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.....on the country music charts. I'm surprised it sold even 1 copy, let alone 65,000 copies. Jessica Simpson's album Do You Know (without the question mark) also debuted at No. 4 on the Billboard Top 100. Metallica's Death Magnetic was No. 1 with 490,000 copies.

Jessica's last album sold 101,000 copies in its first week. It ended up selling around 300,00 copies total. Her album before that sold 2.9 million copies.

Papa Joe must have gotten a shit load of air miles from his credit card after buying 50,000 copies of the big-tittied frog's record. Honestly. After being tortured by Jessica's cuntry croak all last week, who would spend their hard-earned dollars on that shit?

'll admit that I listened to the whole album for research purposes. YES. Research. I can't remember one song from that crap. I'd rather listen to see Shania Twain's Come on Over for the rest of my days than have to listen to Jessica's bore songs one more time.

Shut up! I know what you're thinking. That Don't Impress Me Much is a hot song and you know it.

Source

Every Sunday when I'm not going to church, this is the amazingness (yes, amazingness) I'm missing out on. If I wasn't threatened by a meteor hitting me before even entering the building, I would definitely go to The Way International Church in Ohio and witness this for myself.

These three individuals have moves that I've only seen in underground dance videos from the 80s. The dude's dance break is what electric dreams are made of. He does the cabbage patch, the moonwalk and the wave! The renewed mind IS the key. And so is totally awesome dance moves.

I seriously want to find these people, bring them to my apartment and hide them in my bathroom. When the executives at Disney see this, they are going to want to turn them into superficial prostitots. I can't let that happen!

I couldn't find this video on YouTube or anywhere else, so click here to see it. You have to click.

Thanks Jenna

No, that's not Jenna Jameson. It took me a few eye blinks and head shakes to realize it was my favorite dirty puff ball Aubrey O'Day of Danity Kane licking who knows what off of that stripper pole. Although, I'm sure she's licked off worse.

These truly elegant photos of the always classy Aubrey are from Complex Magazine. They look like stills from an amateur tranny porn. Aubrey also had a very insightful interview with the magazine. They talked about everything from her best friend Jenna Jameson to doing sex while on the rag. Hot. Here's some quotes:

On being called a slut on blogs and in magazines:

If I have to be ridiculed and called a whore and the party animal and the dumb girl for the rest of my career, I’m OK with that. Because I love who I am. You’re going to have to interpret me however you’re going to interpret me.

On jacking off to one of Jenna Jameson's porn movies:

I watched her before she was my BFF, I don’t watch her anymore. I was actually masturbating one night to, like, Anal Sex Compilation #3 or whatever, and she was in it and I was like, “Oh no!” I had to turn it off. It was horrible.

On her love of porn:

I usually watch black guys doing white girls, that’s my little fetish, even though in real life race isn’t a factor for me. Really, I’m more turned on by watching the girls than the guys. I love someone who looks like they’re really into sex.

On ever starring in her own porn movie:

I wouldn’t. I’d like to keep my sex life personal. I’ve had sex on camera with my boyfriend for fun, though.

On sex while on your period:

Yeah. There was some new guy I was dating, and it was the first time we were going to go there, and he was weird about it. So I ask Jenna for advice and she’s like, “Honey, it’s just a little war paint, who cares?”

Aubrey would totally suck a dick in a truck stop bathroom for a half bag of M&Ms, but that's why I adore her. She's a dirty skank who doesn't apologize.

It feels like it's the year of the slut. Sienna Miller is out there shamelessly flaunting her slutness and Megan Fox brushed off the fact that she grabbed her man's dick in public. It's an exciting year to be a dirty whore! We should all be proud of ourselves. The slut revolution is taking over. Hopefully, 2009 will be even sluttier.

Visit Complex to read more from Aubrey's interview and to see even more artstic photos of her. I'd wear a condom just in case.

The producers and actors on "90210" are about to stage an intervention for two of the girls on the show, because they basically look like skeletons. Wait...hold up...did somebody say "Intervention"? It's like I'm walking on sunshine! Okay, back to the important topic at hand.

A source told UsWeekly that Shenae Grimes and Jessica Stroup have lost tons of weight since joining the show. The source said: "I've never seen Jessica or Shenae eat."

A weight-management expert guessed that Shenae is 5'3" and weighs 90 pounds. They gussed Jessica is 5'8" and weighs 100 to 105 pounds.

Producers and the boys of the cast want them to eat more and are about to sit them down for a little talk. Producers on TV shows care?! Since when? The producers are probably creaming their chonies that their girls made the cover of UsWeekly.

These two girls need to sit down and watch a few episodes of the old "Beverly Hills 90210." I'm specifically talking about Gina Kinkaid (played by Vanessa Marcil) and Kelly Taylor. Gina was bulimic and Kelly was addicted to diet pills among other things. Do you remember when Kelly passed out in the bathroom of the Peach Pit? A cry for help! Jessica and Shenae need to watch this shit so they can learn from their predecessors.

And if that doesn't work, sic Brenda Walsh on them.

You know what they say? A family that gets high on meth together, stays together! Stays together in jail, I mean.

Ryan O'Neal, 67, and his son Redmond, 24, were busted in Los Angeles this morning on suspicion of meth possession. The police were doing a probation search at Ryan's house in Malibu when they found a vial of meth in Ryan's room. They searched Redmond and also found a little meth on him.

Ryan should have copied his daughter, Tatum, and said: "Um...we're researching a movie role. It's called 'The Tatum O'Neal' story and we're playing ourselves."

Both of them are currently in jail on $10,000 bail.

