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Some bitches ask for stupid shit like smelly candles and caviar on their riders, but not the Crackie of Camden. She's a simple girl. She just asks for 48 bottles of Jack Daniel's. That's all.

Amy Wino is "supposed" to perform at the Bestival Festival this weekend and organizers are worried that she's not going to show. A source told The Sun: "It’s common for artists to make requests for food and beverages before they arrive. But organisers have heard Miss Winehouse has ordered in an extremely large amount of Jack Daniel’s, in fact, a ridiculous amount that she and her team could not possibly consume during their short stay. With Amy’s record this can mean failure to perform or giving a shambolic performance. Whiskey is better than heroin — but not 48 bottles of the stuff.”

Why are they being such squares?! Jack is the only thing that quenches her thirst. I mean, it's the only liquid that can lubricate her beautiful crackie angel voice. Do they want her to dehydrate?! Water just doesn't, for lack of a better phrase, get you "shit-faced-drunk" the same way Jack does!

And I laugh in the face of the bitch who said Wino can't "possibly consume" that much Jack during her stay. She eats 48 bottles of Jack for breakfast!

Thanks Ursa

Akon's is never going to learn his lesson! In 2007, his dumb ass got in trouble for getting a little too hot with a preacher's 15-year-old daughter during one of his shows. Last June, the stupid fuck threw one of his fans off stage during a concert in New York. He's facing criminal charges for that shit.

This past weekend in South America, Akon struck again. "Struck" being the key word. During his show, he decided to crowd surf to a camera stand in the middle of the audience. When he got there, one of his fans started grabbing at him. Akon must have not liked that shit, because he smacked her in the face and she went down. Smack that. Literally.

You have to be on a suicide mission to go to an Akon concert. You couldn't pay me. Okay, yes you could, but you would also have to provide me with a full suit of armor, a 4 leaf clover and The A-Team.

Source VIA ONTD

David Duchovny's sex addiction might involve more than just massive amounts of skin polishing in front of his computer. Earlier this week, one of David's friends said he was in rehab to treat his addiction to online porn and that he never cheated on Tea Leoni. Well, some other bitches say differently.

One bitch told The National Enquirer (via NYDN) that David's penis did wander away from Tea and she found out about it. Tea made David choose between getting treatment or ending their marriage. David finally put his cock back in his pants and shuffled off to rehab in Wickenburg, Arizona.

Another ho told UsWeekly that David has a long history of boinking vagina he's not married to. David has a hard time turning down skanks who throw themselves at him. He even started hooking up with extras on the set of "Californication."

It doesn't really matter if David's problem is too much porny or too much pussay. It only matters that he's getting help for it. And on an unrelated note, does anyone know how I can become an extra on "Californication"? I could use the extra peen money.

Carrie Underwears is still talking caca about Jessica Simpson. That's what OK! Magazine claims anyway. The two blonde nitwits have been going at it for a while now. Naturally, it's because of a big douche named Tony Romo. Carrie's latest insult involves Jessica's fat ass. Carrie said that, not me.

A source said: “She finds Jessica’s love of putting her life on display pretty desperate. She laughed at the People cover, because it’s the same one Jess did about John Mayer — same smile, same look, except she’s a little fatter.”

Did she say this before fourth period in the home rec room while scribbling on her Pee Chee folder? This is junior high school bullshit all the way. It's time for Carrie and Jessica to meet behind the gym after lunch and settle this once and for all. But that will never happen.

These bitches are all talk. If they ever ran into each other, it would probably be like a fake bomb exploded in the room. Carrie would tell Jessica that she looks soooo skinny. Jessica would tell Carrie that her hair is so natural looking. You know how those fake asses do it. They would say all of this while the word "cunt" sleeps under their tongue. Dumb skanks!

Beyonce and somebody else's waist grace the cover of October's Marie Claire UK and she tells the magazine that she's over being a pop star. Raise your hand if you're over her being a pop star too? Solange! Put your hand down. The basement ghosts will get you for that.

Beyonce said: "There is a time limit on being a pop star, yes. Being a legend, an icon? Absolutely not. I’m over being a pop star. I don’t wanna be a hot girl. I wanna be iconic. And I feel like I’ve accomplished a lot. I feel like I’m highly respected, which is more important than any award or any amount of records. And I feel like there comes a point when being a pop star is not enough."

She is not right for saying that. Beyonce has millions of dollars, sold gazillions of records, starred in movies and her family probably falls at her feet when she walks through the door. And that's still not enough?! Meanwhile, poor Solange still has to sit at the kid's table during Thanksgiving dinner.

Ty Ty's insanity was back in full force on the season premiere of "America's Next Top NOT-Model" last night. She really gets crazier and crazier each season. Next season will have to take place in a mental hospital.

The episode started on what looked like the used set of a cheap Sci-Fi porn movie. This is what happens when Ty Ty spends her Saturday mornings watching old cartoons. It was some "The Jetsons gone drag" shit! And I really hope Miss Jay gave that wig back to the "Village of the Damned" kid he stole it from.

Ty Ty's grand entrance was anything but. She came out of a silver-painted fridge box as "Tyrabot" and played the part of a "robot" for way too long. Suri Cruise rated Ty Ty's performance an F! When Ty Ty was finished with her fuckery, she dragged her two wet nellies to the judges table where we met the never-gonna-be models. I'm just going to talk about my favorite bitches so far.

Annaleigh - This crazy bitch confessed that she was sold to a Saudi prince! She smiled and laughed while telling the story. That bitch should hide under Ty Ty's wig instead of standing there laughing. They are seriously coming for her ass!

