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O.J. Simpson's girlfriend, Christine Prody, has been through a lot of effed up shit this year. Earlier this year, she was hospitalized for busting up her head after falling at a gas station. A few months later her head and arms went through the windshield of her car during a bad accident. And now comes this shit. The National Enquirer reports that Christine and O.J got their asses kicked by his 39-year-old daughter on August 24th.

Cops were called to his home after his daughter, Arnelle, attacked the both of them. Arnelle beat the juice out of him because he's not paying support to her mother, Marguerite. Marguerite is working at Walmart to pay the bills.

The fight ended with Arnelle pushing his fugly ass into a glass cupboard. A source said, "O.J. hit the cupboard hard and the glass shattered all over him. He fell to the floor, bleeding." Wait, did Arnelle recently visit Kelly Osbourne? Anyway, Arnelle panicked and called 911 but quickly hung up. 911 operators still traced the call and sent police.

A police report was filed, but O.J. refused to press charges. The article didn't say how badly Christine was injured. With her luck, she probably has a fucking broken neck and a bruised bagina.

Christine needs to wake up and NOT smell the O.J. He is a bad luck charm. Since she's been with him, she's suffered a busted head, broken legs and who knows what else. It's time for her to put her fake chichis on the next Greyhound bus. Destination: SAFETY! Her eyebrows are too beautiful to be living with all that drama.

E! reported that HoHan's favorite labia licker, SamRo, is planning to write a tell-all about her life. I think the working title is called "How To Bag A HoHan In 20 Steps." Step 1 through 5 probably involve illegal substances, leggings, orange grease and cotton gussets.

Michael Lohan got wind (aka the media farted it in his ear) of SamRo's supposed tell-all and issued this statement: "She's using my daughter. People never even knew who Samantha Ronson was until she met Lindsay. She was just some L.A. DJ. And now she's writing a book? I am at wit's end with this stuff. This is not in Lindsay's best interest." No, what's in HoHan's best interest is if you move to Pluto and change your name to Michael Blohard.

HoHan issued her own statement to Access Hollywood: “He’s out of control. I want him to stop hurting and talking to the media about the people I love." You see this, Michael? You're going to make the gayelle cry! Nobody likes to see a sad, freckly gayelle!

The strangest part of this whole thing is that I don't have a statement from White Oprah to post. Weird indeed. Where in orange hell is she? Did Nana Lohan forget to take her out of the tanning bed again?

As always, Jodie Marsh looked like a delicate flower freshly plucked from the Garden of Eden at the premiere of "Daylight Robbery" in London tonight.

I have only have one more thing to say : Christopher Nolan, here is your Catwoman. You're welcome.

Marcel Vigneron, the runner-up of Top Chef 2, was busted in Laguna Beach this past Saturday on suspicion of drunken driving. The foam lover was originally stopped for speeding, but the officer quickly realized bitch was wasted. He was arrested and later released on $2,500 bail.

Even though he spent most of Saturday morning in jail, Marcel still managed to show up to the Pageant of the Masters later that night. Drop and reload!

I have a serious question. How in the hell does Marcel keep his hair like that at all times? It always looks like he just got a shot of electricity in his penis hole. When he sticks his head underwater, his hair probably doesn't even get wet. He comes out looking just like that. His hair is filled with FOAM!

And since we're talking about Top Chef 2, does anybody have any naked pictures of Sam Talbot? It doesn't hurt to ask.

Source: OC Register

Before interviewing Solange, the anchors of Fox News Las Vegas, asked if she would talk about the closing of Jay-Z's 40/40 Club in Vegas. Solange's rep said "hell no" and the anchor agreed she would only keep it about Solange.

When the interview went live, Solange got lippy with the anchor. Basement Baby said, "I have to say that was not a very professional introduction before. Please don't tie me into family and my brother-in-law's establishment." The anchor had no idea what she was talking about. That's when a mysterious voice said to her, "That wasn't live, Solange."

It's not her fault! Solange couldn't hear things right. She had too much basement dust in her ears and everything was so confusing. Life is much simpler in the basement. Give her a break!

Something tells me Beyonce is going to get her for basically confirming her marriage to Jay-Z. Solange's mice friends are being fed to the house cat as I type this.

And you know that anchor is waiting out Solange's basement door. She's going to deliver an epic beatdown on Solange for coming at her like that on live TV.

Click here to see the clip

Lesbian activist, Del Martin (right), passed on to the big Home Depot in the sky this morning in San Francisco. She was 87.