Just add this to Redmond's meth resume. Last year, he was arrested in Malibu for DUI and posession of meth and heroin. In 2005, he was put on probation after he was busted for coke and meth posession. Farrah Fawcett must be beaming with pride!

Ryan was arrested last year for attacking his son Griffin with a fireplace poker.

Now we know what to get the O'Neal family for Christmas, a build-your-own meth lab kit! It's something the whole family can do together!

Source: TMZ

What did that stuffed monkey ever do to deserve this?! - Popsugar

Brit Brit looking sort-of okay? - Egotastic!

Jennifer Aniston going to the gym. Warning! There's an up-close crotch shot (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Wonky McValtrex with her gay leather flunkies - Towleroad

Hayden Panatroll got a ticket. Throw her in the clink! - IDLYITW

Rosario Dawson should punch her make-up artist - Hollywood Tuna

Jacko doesn't know what organic means - Hollywood Rag

Officer Booty takes her job seriously - Just Jared

More from Stepford Katie's secret closet - Cityrag

A little Robert Downey Jr. for a Hump Day afternoon - Lainey Gossip

Candace Bushnell, the author of "Sex and the City," is writing a teen novel about Carrie Bradshaw's filly years. Sex and the Locker Room! Sex and Detention! Sex and Homeroom! You get it.

Candace said: "I've always been interested in exploring Carrie's teenage years. Carrie in high school did not follow the crowd - she led it. It was there that she began observing and commenting on the social scene."

HarperCollins, the bitches publishing the book, said: "Teenagers are rabid fans of the Sex and the City book and show. I can't wait to see what happens when Candace turns her sharp eye for social commentary to the other competitive jungle that is high school."

Teenagers in high school are probably having more sex than me, so I guess this makes sense. Although, I think I liked this idea better when it was called "Square Pegs." Seriously. That shit was sort of like SATC. Not really, but let's just pretend for once.

Obviously, Patty Green is Carrie Bradshaw. Muffy Tepperman is Charlotte, LaDonna Fredericks is Miranda and Jennifer DiNuccio is Samantha. And what about Lauren Hutchinson? Well, I guess she's Stanford.

Source: USWeekly

In the new issue of W Magazine, Josh Brolin tells us exactly what he thinks of his father. You can smell the Tequila dripping off of his words:

“My dad is probably one of the handsomest guys ever. I was making a joke and I said, ‘If I was a chick, I’d fuck you.’ He was like, ‘You can’t say that! Shut your mouth!’”

This is not something I would ever say to one of my parents, but this is a Hollywood family we're talking about. Imagine the things Papa Joe says to his daughters? Papa Joe's compliments to his girls probably make Josh's quote sound like it came directly from a Christian family movie.

I guess dog caca is a big issue in the Israeli city of Petah Tikva, because owners have been asked to take their poochies to their vet, so that DNA samples can be collected and stores. Officials will use the doggy DNA samples to match abandonded dog poop found on the streets. Owners who don't pick up their pet's crap will face a fine.

Specially marked caca bins have also been sit up around the city. Owners who continually use bins will win things like doggy toys and food coupons. It's like a poopy punch card.

If the program works out, the city will make it mandatory for all dog owners to provide them with DNA samples.

The city's chief vet said: "My goal is to get the residents involved, and tell them that together, we can make our environment clean."

This isn't a bad idea. As much as I HATE having to pick up steaming bowel nuggets, I hate it even more when I see that shit on the street. Sometimes when I'm walking on the sidewalk, it feels like I'm playing hopscotch, because I'm trying to avoid stepping on poo.

Cities should also consider doing the same thing with humans. Have you seen some public toilets? Some of them look like the Willy Wonka Chocolate Factory exploded all over them. And the whores responsible for that madness just walk away. That should be a crime. My day has been absolutely ruined from walking in on a porcelain mudslide.

Source

Thanks Sylvia

Nicole Richie apparently packed up her happy little shit, grabbed Sad Clown Baby and moved out of the house she shared with Joel Madden after a some stupid fight. Nicole didn't exactly move out, because she came back the next day. A source told Star Magazine: "This was her way of sending Joel a message."

HA! We've all done that shit. One time, I had a huge fight with my live-in-boyfriend at the time and I threatened to move out. I knew I had nowhere to go, so I just went around the place packing up all my shit. While stuffing boxes with my crap, I would shout at him, "Fuck this shit! I'm over this. I'm leaving for good this time. You hear me? I said I'm leaving." He didn't stop me, so I kept at it. I even went to the kitchen and started packing up dishes. "These fucking dishes are mine! There's no way I'm going to let your whores eat off the dishes I paid for. I'm through with this shit. I'm LEAVING. L-E-A-V-I-N-G. I'm not coming back! Did you get that?!" At that point I started to panic, because I really didn't want to have to spend the night in the shelter. I finally said, "You know what! Fuck this. You leave!" He was probably embarrassed for me, because he apologized and asked me to stay. I responded, "I'll fucking think about it! Let me sleep on it and I'll tell you in the morning!" Ain't love grand?

Back to Nicole! The fighting didn't end after Nicole's walkout. A few days later the two traveled to NYC for fashion week and fought the whole time. After fighting at some party, Joel ditched Nicole and went back to L.A. At a VMA party, Joel started flirting with Mischa Barton. Wonky McValtrex, who was also the party, took pictures of Joel and Mischa dancing and texted them to Nicole. Nicole immediately accused Joel of cheating on her with the cellulite wonder and now they are sleeping in separate rooms.

Hmmm....I feel for Nicole and I would shed a tear for her, but I'm too busy not giving a fuck. That's what she gets for shacking up with a member of Good Charlotte.