Bear Grylls, the fake survivor bitch who has that show on the Discovery Channel, has welcomed a new baby boy with his wife Shara. They already hate their child, because they named him Huckleberry Edward Jocelyne Grylls. Huckleberry. As in Hound. As in Finn. As in fucking Huckleberry. What is this boy supposed to do with that name? Travel along the damn Mississippi River and speak in a slow Southern drawl. Or grow up to be a pot of jam.
This isn't Bear's first time at the fucked up baby name rodeo. They named their second son Marmaduke. Marmafuckingduke!!! Yes, like that big ass cartoon dog! That is pure evil. These people have bear jizz for brains. Somebody seriously stop them from having more kids, because you know they will name their next one Boo Boo or Snagglepuss. I'm being serious.
Bear and Shara's first son Jesse is probably laughing his ass off at Marmaduke and Huckleberry.
DAAAAAM!!! THIS IS SOME BENJAMIN BUTTON'S SHIT! That is the proper response for any kind of fuckery.
JLo didn't wear her wedding ring to the Golden Globes on Sunday because it got stuck up her ass when she tried to get that stick out. No, the mega bitch says it just didn't go with her dress. She told InTouch (via NYDN), "Every time I'm not wearing my ring, people think I'm getting divorced. That's crazy! It just didn't go with the dress."
Many things didn't go with that dress. Like a vagina for one, because that shit belonged on a drag queen. And Skeletor really didn't go with that dress, because the only thing he looks good with is a crypt.
JLo didn't wear that tacky piece of trash because she knew everyone would be talking about it and the ho needs to see herself on the cover of tabloids. It makes her feel relevant. And here I am doing exactly what she wants. That bitch!
Which aging action star had a leisurely conversation with a young, hunky co-star on set — all while being pleasured by an extra? (Gatecrasher)
Only Van Damme would pull this shit. And why does that turn me on a little?
Catty at the Casting Call. Normally, when an actor goes on a casting call, they are on their best behavior. This one well-known film actor, however, somehow thinks that the rules don’t apply to her. Although she was heavily favored for the role in a film that will almost certainly become a hit, she showed up late and was rude to the person at the front desk. She then whipped out her cell phone in the waiting area and proceeded to quietly but audibly bad mouth the lead actor who was already attached to the film, calling him a “fucking loser”. By the time she was ushered into the meeting, word of her bad behavior had already reached the director. He gave the star a scant five minutes of his time, and dismissed her with barely a comment. The role will go to another actress. (Blind Gossip)
Catty? It's Spaghetti Cat and he was up for the role of Catwoman in the new Batman. The role is going to La Pequena. But seriously, I'll get the movie is Batman and the actor is Kate Beckinsale? She looks like a major cunt.
This up and coming known for his very good looks C list actor with B list name recognition who is right on the verge of becoming huge, has a major medical issue he is facing. Apparently he needs to have some oral surgery to remove a growth on his tongue. It could impair his ability to speak properly and permanently derail his career. For now he is keeping the upcoming surgery quiet, so as to not jeopardize any further opportunities from coming his way while at the same time hoping it doesn't cost any lasting damage. (CDAN)
Princess Zac Efron? I told him to never salad toss without a rubber on the tongue.
This A list film actress has barely admitted to getting botox. Always presumed to be a natural beauty, it turns out that in addition to botox she has also got her breasts augmented and had lipo, all while under the guise of being in the hospital for completely different reasons. (CDAN)
St. Angie is looking a little different lately, but that's probably just because the hand of God personally touched her forehead.
I'm going to take a short break from talking caca about celebwhores to show you this picture I saw on Gawker. Nuts. It was taken a short time after a US Airways plane bound for Charlotte, NC crashed into the Hudson in NYC. The news says it was the geese's fault! Those damn geese. Always getting into shit. The pilot signalled mayday after hitting the flock of geese.
There were 179 people on board. I heard that everyone got off safely, but that hasn't been confirmed. Hopefully, it's true. UPDATE: It's true! Everyone's safe!
I guess I should take off my headphones and start paying attention when the flight attendants tell us what to do in an emergency water landing.
Stepford Katie is putting her hand in the fire and not even making an "ow!" face. Fire is no match for a robot.
This is Miu Miu's newest ad featuring everyone's least favorite beardbot. It looks like she traded in one flame for another. Speaking of Tommy Girl, I'm pretty sure they shot this ad down in his dungeon. Of course they had to remove all the harnesses, Xenu real dolls and the dildo fucking chair that usually sits in the corner.
And she's so fucking digitally altered that even Second Life avatars look more realistic than she does.
What happens to Katie Holmes when she catches a glimpse of Tommy Girl's Scientolohole - Just Jared
Lauren Budd is a useless tramp. I'm only saying this because she's doing that hot bitch David Walliams - Egotastic!
