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Somebody give Kevin Bacon a job! And not a blow job! Well, unless you're going to pay top dollar for it. Seriously, can't they write him into the Footloose remake? Or maybe a network can buy BACON'D? Something! Kevin is just not bringing home the bacon the way he used to (GONG!). The bitch needs money.

Kevin and his wife person, Kyra Sedgwick, found themselves swindled by Bernie Madoff. They say they lost everything but the money in their checking accounts and their houses. Kevin told Life & Style that he needs work, "We'll march on. We have to. There's nothing you can do about it. You can't change what happened. Things could be worse. You remember that, and you go on with your life. I didn't see it coming. I don't have anything lined up right now, but I need to work, for obvious reasons."

Kyra has money coming in from The Closer. But Kevin's last gig was that Frosty Snowman/Nixon movie.

Ok, what about a Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon game show hosted by the man himself. I'd watch that shit. Let's play it now! Shall we? I'll start:

1. I know a bitch.
2. This bitch knows Justin Theroux's dog sitter.
3. Justin Theroux's dog sitter obviously knows Justin Theroux.
4. Justin Theroux was in Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle with Shia LaDouche.
5. Shia LaDouche was in New York, I Love You with KEVIN BACON!

Voila. I am separated from Kevin Bacon by 5 degrees. It's your turn. You can use this hot website to help you. I'm sure all of you will beat my ass. 5 is pretty weak.

Lezzie firestarter alert! Courtenay Semel is used to playing with fire (she used to suck on HoHan's matchstick clit), but the post-seizure-faced skank has gone way too far! Page Six says that Nay Nay's ex-partner in pussy, Band-Aid heiress Casey Johnson, showed up at her house after she had a fight with her girlfriend. I guess Casey was looking for some comfort and warmth. She got a little more warmth than she bargained for, because Nay Nay set her hair on fire! "Youuuuuu light up my haaaaaaair..." "Come on baby light my hair on fire....." "Your hair! Your hair! Your hair is on fire!" I can do this all night....

A source said, "Casey went to Courtenay's house, and Courtenay proceeded to beat the crap out of her, and then she lit her hair on fire. Casey had to be hospitalized." The source went on to say that Casey's mom had to fly out to meet with lawyers about this shit. Casey, who is also a mother to an adopted girl from Kazakhstan (blame Borat), is now strolling around town with shorter hair, because she lost most of it in the fire.

When asked to comment, Nay Nay played that shit down, "There was a fight. But this is a major exaggeration. We are speaking. We are friends."

Yeah, it was no big deal. The bitch just set someone's hair on fire! Nay Nay probably thinks she did Casey a favor, because her hair was gross nasty and now it's totally dyke-ish and hot. The ladies will looooove it. I bet Nay Nay sent Casey an invoice for her services.

If you ever run into Nay Nay on the street or anywhere else, run the other way like you've got an Energizer battery in your ass. Because if you don't and you give her an accidental side-eye, the crazy ho will bust a flame on your hair. The fire would eventually move to your eyebrows.....and then you'd have to use a Sharpie. Wait. Maybe that's not such a bad thing.....

I watch The Bad Girls Club every week for the bitchfights alone. There's usually one every episode, but this week's is my favorite so far this season. I was waiting for this. The shit started when Amber M and Kayla started bitching over a $2 tip at dinner. This trickled into the car where fists started flying. Amber M finally told the other Amber to pull over so she could handle things with Kayla.

Amber, being the elegant swan that she is, got out of the car barefoot and started to fight Kayla in a damn gas station. Mozart started playing in my ears because this was so beautiful. I mean, fighting a bitch barefoot over $2 at a gas station? Alistair Cooke should havefloated down from heaven to narrate this event on PBS. It was that classy.

The fight ended in a choke-off. When they got home, Kayla realized she was going to be kicked off, so she did the honors herself and left. Strangely enough, Amber M stayed. That dumb bitch threw punches too. Yes, they were weak ass punches, but she stilled busted on Kayla.