Del captured a little piece of my coal heart when she married her partner of 55 years, Phyllis Lyon, on June 17th. They were the first gay couple married in San Francisco.

Kate Kendell, executive director of the National Center for Lesbian Rights, told SFGate that Del checked into a San Francisco hospital two weeks after a broken arm messed with her existing health problems. Kate also said that Phyllis was by her side during her last moments.

Del and Phyllis were a major part of the early movement for gay and lesbian rights. They founded the first lesbian organization, Daughters of Bilitis, in 1955. Del was also the founded member of several other organizations.

Rest in peace, Del Martin. Thank you for your courage and all the work you've done. Sorry. I hate getting sappy. I'll go eat a Twinkie now.

Thanks Momus

DMX is really fucking charming. In court yesterday, the judge denied his bond and set his next court date for October 3rd. To which DMX responded, "I ain't coming back on October 3rd!" Riddle me this. Isn't he in handcuffs and being held in a room with bars on the windows?

As DMX shuffled off, Judge Mr. Clean told him "I've never heard the F word before, so it's okay." Instead of leaving it at that, the judge told DMX's lawyer to let his client know that "I've heard the F word before." DMX's lawyer just kind of laughed like he just got a shot of helium in his ass.

I need to hang out in more court rooms. It's like a fucking comedy club in there. They should have a 2-drink minimum.

You better believe that if one of us said the "F" word in front of a judge, we'd be FUCKED in more ways than one.

Judge Mr. Clean obviously wasn't that offended by DMX's bomb. TMZ reports that today DMX's lawyer worked out a deal with the judge: time served and a $483 fine. DMX faced up to six years for trying to buy cokey and weed. This is in Florida. DMX still have ten million charges in Arizona. Arizona has 15 days to come and get him or he'll be a free man until he gets arrested again. Which will probably be about an hour after he's released.

And since DMX is always in a court room, can they please put him in front of Judge Judy just once. Just once! That's all it would take.

Julie Cooper from "One Day at a Time" tried to get bags of coke and heroin through LAX this morning, but was caught and busted. This is it!

48-year-old Mackenzie Phillips was making her way through security at Terminal 4 when the TSA stopped her to be screened. They found baggies and balloons of the bad shit in her carry-on. TMZ reports that baggies contain heroin and cokey. She's still in custody right now.

MacKenzie has had a long ass history with drugs. I thought she was over that mess! I mean, she even played a drug counselor on "Beverly Hills 90210." MacKenzie needs her own personal Counselor Ellen Marks. "Celebrity Rehab" here she comes! That's if she doesn't go to the chokey.

I even get the shakes while going through security when I have a bottle of shampoo in my carry-on. What was she thinking taking balloons of heroin through that shit? Well, obviously she wasn't. I don't know, but this makes me sad. Schneider, come take care of this child!

Jessica Biel stole one of my abuelita's outfits - Popsugar

Mr. Big's baby boy isn't amused - Just Jared

I don't know who Shayne Ward is, but he's a hot piece - Towleroad

DeAnna Pappas and her fake fiance are still together (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Extreme HO Makeover: Jessica Simpson is renovating Tony Romo's house - Lainey Gossip

Nasty Nastia is in a two-piece - Egotastic!

Kate Hudson sued over volcanic ash - IDLYITW

Tara Reid has her own clothing line. Fashion has gone to the whores - Hollywood Tuna

Stop me if you've heard this before....Kate Moss is naked - Cityrag

Rant time! I can't stand it when bitches carry their dogs around like this. Yes, I know dogs like licking each other's brown eyes in public, but that doesn't mean they want to show the goods all the time! That poor poochie doesn't appreciate Denise Richards showing off his beef bayonet to all the photographers. There's shame in his eyes. Just because Denise loves to show off her genitals to anyone and everyone, doesn't mean her dog friend does! Rant over.

Yesterday, it was all over the internets that Denise's reality show "I'm Constipated" got cancelled due to toilet bowl ratings. According to E!, the show hasn't been chopped...yet. They issued this statement to OK!: "The show has not been cancelled--The series has performed well for the network and decisions are still being made regarding a second season."

YES! This means more of Irv Richards! I'm still waiting for the episode where Irv sits Denise down, puts his hand on her thigh and gently breaks the news to her that she's a total cunt.

And I think what E! really meant to say was, "It's done, but we haven't told the crazy bitch yet."