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Even Gayken's turkey baster baby is saying, "DUH!" Gayken officially came screaming out of the closet on the cover of People Magazine. Do you hear that? It's the sound of thousands of middle-aged conservative Claymates tearing down their Gayken shrines. Hahaha! We told you, dumb bitches!

VIA Huffington Post

The Empress of Lucite should change her name to the Saint of Lucite. She has devoted her life to helping others less fortune than her. Take last night for example. The always pristine and elegant Shauna Sand was out with some ho who goes by the name of Taylor Wayne. Taylor is a performer in adult films. And by "performer" I mean she gets paid to put dicks in her pussy and asshole.

I know you're wondering why a sophisticated creature like our Empress would fraternize with a common gutter slut. The thing is, Shauna is not like you and me. She doesn't judge others and she has a selfless heart. She has taken Taylor under her wing and showing her the way of the lucite. As you can see, Taylor isn't wearing full exquisite lucite heels. She's not ready for their power yet. She's taking baby lucite steps.

Shauna Sand is changing the world one exquisite lucite heel at a time.

Dita Von Teese launched her new line of brassieres(I bet she totally calls them that) and other lingerie items for Wonderbra in London today. That was nice of Aretha Franklin to lend Dita one of her old bras for her to sit on during the presentation.

Every time I see a picture of Dita, I get an intense craving for candy. The woman looks like she's made purely out of sugar. Her skin is like fluff, her hair and eyebrows are made of black licorice and her lips are covered in candy apple coating. Delicious. Now I really want something sugary. I don't have anything sweet in the house. I know. That should be illegal. I'll have to settle for a cup of sugar water. Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do.

And I'd eat a whole bag of frozen peas just to see a makeupless Dita in some Juicy sweats and an oversized sweatshirt with her hair in a banana clip. That's probably how she hangs out at home. I mean, looking like that takes so much fucking work.

Here's more pictures of Dita at her titty holder launch today. You know there's a problem when your itty-bitty waist makes a skinny model look like a fat fuck. I can hear her ribs crying out in pain.

Rumors have been going around that Hugh Hefner's three slutty bunnies are ready to bust out of the mansion. Holly is reportedly fucking Criss Angel. Barf. Kendra is reportedly engaged to football player Hank Baskett. Okay. And Bridget....well....who cares about that one! Hugh addressed all the rumors with E!'s Marc Malkin.

Hef said that he's still with all three girls and Holly is not dating Criss Angel. He said, "Holly shares my bed on a nightly basis."

He did admit that the relationship he has with the girls is "in transition." "Are there going to be changes in the relationships, I'm sure there are going to be. I think that in the future, the girls are going to, in time, be dating others and moving out of the mansion, and when that happens we will not be keeping it a secret." Translation: Hef's shopping around for younger models.

I believe that Kendra and Bridget are solely there for the show and nothing more. Holly is another story. In her Stepford mind, she believes that Hef is going to marry her and give her many babies with old man faces.

Think of all the times Holly woke up with piss on her leg and Hef's drool on her weave. Or all the hours she spent sucking on his drowsy turtle head. What does she have to show for it?! She needs to pack up her bag of stupid costumes and find a new sugar daddy. She gets a FAIL in the art of gold digging. Put her in the back of the bus with Sarah Larson!

I've been holding off in choosing last week's Hot Slut of the Week, because I'm torn between 5 skanks. Instead of straining my 2 brain cells, I've decided to leave it up to you whores. You can vote in the sidebar to the right. The winning slut will be announced tomorrow! Here's your choices:

Carole Jackson - Author of "Color Me Beautiful"
The abandoned couch in North Hollywood, CA who saved a car
Hayley Ray from "Doctor 90210"
James Dyson - Smart inventor person
Nancy the Mom from "Project Runway"
Rachel Maddow - Gayelle TV and radio host
Digby from "Pushing Daisies"

Happy voting!

This house needs a visit from Molly Maids....or Hazmat - Houston Imports

Shannon Elizabeth squeegees her own car. She's just like us! - Hollywood Tuna

Megan Fox's dress is wet (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Diora Baird is doing this wrong - IDLYITW

She's also playing the Orion Slave Girl in the new "Star Trek" movie - Egotastic!

Delusional Kristin Davis won't get out of bed for less than $100k - Lainey Gossip

Will Young is the worst gay person ever. I thought I had already that title. - Towleroad

JLo and Skeletor terrorize Greece - Popsugar

Little Jenny from "Gossip Girl" is looking rough - Just Jared

Globetrotter Dog Vs. Stealth Kitty - Cityrag

This is what happens when Mimi acts as her own manager - Hollywood Rag

When Meg Ryan's marriage to Dennis Quaid ended in 2000, everyone figured it had to do with her fucking Russell Crowe without permission. Meg confirms to InStyle (via UsWeekly) that she wasn't the only one participating in dishonest fucking. Haven't we heard this before? Oh well, let's hear it again!