No. It's gorgeous Boy Georgie Porgie, puddin', pie, cake, candy, ice cream, and anything else he can fit in his mouth hole!

I can't lie to myself. I'd let him hit it with a rusty chain while I'm tied to his radiator. I bet he smells like powdered donuts and turkey gravy. I kind of just want to nestle into his chins o'plenty. And his chichis probably rival Aretha Franklin's. Swooooon.

Here's BG leaving his house in London today to visit the ATM. You know what he's getting money for. I just hope the bitch he bought knows how to pick a lock with his tongue.

While watching Gretchen make her liver weep in pain on The Real Housewives of Orange County last night, I just fucking knew that Bravo was going to pull some shit and throw a "To be continued..." up there when it started to get scandalous. That's exactly what they did. AHHHH! The used of TBC should be banned from TV. I want that shit now.

Let me explain the events leading up to the clip above for those of you who were too busy doing hood rat stuff last night. Tamra tried to throw some fancy dinner party but it turned into the "Watch Gretchen Act Like A Drunk Slut Show." And it was all that hot bitch (I can't help but not love her) Tamra's fault. Earlier in the night she told Vicki that they should try to get Gretchen as fucked up as possible so that she can act the fool. That's right. Friends help friends get as tanked as humanly possible. That's what I say too. But honestly, Tamra might as well have dropped some GBH in the bitch's drink.

On the other hand, those tequila shots weren't magically jumping into Gretchen's mouth. Although, I swear a tequila shot or two actually jumped into my mouth. I swear. This is not what happened to Gretchen. I think she sort of knew where things were going to go. There comes a time when you're getting wasted that you arrive at a fork in the road. You can either a) go barf and drink a Gatorade. Or b) keep going until you blackout and can't be responsible for your actions. Gretchen chose b.

Because Gretchen was obliterated, she started majorly flirting with Tamra's rapey-faced son, Ryan, while her dying sugar pepaw was at home (he passed away since this episode was filmed). Ryan seems like he's fucking skilled at taking advantage of whores when they're riding the drunk train. The episode ended with Ryan and Gretchen in the bathroom about to maybe get it on over the toilet. I'm hoping that all that booze mixing (tequila, wine, etc...) just made Gretchen barf all over Ryan's "nugget" inner lip tattoo.

Gretchen disappoints me. This is not how a gold digger behaves herself. You don't fuck with hot pieces when you don't legally have the gold yet. And if you're going to be fucking stupid and get with a bitch, at least make it a hot one. Gretchen should be all over Jeana's son Shane, not that nasty ass Ryan. He looks like he has permanent coke breath. Wretched. And I bet the dick is always semi-soft and skinny like a breadstick. A soggy breadstick is not worth it.

P.S. - I have filed the cuddle threesome between Gretchen, Ryan and his mom under "You So Nasty."

Ricardo Montalban has gone off to the Fantasy Island called heaven at the age 88. Radar reports that he passed away from natural causes at his home called Casa Montalban in Los Angeles at 6:30am this morning.

Ricardo's wife of 63 years just passed away last year. Ricardo's son-in-law told Radar that he was with his daughter and nurses at the time of his death.

I will forever love Ricardo for giving me the gift of Khan in Star Trek II. Amazingly hot. Click here to see a picture of him in that. The Academy should give him an honorary award this year for that performance alone.

Rest in peace, Ricardo... Now you can be with Tattoo forever!

Which Oscar winner got tired of eating at home — and cheated on his pregnant girlfriend with their local waitress? (Gatecrasher)

I'm stumped. Kevin Costner? But he has a knocked up wife, not girlfriend. You'll do better than me.

