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It's been 2-months since we've seen any new pictures of Rojo Caliente. A bright light in my life has been dark for nearly 2 fucking months! The other day, I was in Duane Reade and I kept staring at a "fun size" box of Hot Tamales. I wanted to run away with the box to Home Depot, where it would teach me how to use a power tool or some shit. A box of Hot Tamales isn't the same as Rojo Caliente, but I'm fucking desperate! Thankfully, a beloved reader named Erin fed my craving with this Rojo sighting:

I saw Rojo Caliente walking hand in hand with her less well known other today. Yeah, its NYC, so no biggie. However, I live in Inwood, all the way in upstate Manhattan, and there they were, walking on Park Terrace West at Isham St., where I live! The funny thing is that all I could think of was, “there is Cynthia Nixon and Rojo Caliente. “ I can’t even remember Rojo’s other name! At any rate, I’m guessing they might be looking to buy a place up here, because it’s very trendy and very lovely. The only other possibility is that there was some kind of event up here in one of the parks.

Don't ask me how Erin didn't suffer third degree burns from being that close to Rojo! She didn't get any pictures, but I'll take what I can get! And if they're moving to Inwood, then Park Terrace West here I fucking come!

You know, I should run down to the police station right now. I'm sure Rojo is just pulling up to file a restraining order against me. I can't help it! I'm addicted to fire and I want to get burned!

Even Cameron Diaz can't believe she's had her pizza face on the same dude's sausage for this long! You can tell by the look in her eyes. I think she's picturing someone new just to get her through the day. It's skill #235 in the hardcore slut's handbook on how to try and be monogamous. Although, I guess if you have to be stuck with a stale sausage, you'd want to be stuck with Paul Sculfor's.

Here's Pizza Face and her stale sausage being gross in NYC today.

It's that time again! Please take time out from Photoshopping Sarah Palin's head onto the bodies of various bikini-clad ladies (or dudes) to vote for August's Hot Slut of the Month! You have four hot sluts to choose from! We've got everything from a pussy superstar to a nasty gymnast ! Here are your choices:

Louise Robey - 80s TV actress and star one of the most amazing music videos ever
Nastia Liukin - Ice cold Olympic gold-medalist
Spaghetti Cat - Needs no introduction
Chad Rogers - Real estate agent, reality star and douche-robot with serious hair

Voting is in the right sidebar. The winning hot slut will be announced on Thursday. Happy voting!

HoHan's been on a real blogging kick lately. Yesterday, she blogged about Dixie Cups. She wrote: "samantha and i are looking for DIXIE CUPS... does anyone remember them??? They were given in school as a desert. They are half vanilla/half chocolate.. I have to have them before she gets back-so anyone that can help me find them-please please please, post it for me to see!!!!"

Dixie cups?! This is some kinky gayelle sex thing I don't know about - right? I don't even want to know what they do with the wooden spoon.

Today, HoHan got political and blogged about the Sarah Palin baby drama. She wrote:

I've been watching the news all morning, like everyone else - and i keep hearing about the issues related to 'teen pregnancy'- It's all related to Sarah Palin and her 17 year old unmarried pregnant daughter. Well, I think the real problem comes from the fact that we are taking the focus off of getting to know Sarah Palin and her political views, and what she can do to make our country a less destructive place. Its distracting from the real issues, the real everyday problems that this country experiences.

I am concerned with the fact that Sarah Palin brought the attention to her daughter's pregnancy, rather than all world issues and what she believes she could possibly do to change them-if elected. I get Sarah Palin's views against abortion, but i would much prefer to hear more about what she can do for our country rather than how her daughter is going to have a child no matter what.

Maybe focus on delivering some words and policy with stronger impact like Joe Biden.

Oh no. HoHan is making sense. What does it all mean? I guess it means that the lezzie juice really is doing her body (and brain) some good. No wonder I can barely put a complete sentence together. I don't have enough lezzie juice in my system. Shudder.

And by "real issues" I think she means the feud with her father.

Now that HoHan has this blogging thing down, can she please teach White Oprah how to do it? I am lost without her caca-ridden statements. Only White Oprah can deliver statements that make you want to pull out your pubic hair in frustration. Where is she?!!!!!!

Here's a few pictures of HoHan with her part-time gay walking the streets of NYC. Part-Time Gay is really into smelling his wrist. I bet it smells like Mr. Limpy paperweights, crusty ass jelly, Parliaments and Avon Skin So Soft.

It's a new week, which means 100 new baby announcements. Today comes the news of 3 new babies who will join the ever-growing army of infants that will soon take over the world. First up is Tiger Woods and his hot trophy wife.

Tiger (rarr) confirmed on his website that Elin Nordegren is knocked up with their second child. He writes, "I have some wonderful news to report. Sam is going to be a big sister. Elin is feeling great and we are both thrilled. While my injury has disappointing and frustrating, it has allowed me to spend a lot of time watching Sam grow. I can't begin to tell you how rewarding it is being a dad and spending time with her and Elin. The injury has been a blessing and a disappointment." I guess Tiger effed up his knee or some shit.

