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The Crocs epidemic is worse than I thought. This is hard for me to type, but Iggy Pop is wearing Cr...Cro...CROCS! NOOOOO! I would share a breast milk ice cream cone with Iggy, so that's why this is especially hard for me. I don't care if they feel like you're walking on hundreds of Wonder Bread slices, it's not worth it!!!

If you're laughing at the fact that only one of Iggy's Crocs has a wedge heel, then you're a cold hearted snake (look into his eyes), because one of his legs is longer than the other and he recently injured it in a show. And yes, I laughed at first too, so I'll meet you in the snake den.

Here's Iggy breaking my cold heart by wearing Crocs in Cannes, France. Don't ask me who his lady friend is, but she looks like she just got off of the (NSFW) Bang Bus.

As expected, Kanye West will not face felony charges for getting all bitchy with a pap at LAX. Kanye's assistant friend will also not be charged with a felony even though he busted up thousands of dollars worth of camera equipment. TMZ reports that the City Attorney's office is deciding whether or not they will file misdemeanor charges.

That's fine and everything, but I'm still waiting for one of Kanye's manic blog rants on this subject. I've been doing my eyeball exercises to prepare for all the CAPS and exclamation points I was expecting him to use. He has disappointed me. I'm hoping he's planning something epic to make up for it.

In the meantime, watch this porny video he posted on his blog a few days ago. It might be a little NSFWish, but it does have cartoons in it. If your boss asks you what the fuck you're watching, just tell them there's cartoons in it, which means it's G-rated and okay for office viewing.

Devoted mother and champion athlete JLo and Skeletor arrived to a Dolce & Gabbana party in Milan in a golden fucking carriage pulled by four white horses. They look like the tackiest vampires in Transylvania. Wait. Is there such a thing as a vampire with a big fat ass?

Other guests at the party also arrived by horse and carriage, but you know JLo made sure she picked out her carriage first. Those poor horses probably got the runs when they saw JLo and her life-support-needing husband.

I like JLo's veil, but you know what would have made it even better? If it was a few inches longer and made out of a paper bag.

Here's more of JLo wearing one of Liberace's old nightgowns last night. Matthew McConaughey was also at the party. It looks like he's been taking beauty tips from Zac Efron and Xtina.

Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon didn't exactly become best girlfriends after shooting "Four Christmas" together. Would you expect them to? Reese is a frigid prude who never curses and Vince Vaughn is a big ball of grossness who probably farts in his hand and smells it on a regular basis.

Reese and Vince will reunite for the movie's promo tour and she's not looking forward to it. A friend of Reese's told OK! that she thinks Vince is the "biggest child she's ever met." That means a lot coming from her, because I'm sure Jakey Poo has his own all-pink playroom in her house where he stores all his Barbies and My Little Ponies.

The friend went on to say: “Promoting a movie involves long hours, and she’ll have to spend a lot of time with someone who gets under her skin. Reese is professional — she’ll grit her teeth, fake a smile and pose for pictures — but she’s not looking forward to it.”

Riddle me this, doesn't Reese always grit her teeth, fake a smile and pose for pictures? The friend forgot to say that she'll clench her vagina too. Bitch is so uptight! It probably takes her a few hours to shit, because she just can't release her ass lips. Reese just needs to smoke a bowl and relax! When Vince does something nasty like rub his boogers on her forehead, she should laugh it off and wet queef in his drink.

DJ AM has been released from Doctors Hospital in Georgia, a week after surviving a plane crash in South Carolina. His rep said that he's currently on his way back to Los Angeles. The rep also said: "While he is deeply saddened by the events he is thankful for all of the love and support he has been receiving from fans and friends world wide. We ask that you continue respect his privacy as he rests and heals and mourns the loss of his friends."

Travis Barker is still in the hospital in Georgia where he's being treated for burns to his torso and lower body. Jermaine Dupri recently visited Travis and told People: "He's supposed to send a message out to everybody in a couple of days to let everybody know that he's feeling better. He's definitely feeling the love from everyone." Jermaine said Travis should be out of the hospital in about two weeks.

Reality show whore extraordinaire Megan Hauserman gets nekkid for Playboy. Thankfully, Lily is not in these pictures - Egotastic!

Someone asked Ashley Jizzdale to eat their salad. It's not what you think - Just Jared

Drew Barrymore wants Bill Clinton (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Blake Lively trying to be sexy in a swimsuit and failing - Hollywood Tuna

Shenae Grimes eats! - Popsugar

Katy Perry being annoying and gross in London - Hollywood Rag

HoHan and SamRo need lesbian fashion counseling - Cityrag

The year's best magazine covers - Towleroad

Are Leo and Bar back together? - IDLYITW

Vanessa Hudgens is delusional - Lainey Gossip

During Agatha Ruiz de la Prada's fashion show in Milan, Sacha Baron Cohen as Bruno hijacked the catwalk wearing something out of Solange's basement wardrobe trunk. Bruno walked the runway like he was part of the show. It didn't take long for security to take him down while one ho shouted "Sacha!" Bruno was led away by a couple of officers with tiny moustaches.

Sacha is in Milan to film "Bruno: Delicious Journeys Through America for the Purpose of Making Heterosexual Male."

I love this bitch's tomfoolery. I just hope he plays one on Anna Wintour and leaves her bob in a fucking twist.

Below is the video. I love that the chick model doesn't even blink an eye. That is one professional 15-year-old.

VIA Huffington Post

Last night was DanRad's opening night for Equus on Broadway. Click here to read my review on the unsung star of the show, Harry's peen!

In my review, I forgot to mention something very important. Harry's peen was missing from the curtain call. To quote Steph Tanner, "How rude!" The curtain call would have been the perfect time to shine the spotlight on his wang's happy head and its smiling lips! But no! The producers had to be fun-killers and hide it away like they did during the rest of the show. When is Harry's peen going to get the full attention it deserves?! I hope Ty Ty casts it in the next season of "America's Next Top Model." It really needs a spread in Seventeen Magazine.

Below are some pictures of Harry's hairy face and body bowing for his audience last night. And notice Richard Griffiths' dazzling belly! I'm still having dreams of it. I also threw in some pictures of Harry and Richard looking like old-fashioned piano players at the after-party.

Married with children and a high-flying Hollywood career, this A-lister was known at his New York performing school as “Two Tricks”, and was famous for once giving blow jobs to eight men consecutively in a closet. (BlindGossip)

Cock-Hungry Travolta?!

Whose ex is trying to wheedle his way back into her life? She was the good girl and he was the bad boy, and then she fell apart and they fell apart. Now that she’s sober and moving forward, he’s looking to improve his lot in life by cozying up to her again. Hope she’s smarter this time around. (BlindGossip)

Our Lady of Cheetos and KFed?

Which star famous for her shapely rear has a phobia of bottoms - even though hers has made her famous? We hear the babe is even considering a butt reduction... (3am Girls)

JLoL (typo, but it stays)?

VIA Gawker

I never thought I would say that, but I do prefer Xtina's signature red lip grease than the hot pink diarrhea she's been wearing lately. Jem called and she wants her fucking lip color back.

You know, I don't mind the hair so much. She looks like a drag queen doing a low-rent impersonation of Lady GaGa, but it doesn't bother me as much as her fucking make-up. She needs an intervention! When you're getting your face painted at Maaco, it's to admit that you have a problem.

Here's more of Xtina looking like she pees standing up at a Rock the Vote event in Los Angeles last night.