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I knew there was a valid reason on why I feel an affinity towards Sheena the Warrior Princess from Harlem on "America's Next Top Model." And now I know what that reason is. It's because we are both Barbizon School of Modeling graduates! Barbizon alumni must stick together. It's a cruel world out there and Barbizon has taught us the necessary skills to get through it.

I'd love to see how Sheena opens a door when leaving a room. At Barbizon, we spent at least a couple of hours learning how to open a stupid fucking door when leaving a room. The correct way to leave a room after an audition is to walk with your face to the room at all times. Seriously. You must slowly walk towards the door, while smiling the entire time. Still smiling, you must grab for the doorknob behind you, open the door and walk through it backwards. You MUST keep your front parts to the skanks in the room. I was 8 at the time and this nonsense seemed like the most important thing in the world to me. Learning how to walk out of a room properly was going to make me a fucking supermodel. GAYER than gay! Barbizon probably made me like the peen.

I also learned at least a dozen ways to sit like a fucking lady. You see, if you're on a modeling call, you have to sit one way. If you're on an acting call, you have to sit another way. My mom paid thousands of dollars for me to learn this crap in the storefront of some strip mall! But it's made me the person I am today. I barely know what 2+2 is, but I know how to walk backwards out of a stupid room.

I don't even remember them teaching us how to pose or any shit like that. We did have a fashion show and photo shoot at the end of the year, but our parents had to buy the clothes. Below is someone's graduation runway show from Barbizon. My runway show pretty much looked the same, but they had a hotter emcee.

And Sheena isn't the only hot bitch to graduate from Barbizon. Ryan Phillipe, Augusten Burroughs, Carmen Electra, David Archuleta and various hos from "America's Next Top Model" are all graduates. What do they all have in common? They all know how to walk out of a room the right way!

Thanks Keila

John McCain was on "The View" this morning and turned the joint upside down. Although, that's not hard to do. John he wants the constitution interpreted the way that it was originally written. This didn't sit well with Whoopi and she responded: ""Should I be worried about being a slave, about being returned to slavery because certain things happened in the Constitution that you had to change?" If only Cindy McCain was sitting there at the time! She would've freaked out and ran for the nearest medicine cabinet.

That's what Barbara Walters should have done instead of opening her mouth and saying, "Us white folk will take care of you!" WTF?! Is Babs cutting her Metamucil with crack again?! She sounded like Miss Millie from "The Color Purple." Seriously, Babs needs to go to her room, lock the door, put a warm towel on her head and lay down for a real long time.

Even Sherri couldn't believe this fuckery! I think Hasselcrack probably went caca in her white silk panties. Joy seemed to be the only one enjoying this shit.

I know. There's no way Mimi La Rue is the father. First of all, she's not male. Second of all, she's in heaven. Third of all, she would never get near that skanky tramp Kelly Taylor! I just wanted to post her beautiful picture. I miss seeing her cranky face.

So! The father of Kelly Taylor's 4-year-old son will be revealed on "90210" this Tuesday. I'll have to watch it on Wednesday night, because of my Tivo issues. The producer bitches of the show told People that there's a possibility the daddy will show up on a future episode.

Kelly has already said that she went to high school with the daddy and they have a history. They stopped talking after high school, but did sexy times together 4 years ago and she got knocked up. I knew Kelly didn't use protection. Dirty tramp! Kelly and the daddy haven't had much contact since.

Also, on the first episode, Kelly was on the phone with Brandon Walsh when her kid walked in.

Personally, I'm hoping that it's Nat. He needs a major storyline. But I'm pretty sure it's going to be Brandon. At least, I hope it's Brandon. Dylan has probably spent the last 5 years in a mental hospital because he never got over losing the love of his life....Brenda. Furthermore, why do I care?

While I stew on that question, watch this scene between that fugly whorebag Kelly and the legendary Miss Walsh. All I want is for Brenda to smash that cup over Kelly's stupid head. And I laughed when Brenda said Donna's baby is "cute." Brenda is such a good liar.

Don't stop praying for Kanye West's MacBook Air. Yes, it's still alive, but Kanye hasn't done a caps-filled angry rant about his arrest yet.

The only thing he posted on his blog was this: "We back in the lab!!! I'm cool with the paparazzi. This guy wasn't cool. I gotta work now... I'll rant later!"

At least he's giving his MacBook Air some time to strengthen up and prepare for the furious beating it's going to get from Kanye's phalanges. Phalanges is a silly word. I need to use it more often.

TMZ reports that Kanye might not be charged at all. Kanye's assistant is the one who did the most damage. He broke two cameras totaling around $8400. In California, fucking up property worth more than $400 is considered a felony.

Kanye broke a camera light which is worth $100. Therefore, his assistant will probably be charged with a felony and if Kanye is charged at all, it would only be for a misdemeanor.

How much do you want to make a bet that Kanye Walks! Sorry. It was just laying there for me. I had to write it.

