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Some bitch once told me that Ben Affleck isn't a stranger to wearing fake hair, so his head is probably right at home with this Jesus wig on.

Ben sort of looks like this one hot homeless dude in my neighborhood who always looks at me with lusty eyes. It's probably just a combination of him being stoned and me being delusional. I swear, if Hot Homeless Dude had a sign one day that read, "Will hit it for food," I'd immediately take him up on his offer. Who cares if his super scabies would probably set up camp on my ass cheeks! That's what the free clinic is for.

Ben wore this shit on his head for a movie called "Extract" with Jason Bateman. Is that shit low-budget? They couldn't even afford to throw that polyster mop into a tub of RIT, so it matches his beard? Anyway, here's a few more pics of Ben looking dick cheese fresh on the set in Los Angeles yesterday.

The city of Hollywood got an extra shot of homo faaaaaabulousness yesterday when the Village People received their star on the Walk of Fame. That star looks so bland. It should be extra sparkly or something. This is the Village People we're talking about!

Some of the original members of the Village People weren't even there which totally sucks. The original cop, Victor Willis, managed to show up. He watched the ceremony from the sidewalk. He also wore a cop costume that was probably found in the "last chance bin" in the Halloween section at KMart. A couple of LAPD officers had to check Victor's fake gun to make sure it wasn't real. That fucking makes me sad. Victor shouldn't be standing on the sidewalk in a paltry cop uniform. He should up there with the rest of those ripe fruits. Life isn't fair.

Charo was also on hand to congratulate the dudes. I'd like to think that Charo accidentially walked in on the ceremony. In my head, Charo spends her Fridays afternoon, strolling through Hollywood, coochie-cooing for all the tourists. She's so fucking hot.

33-year-old Wendy Brown of Green Bay, Wisconsin never graduated high school, so she somehow got the harebrained idea that she would get back the memories she never had by enrolling in Ashwaubenon High School as her 15-year-old daughter. This is what happens when a crazy bitch falls asleep while watching "Never Been Kissed." Josie Grossy is to blame.

Josie...I mean...Wendy used her daughter's ID to enroll in school and join the cheerleading squad. Before school started, Wendy showed up to cheerleading practices, bought a uniform, got her own locker and even went to a party at the coach's house. Give me a F-A-K-E-O-L-D-C-R-A-Z-Y-B-I-T-C-H! What's that spell?

A high school employee said that Wendy was a little shy and cried when talking about having to move from her school in Nevada. The employee said Wendy looked a little older than your average student, but she acted like a regular 15-year-old.

School officials started to get a little suspicious when Wendy stopped showing up to classes after the first day of school. The principal found out that Wendy's daughter was registered at a school in Nevada. When the principal called Wendy's mother, she said she has custody of the 15-year-old girl. Wendy's mom also said she has a history of stealing other bitch's identies.

Wendy's high school dreams were crushed when she was arrested for felony identity theft. Also, the check for $134.50 that Wendy used to buy her cheerloading (typo, but it says) uniform bounced.

Her bond was set at $8,000. She faces a $10,000 fine and six years in the chokey if convicted.

I don't blame Wendy for wanting to go back in time. Sometimes I wish I was back in grade school where life was easy. The most stressful thing was trying to dig for clay in the sandbox. Every other kid seemed to find clay except me. Sad.

And all those bitches who came in contact with Wendy need to go and get their eyeballs worked on. What in Andrea Zuckerman hell were these people looking at? In what world does a 15-year-old look like a middle-aged night shift clerk at Kum & Go?!

Source

Nicole Richie was leaving the Charlotte Ronson after-party in NYC the other night when a Swedish tourist started taking her picture. A witness told Page Six that Nicole handled it the Kanye West way. The witness said Nicole shouted at them, "I'm not an animal," and then she "jumped over the velvet rope, ripped the camera out of the girl's hand, and smashed it to the ground."

Wow. Nicole Richie jumping over a velvet rope? That sounds kind of cute actually. It probably looked like a tiny chihuahua daintily hopping over strips of cardboard.

And what Nicole didn't realize is that the Swedish tourist was taking her picture because she really thought Nicole was an animal! A marmoset with a silly headband. Seriously, Nicole needs to loosen that baby belt on her head and chill out! She should be happy that people are still taking her stupid ass picture.

Below is a video of a sweet and tiny chihuahua daintily hopping over strips of cardboard. I take it back. There's no way Nicole looked this cute.

While Chestica Simpson was busting out the eardrums of baby pigeons with her country croaking on "Good Morning America" last Tuesday, a group of Chuckies provided some real entertainment. Ain't that a bitch! Getting upstaged by fucking Chucky! When a group of dancing Chuckies are more entertaining than you are, it's probably time to move to Plan B. Or in Chestica's case, Plan S. The S is for SIT THE FUCK DOWN.

Even though the dancing Chuckies have serious moves, I'm a little disappointed with them. I mean, Chestica isn't that far away from them and they are holding sharp weapons..... I guess they figured that she's already committing enough bloodshed by opening up her frog trap.

Etty Farrell -The wife of Perry Farrell, the mother of his two kids (Hezron Wolfgang and Izzadore Bravo) and the sexiest ladyboy in all the land. She's also in a band with Perry called Satellite Party. Below are some super sexy of them performing together. Obviously, Etty is very flexible and loves airing out her gumdrops. She's the most elegant bitch in rock!

P.S. - Herzon and Izzadore?! They sound like Eastern European goth cabaret singers who moonlight as superheros.

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