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The international holiday known as Phoebe Price's birthday was yesterday and the chicken cutlet of the hour started the festivities at the little known and hidden eating establishment The Ivy on Robertson Blvd. You know how PP is. She doesn't like to make a big show of things. She's shy. But she did graciously share her birthday with the other diners by passing out modest one-of-a-kind cupcakes from Albertson's with her coy image on it. Oh, what would I give for one of those limited-edition cupcakes with my favorite international supermodel on it! I would shellac it and keep it on my bedside table. That way the first thing I see in the morning when I open up my crusty eyeballs (don't judge) is two of my favorite things together as one: processed sugar and Chicken Cutlets!

After PP's intimate birthday lunch, the celebration continued at a Holiday Inn conference room. I'm joking! Her party was at some very exclusive restaurant in Santa Monica. It's so exclusive that I'm not allowed to know the name.

Here's a few pictures from PP's low-key party. Wait. Maybe she got her cupcakes at the Post Office? Since when do they have a bakery? It must be for V.I.P.s only. And that custom made cake is one of the most beautiful things I've seen this hour in my life.

Amanda Woodward aka Sammy Jo aka Officer Stacy aka Heather Locklear was arrested last night in Santa Barbara County reports TMZ. Heather was pulled over by the CHP and arrested on suspicion of driving while fucked up. Officials say that booze was not involved, but they tested her and are awaiting the results to see what Heather was on. Can you say D-O-L-L-S?

The cops released her this morning on her own recognizance. Heather didn't have to post bail.

It was just two months ago that Heather checked out of a rehab facility in Arizona, where she was receiving treatment for anxiety and depression.

Also, Richie Sambora was busted for DUI last March with Heather's daughter in the car. Their matching mug shots will look lovely together in the family album.

Speaking of mug shots, you know Heather worked that shit like it was a photo shoot. At least I hope so. I also hope that the cops figure out this was all just a set-up. Obviously, that jealous bitch Allison Parker is at it again! She probably drugged Amanda. I never trusted Allison's "apple pie" act. Amanda will be vindicated! And then she'll probably check herself into rehab again...

UPDATE: Aaaaaand we've got a mug shot! DAMN! What in Kimberly Shaw hell happened to Amanda Woodward? Pill popping (or whatever she's on) is a bitch! It brings out the crazy eyes in poor Amanda. The cops should have at least let her go and fix up her face in the toilet area. She's fucking Amanda Woodward? Do you think this will be her next L'Oreal Paris ad?

In case you missed it, on Thursday's season premiere of "Survivor Gabon," the censors missed a floppy peen poking out of Marcus' boxer shorts. I watched this shit on Thursday night and I missed it! I need to take my dick radar to the fucking shop. It must be busted.

Marcus' sneaky wang just wanted some "air" time. Personally, I think Marcus' magic stick should become the newest member of the tribe. Give that dick its own buff and flaming torch. Oh wait. It has already has its own flaming torch named Charlie. You see, Charlie is the gay lawyer from NYC who basically wants to run free in the fields with Marcus' skin flute. Shit, he wants to play Marcus' skin flute like he's Ian Anderson from Jethro Tull. No reed required.

Marcus is straight, but obviously loves a homo slobbering all over his hotness. I have a feeling this isn't going to end well. Charlie gives me Glenn Close in "Fatal Attraction" vibes. He's going to boil Marcus' bunny. They don't have bunnies out there, do they? Okay. He's going to boil Marcus' elephant dung.

After the jump are some NSFWish shots of Marcus' peen hard at work. I bet that's what Brooke Hogan's crotch looks like when she doesn't tuck properly. JUMP!!!

Tina Fey once again put on a pair of rimless glasses to play the hockey mom from Alaska Sarah Palin on last night's SNL. This time, Amy Poehler played the blink-happy and glossy-lipped Katie Couric. I didn't realize how blinky Katie was during the Palin interview until Amy pointed it out last night. Seriously. Katie needs to bathe her eyeballs in Visine. And when is Amy going to play Cindy McCain already?! She can hide her baby bump with a medicine cabinet. I'm waaaitttting...

Above is the always amazing Tina Fey once again stealing the show. Although, that's not hard to do. The rest of SNL was....well.....I already blacked it out.

Oh and Bono IS the King of Ireland!

These two bitches didn't waste any time. Ryan Reynolds, 31, and ScarJo, 23, got married in some remote wilderness resort (WTF) outside of Vancouver last night. Remote wilderness resort?! Did the bitch wear berries in her hair and the bunny rabbits were her bridesmaids? Actually, I like that. I want a remote wilderness resort wedding.

Anyshotgunwedding, ScarJo's rep confirmed the wedding to UsWeekly. In addition to several dozen woodland creatures, guests included her mommy and brother.

The two became engaged last May after dating for about a year.

I bet that Ryan couldn't stop staring at ScarJo's magnificent chichis during the ceremony. He probably even said, "I Ryan, take you ScarJo's chichis to be...." Can you blame him? And ScarJo said, "I ScarJo, take you Ryan's six pack..."

What's with the rush wedding? She's knocked up, right? I'm getting excited just thinking about how big those titty balls are going to get if she's with child. She's going to knock out Salma Hayek's record!

And I just want to let ScarJo know that Ryan is thinking of Alanis Morissette when he fucks her. Okay, not really, but I thought I would throw Alanis a sugar cube or something.

P.S. - I give these whores 6-months tops. Sorry, but Ryan will never be ScarJo's true love...Obama.

Image: Fame

Lily!!! - Megan's mentally challenged chihuahua from "I Love Money"

Image: Vh1 Blog

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