well, you should have,' I said." Well, I guess that's one way of handling the situation. I probably would have ordered room service and watched pay-per-view, but that's just me.

She sometimes didn't even bother doing her research! When she found a picture and phone number of some ho in Biggie's car, she found out where the chick lived, showed up and delivered "a brief but thorough beat-down."

Faith's legendary beat downs weren't solely for no-name sluts either. In her book, she writes about how she broke into Biggie's apartment, found him in bed with some bitch and then proceeded to fuck her up. The bitch turned out to be Lil' Kim. "I grabbed some chick out of the bed and started beating her ass. At some point, the chick's wig came off in my hand: It was a short, cropped wig. I stopped throwing punches for a minute to get a good look at the chick I was beating up. It Lil' Kim. She was completely butt-naked, yelling as I pushed her around the room. 'So you're not fucking her, right?' I screamed at Big. 'Yeah, you not messing with her anymore right?'"

Fuck! Think of all the time and energy Faith spent on beating bitches asses. She didn't even have to work out back then, because she burned calories from whipping whores. And you know Biggie loved that shit. He probably sat back and imagined them in bikinis.

I'm too lazy for that shit. Why bother exerting yourself on some stupid skank when you can just sneak Nair into her conditioner and switch her diet pills with laxatives. I mean, who wants to fuck a bald-headed ho with a bad case of shitty ass? Well, Tommy Girl does, but he doesn't count.

Posted by: Michael K


Sunday, August 24th 2008

Brenda Walsh Has Arrived

When Brenda Walsh enters a room, the raggedy ass hos taking space should find the nearest exit and scurry back home to their mommies There's no need for them anymore.

Yesterday was the premiere party for "The Brenda Walsh Bitch Hour" aka the new "90210." Shannen Doherty was gracious enough to show up and pose for a few pictures. I'm sure after these pictures were taken, she punched out a bartender, took a bottle of Grey Goose from the bar and went back home to un-handcuff her dude of the moment from her bed. Hopefully she spit on that cunt Kelly Taylor on her way out.

You know, I couldn't find any pictures of Brenda and Kelly posing together. Kelly knows better. She can't compete. She never could!

Here's some of the other skanks from last night's party. Since when did Lori Loughlin become one of "The Real Housewives of Orange County."

And the young whores of the show are trying too hard to compete with Brenda Walsh. They look like rejects from an amateur strip contest. Sorry little hos. Drink your milk and call it a night!

Wireimage

Posted by: Michael K


Sunday, August 24th 2008

Tranny Blow Up Doll Or Xtina?

The always reclusive Tranny Clown left her bat baby at home to perform for a bunch of rich skanks at the launch party of Trump Dubai in Los Angeles last night. And by "perform" I mean she probably did her usual butt fuck yodeling while waving her hands in the air like a crazy homeless lady trying to flag the bus.

I've noticed that Xtina almost never closes her mouth! In her defense, I think it's dangerous. If her lips even touch a little bit, the massive amounts of red paint plastered all over them will get stuck together. She would have to make an emergency dash to urgent care and that would be fucking embarassing!

By the way, in the 7th thumbnail below, the water bottle got stuck to her smackers. It took three busboys, a couple of bodyguards, a few gallons of nail polish remover and a bottle opener to pry it loose.

Wireimage,Wenn

Posted by: Michael K


Sunday, August 24th 2008

Aliens In Black

They came in from the night...........

Tommy Girl and Katie Holmes were out in NYC to see "South Pacific" at Lincoln Center last night. Don't ask me which alien robot is which. They are morphing into each other. It's only a matter of time before Stepford Katie is running around in platform sneakers, jumping on sofas, shouting "GLIB," and sniffing at Becks' crotch every chance she gets. It's fucking creepy. They probably have to wear name tags around the house because Suri gets confused all the time and calls Tommy Girl "momma" from time to time. Although, that's what John Travolta usually calls him so it works out.

Speaking of Suri, homegirl is probably covering her ears this morning, because Tommy Girl is prancing around singing "I'm Gonna Wash That Man Right Outta My Hair" after watching South Pacific last night.

Here's more of Tommy Girl and his elderly alien robot doppelganger wearing their sunglasses at night. And do you think that when Tommy lets go of Katie's hand, an alien cries? Probably.

Posted by: Michael K


Sunday, August 24th 2008

Hot Slut Of The Day!

Selene Luna - Actress, comedienne, assistant to Margaret Cho and one of the stars of "The Cho Show" on Vh1. I'm also pretty sure that she's La Pequena's long-lost twin sister.

Posted by: Michael K


Sunday, August 24th 2008

Birthday Sluts

Steve Guttenberg (50)
Rupert Grint (20)
Chad Michael Murray (27)
Dave Chappelle (35)
Marlee Matlin (43)
Craig Kilborn (46)
David Koechner (46)
Stephen Fry (51)
Anne Archer (61)
Vince McMahon (64)

Posted by: Michael K