Image: Splash

I can only tell Brooke Hogan and her daddy's girlfriend apart, because the other chick has a turtle head. Seriously, I think one of Brooke's low hangers is bigger than that chick's head. Other than that, they pretty much look like twins.

I'm sure Hulk Hogan is always crawling into the wrong bed. Ugh. Gross. I swear that house is full of SUCIO!

How many pairs of Spanx do you think Chestica is wearing? - Hollywood Tuna

Marc Jacobs and some dude put on a kissy show for the paps - Towleroad

Can it be? "9 to 5" the musical is actually good? - Popbytes

Is Kiki the newest member of the alien army? - Lainey Gossip

RiRi's hair still looks like caca, but that drink she looks delicious - Popsugar

WTF happened to Channing Tatum's body? - Just Jared

Drunk celebrities galore - Cityrag

Lisa Rinna has some serious nipples (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Damn. Katharine McPhee has a big rack - Egotastic!

Sophie Monk bike rides in a bikini top. That's talent - IDLYITW

Kim Kardashian does not care about the safety of schoolchildren - Hollywood Rag

JLo was supposed to be the final guest judge on "Project Runway," but she hurt her foot and couldn't make the runway show today. Hey, don't laugh! It must be hard on her poor feetsies having to carry around that four-ton ego every single day. One of her feet finally cried "mercy" and gave in.

She really doesn't need the use of her stupid feet to sit there and judge a fashion contest. Skeletor could've put her ass on a dolly and wheeled her in. It's not like the bitch walks around anyway. Even if her hoof wasn't jacked up, she would've been carried in. I guess this means JLo's not going to compete in a triathlon this weekend. How fucking convenient. She's going to make the Dragon Tales Twins compete in her place.

Tim Gunn replaced JLo as the finale judge. He's better than her ass anyway. Nobody cares about fashion more than Tim Gun! I mean, when he's looking at a dress, he always puts his hand on his chin. That shows that he cares and is really thinking this shit through!

Project Rungay has pictures from the entire show. All six remaining designers showed collections, so there isn't any major spoilers on who the finalists are. I'm totally rooting for that grouchy ass Korto! Have you ever seen her crack a smile? She's my kind!

UsWeekly has come out with their second annual list of the 25 Most Stylish New Yorkers. You know, because next to Vogue, UsWeekly is the go-to fashion bible. The list included Aubrey O'Day, Ty Ty Banks and that one frigid bitch from that one morning talk show.

Aubrey definitely belongs on that list. Nobody expertly mixes the styles of "cracked out disco dancer," "hooker with a penis" and "burnt up Palm Beach socialite" quite like Aubrey. She is a true fashion artiste.

I also agree with their choice of Ty Ty, because if I don't, she'll sic her tenhead on me. Hasselcrack shouldn't be on a "best" anything list.

The list also includes John Legend, Christian Siriano, Kelly Ripa, Gayle King, Sean Avery and Nina Garcia. Click here to see all the hos on the list.

Us completely fucked up by not mentioning one of the most stylish New Yorkers of all-time: ROJO CALIENTE!!!! This hot bitch makes an outfit from the clearance bin at Men's Warehouse look like a million dollars! She is a style icon. Just the other day I wore a pair of old pleated khaki shorts in her honor. And I can't believe I just admitted that I own a pair of pleated khaki shorts.

Holy cokey! Reverend Christopher Layden, a catholic priest, has been arrested and charged with selling coke from his church office and rectory. 33-year-old Chris was busted on Wednesday at St. John's Catholic Newman Center on the University of Illinois campus in Urbana. The cops were able to catch him thanks to a little help from an "informant." Jesus works in mysterious ways.

Cops confiscated three grams of coke during their search of his rectory. But did they search his rectum?

Fox News reports that Chris pleaded not guilty to "two counts of delivery of less than 1 gram of cocaine within 1,000 feet of a church and one count of possession with intent to deliver 1 to 15 grams of cocaine near a church." The charges are more severe because he committed the crime on church property. His bail was set at $50,000. The Catholic Diocese of Peoria has suspended him.

I wonder what Rev. Chris' confessionals were like? "Forgive me father for I have sinned.....and can I get half a gram?" Rev. Chris would respond, "Say twenty Hail Marys and

And do you think Rev. Chris blessed the coke? That's a selling point!

In case you didn't figure it out from the overwhelming stench of dirty douche water reeking from these pictures, it's Pete Wentz in a disguise. A disguise that makes him look like Ned Flanders going to a Halloween party as Doris Day.

Only this twat bag could make a delectable donut look like a throbbing, wart-ridden butthole. And Ashlee's jeans are so fucking tight on him that I can pretty much see his uterus.

Here's more of the attention whore passing out baked crap and t-shirts from his new line in Los Angeles yesterday. For his sake, I hope Pete didn't wear this stupid shit in front of Papa Joe. Fake-looking blonde hair on a dumb vagina is all it takes for Papa Joe to pop a boner.