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Pat "you are so fucking hot" O'Brien has been fired is leaving "The Insider." Whoever didn't see this coming really needs to eat more fish for dinner.

Pat was already demoted after he went to rehab for being a cokehead. Earlier this week, an e-mail Pat sent to the staff of "The Insider" got leaked. He trash talked Lara Spencer in the e-mail and also talked about how he wanted to save the world or something.

CBS wouldn't say why they parted ways with the dude who wants to "get some hookers and coke." They issued this statement:

"Pat O'Brien is a talented broadcaster who has been a part of The Insider family from the very beginning. Although we have decided to part ways, everyone at CBS Television Distribution and The Insider greatly appreciate and respect all his contributions to our show. We wish Pat much success in his future endeavors."

Lara Spencer is totally celebrating this news by treating herself to a full-size Oreo cookie pie from Baskin Robbins. She's going to eat the whole thing one sitting while letting her dog lick her toes. I'm telling you. I'm convinced those entertainment news show robots are freaks!

So now what's going to happen to Pat O'Brien? I hear the phone sex business is pretty lucrative....

P.S. - Why does Pat's face look like that?

Lily Allen is now video blogging and she needs to learn how to do that shit with her mouth closed! She's eating her lunch while talking about boring shit and I swear I can practically see her food going down her throat. If I look close enough I can see her digesting it. That is not right.

Lily ends the video by saying she's going to get a colonic and she's a bit scares. Oh, it's nothing. It's the same thing as sticking a water pick up your ass. I mean, somebody told me that. Don't ask me who. I forgot. Shut up.

Below are some pictures of Lily buying dishes in London yesterday. I know. You're really going to need to take some heart medication after reading this shit Too much fucking excitement for one post.

Wonky McValtrex was reportedly "devastated" after finding out two of her pooches were murdered by coyotes last night. A source told X17.com (via NYDN) that Wonky has been crying all day long.

They really want me to believe that this nasty skeezer actually shed a tear? Can tears even come out of her wonk eye? Please. When Wonky was told that her dogs went to heaven, she probably shrugged it off, removed the crab that was feeding off one of her herp warts, got into her fugly car, drove to the pet store and bought two replacements! Or maybe she didn't notice at all. There's at least 17 dogs living in that bitch's house. Herself not included.

The poor pooches were probably trying to get away from her skanky ass.

In "Burning After Reading," George Clooney plays a sex addict who carries around the "The Liberator Ramp" and a vibrator called "The Silky." Page Six reports that the sales of both sex toys are on the up thanks to George and the movie. Some retail person said: "Small mentions of adult products in mainstream media can have an outsized effect on sales."

That ramp shit is obviously for dude-on-chick sex, but I'm still curious about it. Is it like training wheels? The website says "it strategically lifts your lover's hips to an altitude of 12 inches, offering access at critical angles that accentuate sensitivity."

It's priced at $112. I'm all for using shit to make your fuckey times experience more enjoyable, but couldn't you just use sofa cushions? And that shit better be machine washable. Genital juices start to really reek after a couple of days. Especially chunky ass jelly.

Speaking of asses, the ramp also allows sluts to do it doggy style for longer. I'm guessing it helps keep the dick from falling out. Because when the dick slips out, it really affects the mood in the room. Which reminds me. In straight porn, when the dick falls out, the dude usually slaps the chick's chocha with his peen a few times. What is the point of that? Is he preparing it for re-entry?

Triathlon champion and injured foot faker JLo tells People that she spends every free moment with her beloved Dragon Tales Twins. JLo said that she recently hired a nanny, so that she can have a little time to herself. HA!

She said: "I did it for a long time but we started using a nanny a few weeks ago. Most days I get up early with them. Then when the nanny comes, I can take a shower and give them their breakfast. She's there to help me get things done." JLo only leaves them to go to work. "I try to spend every free moment with the babies."

It must be wonderful to be JLo. You lay around on your rabbit comforter, taking in the sweet scent from $100 candles while telling a bunch of bullshit lies as though it was the truth.

JLo went on to talk about the magical mornings she spends with her newborns: "When they see you and have that big smile on their face – I live for that. And when I put them to bed at night and they melt in your arms. I give them a bottle and wind it down. I say, 'It's time for beddy-bye.' I hold them and sing a little song. By the time you know it, they are asleep."