Clark - This dumbass is one of my favorites, because I hate her so much. HATE HER. I like feeling extreme rage inside. She makes me want to punch a jelly donut and then rub its sugary guts all over her smug face!

Elina - She's the vegan bi-sexual who will no doubt be forced to pose with fur and dead animals. You know it's coming. I love her, because she scares me. She probably spends her nights eating her own hair while listening to The Cure. I don't think I'm ready to see her make out with Clark. I hope she bites Clark's teeth out.

Isis - Yes, she's the tranny! Of course, bitches started hating on her ass as soon as they found out. But she rose from the tranny ashes and delivered one of the best pictures (which isn't saying much). She's also coming across as the most normal ho in the house.

Joslyn - She's southern. That's all I need to say.

Marjorie - It's Juno! Juno without the baby in her belly. Marjorie is probably the most "modely" girl in the house. Expect her to go far and "find her inner confidence." I just hope they don't eff up her hair!

McKey - This chick fit right in with the sci-fi theme. I was expecting her to zap Ty Ty with her eyes. She's straight out of X-Men. And she's a female boxer. A really weird female boxer. I'm waiting to find out that her "boyfriend" has been living in her basement against his will for the last couple of years.

Sheena - The Asian fly girl from Harlem! I think she really auditioned for "Flavor of Love" but her picture ended up on Ty Ty's desk instead. I can't wait for her to really unleash her "Kimoraness" on one of those annoying bitches. And I'm hoping it's Clark.

Below are pictures of my favorites whores from yet another totally random photoshoot. How the fuck are you supposed to pose "nuclear weaponey." Visit Top Model LiveJournal to see the rest.

Right now I'll say that Marjorie, Isis and Ty Ty will be final 3. Yes, Ty Ty. I think this is the year she's finally going to throw herself in the competition for no reason.

Victory for Spaghetti Cat! The other hot sluts didn't stand a chance. The pussy with an appetite for naked noodles beat the hell out of Robey, Nasty Nastia and Chad Rogers to win the illustrious title of August's Hot Slut of the Month! And he did it all without sauce on his noodles. Seriously, why doesn't he like sauce? Gives him the runs?

Spaghetti Cat is also the first pussy in Dlisted history to win HSOTM! Now, he deserves some sauce for that. Thanks to everyone who voted!

Sorry Mr. Policeman, Jennifer Aniston isn't letting you go anywhere - Popsugar

The chick from "Dream a Little Dream" got naked for MySpace - Egotastic!

Nasty Nastia's Wheaties box! - Just Jared

Ashlee Simpson's long-lost twin (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Keeley Hazell is allergic to shirts - IDLYITW

Saint Angelina is moody - Hollywood Rag

Joshuah from Big Brother quit his job over blonde highlights - Towleroad

Speaking of frosty flakes hair, here's Keith Urban - Lainey Gossip

Censor bar art - Cityrag

One day Bat Boy is going to mistake Xtina for a greasy chicken bone and he's going to swallow her whole - Hollywood Tuna

Meth face sex alert! TMZ reports that Jeremy Jackson, Hobie from "Baywatch," is the star of a 45-minute sex tape currently being shopped around to the highest bidder. I'll trade my half-eaten Spicy Chicken Wrapper from Burger King for it. That's saying a lot, because that shit is good.

The tape also stars former porn star turned devout Christian Sky Lopez. The Hoff must be so proud. Seriously, he's probably really proud. Jeremy issued a pretty hilarious statement about the tape:

"Listen, this video was made by my best friend. Between me and a casual sex partner who just so happened to be a former porn star. I was later physically threatened if I didn't turn the DVD over to some drug addicted thugs.

They said, 'Sky wanted it back and I didn't want to ever be seen as a porn star, that she had turned to God and was changing her life.' So I gave it up for HER and so they would not beat me up and 'make my life hell' as they had threatened. I was blackmailed. This private recording becoming public kinda sucks. But I thought people out there should know the truth and how far some people will go to make a quick buck."

Meth kills brain cells. A porn star doesn't want people to see her fucking on camera? And his best friend just happened to film it? I'm guessing a few mysterious baggies traded hands before the camera rolled. His reason sounds like the plot of an exceptionally bad episode of "Baywatch Nights."

I'm not sure how hot a Hobie sex tape would be. He looks like he has an awful case of shriveled meth dick. It probably just lays there like a sad slug in the sun. That being said, I'll gladly watch all 45-minutes of the tape. For research purposes of course.

Is Sienna Miller talking to her purse again? That silly slut! Sienna, your PUSS is the one with all the answers, not your purse! I swear! She's been slapped in the head with a dangerous dong way too many times.

So! My favorite happy homewrecker isn't so happy. Sienna is depressed because the press in England has labeled her a shameless whore. The final straw came when some hater of loose women spray-painted the word "SLUT" on her house. I take that as a compliment, but I guess Sienna didn't appreciate it.

Sienna has decided to pack up her floppy vag lips and flee London for Los Angeles where she plans to shack up with Balthazar Getty. Sienna's step-mommy said: "It's disgusting that she can not live in her own country. Now she's going to have to leave the country to get on with life. She can't live here now. Why is it that if a man leaves his wife the new woman gets all the shit? That doesn't happen the other way round."

Um....bitches are just as rude as here. Sienna needs to embrace it. When someone calls her a "dumb skank slut," she should say "thank you." That's what I do! I'd rather be a slut who sucks dicks in their sleep than a frigid bitch who can't even squeeze out a shit.

And something tells me the sale of male chastity belts will go waaaaaay up in Los Angeles once Sienna arrives.