Meg was somehow able to open up her lips and say: "Dennis was not faithful to me for a very long time, and that was very painful. I found out more about that after I was divorced."

She went on to say that Russell had nothing to do with her marriage going down the toilet. "“I think he took a big hit. But Russell didn’t break up the marriage. He was definitely there at the end, but it wasn’t his fault. I was a mess. I hurt him too at the end. I couldn’t be in another long relationship, it wasn’t the time for that. So I got out.”

"My time as a scarlet woman was really interesting. As painful as it was, it was also incredible liberating. Now I was utterly free. I didn’t have to care about what people thought."

She's right. I've said it before and I'll say it again, being a moral-free slut is the only way to go. Your genitals will thank you for it.

And Meg, we get it. Dennis' wandering peen caused you great pain. Stop talking about it. Instead, explain to us why your face looks like a rubber glove filled with KY. After you answer that, tell us why the edges of your mouth look like they are being pulled by fish hooks.

A judge in California has ruled that Cruella de Stone will no longer share joint custody of her son Roan with her ex-husband Phil Bronstein. Cruelle has lost joint custody and Phil has been granted sole physical custody.

In October 2004, the court gave Phil and Cruella joint custody of Roan. Cruella recently filed papers asking for changes to the arrangement, but she still wanted to keep joint custody. Entertainment Tonight reports that the court denied her requests because she "failed to meet her burden of proof." Whatever that means.

The judge said that the ruling is permanent unless circumstances change.

Phil and Cruella were married in 1998. They adopted Roan in 2000. They divorced in 2004. Cruella also adopted two other sons, Laird Vonne Stone and Quinn Kelly. Roan, Laird and Quinn? They sound like characters in "The Legend of Zelda."

You better believe that Cruella isn't going to let this go! Nobody screws with her and gets away with hit. She's probably on the phone with the grouchy Komodo dragon that bit off Phil's big toe! She wants that mean old Komodo dragon to strike again!

On second thought, that Komodo dragon was probably made into a purse for Cruella shortly after he chomped off Phil's toe, but she'll get her revenge somehow!

What in The Sims hell is this fuckery?! The Sun has published these two pictures of Brit Brit and claim the label is using them to promote her first single "Womanizer." I am 99.999999% sure this shit was fan made. If I'm wrong, you can force feed me a bowl of wet Cheetos and Kool-Aid crust.

The Sun writes:

Britney's bosses are using these shots to promote her comeback single Womaniser, though they've been more successful at promoting the wonders of computer wizardry.

Dressed in sexy leather dominatrix gear and holding a whip, the singer is pictured leaning over a scantily-clad hunk.

I've seen Cheeto puffs that are thicker than Brit Brit's ankles in these pictures. She looks like a Ty Ty Banks and Claudia Schiffer hybrid. I pray to the Frapp gods that these are real! As the kids say, they bring the LULZ. That was hard to type.

In other Cheeto news, Brit Brit's single was supposed to come out yesterday, but the label has pushed it back a week for more "tweaking." It will be released on September 29th. If you can't wait that long, just listen to the robotic voice on your answer machine that tells you how many messages you have. Brit's single is probably going to sound something like that.

UPDATE: According to Breathe Heavy, this shit is definitely fan made using old Brit Brit photos. Oh well. I might eat a bowl of wet Cheetos and Kool Aid crust anyway.

The CW has picked up "90210" for a full season. Yay. More episodes filled with snoozy plots, not enough Brenda Walsh and broke ass acting skills. Why am I watching this again? Oh, right. I'm watching it because I can't let go of Brenda Walsh. I'm hoping the day finally comes when Brenda takes her revenge on that dumbskankwhore Kelly Taylor. I also watch because I feel Naomi Clark, the resident rich bitch, has potential. But when are the writers going to finally bring out the uber cunt that lives inside her?

She slapped a dude once and she visited her daddy's mistress. Big deal! When is she going to have a coke overdose? When is going to fake a pregnancy to keep her man? When is she going to lace her daddy's condoms with liquid acid, so that his whore's vagina falls off. All she does is make queef faces and whine!

I will say that the scenes she has with her crazy-eyed mother are pretty entertaining. I mean, are they even in the same room when their scenes are filmed? It's like their acting opposite a warped piece of wood. Well, they kind of are. Whenever I watch a horrifically acted scene between Naomi and her buggy-eyed mother, I have to quickly switch to "The Hills" to fill my soul with a little bit of substance. Seriously, they make Heidi and Audrina look like Tallulah Bankhead and Bette Davis!

Source: E! Online