This quote came right out of a Disney movie, right? In her mind, JLo is fucking Donna Reed. She probably has a writer on staff who feeds her all of these nauseating quotes.

Below is JLo shopping in St. Tropez yesterday. Before you say anything, shopping is not considered "free time" to JLo! It's part of the job description of a self-centered, delusional, Hollywood hobag!

It was makeover night on "America's Next Top Not-Model" yesterday and the highlight of the episode had nothing to do with the chick's reactions to their new shitty hair. It was all about Ty Ty, once again. The woman's community-theater-worthy acting skills are flawless. Can we change the name of ANTM to "The Tyra Banks" show already? Wait. She already has that.

Ty Ty used the makeover episode to fulfill one of her 12-year-old fantasies of playing Snow White AND a fairy godmother. Seeing Ty Ty's gold fairy godmother with shiny sperm-eyes was like watching The Wiz on a bad acid trip. I sat there and surrendered to her insanity. I'm convinced she based her fairy voice on one of the dozens of voices in her head.

This shit was so over-the-top campy that even John Waters thinks Ty Ty should pull it back a bit. There's really no fucking point to her madness and that what makes this boring shit entertaining.

The only makeover that was slightly interesting was Elina's. Ty Ty must hate the bitch, because they screwed her up. She went from looking like a bi-sexual with an unhealthy Shakespeare's Sister obsession to looking like Carrot Top's crotch. The ginge pube mop is not the look.

Below is the first part of the makeover with Ty Ty's Snow White skit. It starts at the 2:00 mark. You know Mr. Jay was pissed he had to play the prince. He soooo wanted to be Snow White. Duh. Look at his hair.

Also, here's the pics of my favorites. Isis needs to work on her tuck. I think I saw a little nut last night. Click here to see all the pics if you give an eff.

Mischa Barton's titty is trying to escape from that fugly ass dress - Egotastic!

Tommy Girl carrying around Suri like she's a doll. Oh, wait... - Just Jared

Kim Kardashian takes her big ass to the cleaners - Hollywood Tuna

The chick's face behind Daisy Lowe says it all - IDLYITW

Squinty Zellweger in a hot 80s funeral dress - Lainey Gossip

Agyness Deyn is trying too hard - Hollywood Rag

Heidi and Spencer need to leave the children out of it - Popsugar

Kate Hudson is drunk and annoying (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

The hottest Muppets - Cityrag

Hugh Dancy's got milk - Towleroad

HoHan seems to be putting out a line of shit that's near and dear to her heart. She has started a new brand-development firm called "Stay Gold." More like Stay Gross.

HoHan already put a collection of $200 blow job leggings and now she's working on a cheaper line for hookers on a budget. Her new line of bargain leggings will average around $48. Shit. That's still too expensive. She needs to design for her demographic: dirty skanks. If I was her, I would put out a collection of disposable leggings. That way if you get a little jizz on them while on the job, you can just throw that shit in the nearest dumpster.

In addition to more leggings, she's also going to sell a self-tanner. Why the hell would buy tan grease from a bitch who looks like she stains herself with Alli poo. Click here if you don't know what I'm talking about. If I wanted to look like that shit, I'd just cover myself with pizza grease. It's cheaper and smells delicious.

Christie Klassette of Belmont, NC was in her kitchen when she heard her pussy screaming from the bathroom. Christie immediately ran over and found her cat Charlie stuck in the toilet.

Christie said: "He was splashing water everywhere. I thought he was just sitting there but when I went to pick him up he wouldn't move." Charlie's little pussy legs were stuck in the drain. She called 911 and within 5 minutes firefighters showed up at her door.

They used hammers to break the toilet. It was either break the toilet or break the pussy's legs. They made the right choice. A pussy with broken legs is not cute or nice.

Christie isn't sure how Charlie got stuck in the toilet. She thinks either her 3-year-old son tried to flush him down the toilet or maybe he fell in while trying to drink some water. It was the 3-year-old. Look at how he's throwing around that stuffed Elmo!

Or maybe Charlie was trying to fucking escape! Looking at a woman with no eyebrows all day long starts to make you crazy after a while. Seriously, give that ho a Sharpie!

Charlie is also up for adoption. Christie saved him from the streets a little while ago and never planned on keeping him. So if you're in the market for an adorable toilet pussy, Charlie is your cat.