Salma Hayek is hot despite that fugly thing on her body - Hollywood Tuna
A low budget HoHan and that's saying a lot - Popsugar
Beyonce hates dogs - Lainey Gossip
Straight up now tell me if that's your real nose, Paula? - Cityrag
Big Brother Brazil's contestants live in a glass house. Literally. - Towleroad
Nicolette Sheridan is sitting around in her panties in Malibu while my bits turn to ice (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather
Kate Hudson can't even spell art - Hollywood Rag
Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom totally borrow each other's clothes - Popoholic
Now that Kendra Wilkinson has moved out of the Playboy mansion and is no longer one of Hef's whores, she's spilling shit to UsWeekly (via NYDN). Oh, I love it when bitches diarrhea all over what made them famous in the first place.
Kendra said life at the mansion was strict as hell and that she's totally against Hef's "way of life" now. Their comings and goings were monitored in a book that Hef would look at every morning. They weren't allowed to ever visit their families during the holidays and they were given a measly weekly allowance of only $1,000. Kendra said, "I hate putting my hand out, but we couldn't have jobs other than getting appearance fees."
$52k a year is minimum-wage for a trophy wife. Although, the mansion does have an open bar, right? Because I know some skanks that probably spend that a year on booze alone. Don't look at me. I'm fucking happy with some Gordon's.
Despite her every move being watched, Kendra found ways to sneak out for quick fuck sessions. She said that there were times when she would suck on Hef's Play-Doh peen, but most days she hardly saw him. She said, "I only saw Hef, like, once a day walking through the halls to his office. There were never solo dates. The most we kind of say to each other is, 'I love you,' 'Love you too,' 'I hope you have a good day,' 'Did you have a good day?' "
So because of the lack of attention her poon was getting, she had to go elsewhere to get that shit milked. But Kendra said Bridget claims she never fucked around on Hef, "Bridget told me that she's been faithful all these years, and I was like, 'How the hell can you do that?' I had to have [sex] so I could feel my age,like a healthy human being."
It sounds like Kendra sort of had it okay. SORT OF. Everything was pretty much paid for. She didn't have to regularly eat Hef's oatmeal ass. And she could fuck with some hot piece every now and again.
Holly is the one I want to hear from. That bitch was sleeping in Hef's bed every night. She's the one who probably has carpal tunnel from trying to get Hef to bust one while jacking him off with BenGay. She has the stories.
And at least Kendra learned how to sneak out properly. She's going to need that skill after she gets married and her new husband stops putting out.
What I have here for you is an ad from Durex featuring a trio of horny ass condoms doggies getting it on in various positions. They 69, they hit it from the back, the do the reverse cowgirl, they pull a train, etc..etc.. Nasty rubberfuckers! It's kind of cute.....in a sexy time kind of way.
So...you can talk about how uncomfortable you feel because these condom doggies are making your genitals twitch or you can rant about whatever else you want. Everything is on topic because there is no topic. And now I have to go run circles in my living room, because I've had 15 cups of coffee today.
VIA Best Week Ever
When us mega sluts aren't sucking dick in between subway cars after rush hour (sometimes there's nowhere to go), we're getting absolutely wasted. It's a life! Sienna Miller did a little of the latter last night in London. And her ball and chain peen Balthazary Getty was not around. So when the peen is away, the pussy will play.
Sienna left a club with Cillian Murphy and some "Michael Kors after Jenny Craig-looking" gay. If Cillian's wife was smart, she would've put The Club on her husband's dick before he went out with Sienna. Or at least stuck a Lojack in his ass. You know how Sienna plays. When she sees a shiny wedding ring, it's just a matter of time before she's wearing it on her clit.
The Gossip Girl spin-off is really happening and it sounds like The CW wants to beat the record for the fastest canceled show in the history of television. They are centering the new show on a teenage Lily van der Woodsen growing up in 1980s Los Angeles during the whole "valley girl" craze. Gag me, gag them, gag everyone involved in this shit.
The plot will involve Lily running away from her parents and moving in with her bad sister in the San Fernando Valley. The description released by Warner Bros. goes on to say, "Caught between two worlds, Lily dives into the fast-paced Sunset Strip and the Hollywood lifestyle of the '80s, journeying over the hill to a world of wealth and excess that used to be her own."
The pilot will air on May 11th.
I will watch this crap if these things happen: Loryn from Valley Girl must be Lily's slutty best friend and Pia Zadora must play her as a teenager. They must use the phrases "fer shur" and "tubular to the max" as much as possible. Stacey Q must play the high school drama teacher and perform "Shy Girl" during an impromptu cafeteria fashion show in each episode. And L.A. Looks must be an official sponsor and the hair must reflect this.