Congrats to Elin! One more child means more child support! Elin is no Camille Grammer, but she's getting there. She's a gold digger to watch.

Next up is the walking leather bag known as Lizzie Grubman. She's the pr bitch who ran over a bunch of poor hos outside of a club a few years ago. Well, Page Six reports that she's having twins! Lizzie and her husband already have 1 kid. Twins! Yeah, because one child just isn't enough anymore. Lizzie is going to pop out a bottle peroxide and a mini-tanning bed. Seriously.

That's all the baby announcements I have for you now. I'm sure there will be a dozen more tomorrow. In related news, I'm not knocked up yet. I'm working on it. When the baby army finally takes over the world, I'd like to have a member of my family a part of it. You know, to continue my trashy family's legacy.

Leighton Meester is one of the main reasons why I watch "Gossip Girl." What's not to love about Blair Waldorf-Salad? She enjoys wearing present decorations on her head and she's an expert at the whine and roll. Meaning, she knows how to whine and roll her eyes at the same time. It's an art form. Well, there's another reason to love Leighton! She did hard time in prison! Well, sort of....

According to Star Magazine, Leighton's mommy was in prison for her part in a drug-running scandal. After she was born, Leighton and her mommy stayed in a halfway house for 3 months. Her mommy returned to prison after that. Leighton was raised by a family member until her mom got out. Her daddy, grandfather and auntie also did hard time for drug dealing. It's a good thing Leighton didn't stay in the family business.

Seriously, there's two ways to impress me. Tell me you have a 12-inch dick that can stay hard for hours (they always go soft) or tell me you were born in prison. Okay, I'm lying. There's millions of ways to impress me. I have the expectations of a Spears. But that's not the point! The point is that I love Leighton even more after finding out she's a prison baby. Bitches who have been through some tough shit are my kind of people.

I'd rather have been born in prison than conceived in the back of a Datsun. I'm joking! I wasn't made in the back of a Datsun. It was a Pinto.

Sienna Miller was out with that piece of trash Balthazar Getty in London last night and she looked so upset. I recognize that face. It's the same face I make when I feel like my no-no hole is going to explode for whatever reason. And there's many reasons why it could. Trust.

You want to cry dry tears, but you're afraid that even the slightest movement will make you blow like a volcano, so you stand very still. Somebody tell Sienna that she just needs to sing it a Carpenters' song and pet it to sleep. I would tell her myself, but I'm still mad at that skank. When is she going to wake up and smell the hot jizz? She's had her fill with Balthazar and now it's time to move on to bigger and better dicks. And you can't convince me that Balthazar has a big one. He looks like he has short burrito dick with extra guacamole.

Adrian Grenier is delusional, but he does have pretty hair....and good posture - IDLYITW

Kanye West has a shrine to this big-tittied trick - Hollywood Tuna

Gis Bundchen is always topless. Who does she think she is? Kate Moss? - Egotastic!

Kiki and the Mac Dude are still making dirty love together - Popsugar

A story about Rhys Ifans' caca-stained panties. Bring a barf bag - Hollywood Rag

Jack Black's son is not having it - Just Jared

"Gossip Girl" lives! - Lainey Gossip

Carolina D'Whore in staged bikini pics (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Sarah Palin's amazing mullet - Cityrag

Plastic on plastic! Amanda Lepore for Bluetooth - Towleroad

Actually, there are three four miracles in these pictures. First, Tranny Clown isn't wearing red lipstick. Her lips look so nekkid and vulnerable without it. Second, Baby Max isn't covered in fake tanning juice and spider leg lashes. Whenever I picture him, I always imagine his face just covered with Xtina's face paint. Third, Baby Max is wearing a Batman t-shirt. His daddy must be weepy. He wants to be the main bat in Max's life. Fourth, Bat Boy is actually venturing out into the day. I always thought he was strictly a creature of the night who spent his days hanging upside down and cleaning off his fangs. I was wrong.

Here's more of Tranny Bee, her baby and Bat Boy invading NYC yesterday.

Pamela Anderson and Jacko are dating. You're probably not ready the rest of this, because you just sprayed your Diet Rite all over the monitor. For those of you that are still with me, let's go on.

Yes, the Daily Mirror claims Pammy and Jacko have always been big fans of each other. So they got their people to set something up. The date took place at the Ice Bar in Hell. No, it took place at Shutters in Santa Monica. The source said they had a few drinks at the bar together. They serve Jesus Juice at Shutters?

A witness who obviously didn't take their medication that morning said Pam and Jacko talked about their love of plastic surgery. Ha. The witness went on to say, "They were very chatty. Pamela was being her usual flirty self and Michael seemed to be responding. They are such a strange couple but they seemed to really hit it off."

Jacko and Pammy even went out a second time. Another source said they had coffee in Malibu where they talked about their kids.

Methinks these "sources" need to ask their doctor to change the dose on their medication. If Pammy and Jacko went on a date, we would know for sure, because the world would end. The day they touch lips is the day we all disappear in a cloud of smoke.

I mean, maybe these "sources" saw Cher and Alexis Arquette on a date? Now that's a believable couple!