Which Hollywood celeb pulled a stripper, but was horrified by her ugly mug when he woke up in bed with her the next morning? (3am Girls)

Since this blind item is coming out of Britain, I'll guess Josh Hartnett. That bitch was there recently for a while. But he's boinked Kiki before, so he should be used to morning fug.

I'm sure the fans of this married world class golfer with the perfect image would be shocked to know he cheats on his wife on a regular basis. (CDAN)

They're grrrrreeeeat!

Which second-tier Hollywood action hero takes a hairdresser everywhere with him to get his bald spot sprayed, Jonny Vaughn style, with hair-in-a-can? (Popbitch)

Van Damme?! I bet he uses it on his crotch area too.

This television show has seen several personnel shifts over the last couple of years. There is another major shift coming up. The shocking part of this is that the person leaving may be replaced with someone they hate and who aggravates the heck out of the producers. Why this candidate? The producers want ratings and Emmys, and the replacement is a known quantity for generating lots of controversy and ratings and buzz. So they have held their noses and made an offer, and are now waiting for an answer. (Blind Gossip)

Two choices: TR out and Isaiah in at Grey's? Or Joy/Whoopi/Sherri out and Star/Rosie in at The View?

There’s a television series that’s being carried by a major network. Not a completely original concept, but well-written and well-executed with a likeable lead. In fact, the entire project was really sold on the strength of the star of the show, for whom this is a breakthrough role. Big problem behind the scenes, though. The star has a substance-abuse problem. The show is being filmed now, and the producers are torn between wanting to get a bunch of episodes wrapped despite the star’s erratic behavior, to rewrite scenes or entire episodes without the star, or to shut everything down while the star goes to rehab. Absolute last resort: recasting the lead, a very unappealing prospect. (Blind Gossip)

That Hilary Duff playing a lawyer shit at NBC?

Remember Little Adolf Hitler? CPS took him away from his parents for some unknown reason (aka because mommy and daddy named him Hitler) - Jezebel

Pamela Anderson needs 2 pairs of pants: 1 to go over her legs and 1 to go over her face - Hollywood Tuna

AnnaLynne McCord should just do Playboy already - Egotastic!

Daniel Craig: Sexiest chauffeur since Deborah Foreman - Lainey Gossip

AI's Bikini Bitch needs to go (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Yet another homoerotic moment on Bromance - Towleroad

Mr. Clooney goes to Washington - Popsugar

The new Survivor has a member of SWV in it. I get soooooo weak - E! Online

Doesn't Rupert Grint know that if he wants to be edgy, he has to show us the peen! - Just Jared

Street art pranks - Cityrag

Put on your combat boots! We're gonna crash Johnny Depp's wedding! - Hollywood Rag

I'm pretty sure UsWeekly screwed up that quote from Fuggie Fug. What she really said is, "I held back the crotch tears." Obviously, she did a bad job and that's why she had to pose with her ass to the camera. Hiding the piss stains!

But seriously, Josh looks like he's posing in a JcPenney catalog and Fuggie's dress looks like it came out of one. That's the kind of tight shit you wear to the prom when you don't want to want to give up the panty. True story. One of my slutty friends in high school bought the tightest and longest prom dress she could find because she said she didn't want to be tempted to fuck her boyfriend in the bathroom. If she wore a skin-tight dress it would be too much work. She did it anyway in the parking lot.

Image VIA Cover Awards

I am all kinds of wrong for the thoughts that passed through my head while watching this sweet innocent hamster swallow a tiny carrot in a matter of seconds. I am not right in the head. The church was right. Just for that I'll be forced to join the glory hole clean-up crew in Hell.

It's that time of day where you can converse freely about whatever while others silently judge you. You can talk about how this hamster eating a carrot looks just like my dream from a couple of nights ago where my unwaxed no-no swallowed Carrot Top's stick. WHY?! Why does the devil make me write such garbage? Anyway, I'm gonna go dip my head in bleach (I do that anyway because of the crabs) while you rant amongst yourselves.

VIA Buzzfeed