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Well, if Otis was a rat instead of a Pug. Here's a precious video of Peanut the rat and Ranj the pussy showing affection for each other while some gay ass music plays. I had to turn that shit down. That music was way too fucking cheery for me. I played Atlantic Starr's "Secret Lovers" instead.

Yes, this is touching, but methinks Peanut is the only one giving real love. Ranj looks suspect to me. I bet she's a no rat-loving pussy. She's just playing along, trying to get close. When Ranj licks Peanut, she's just trying to get a little taste before she goes in for the kill. Or maybe she's marinating Peanut? This love affair is going to end in a bad way. But don't listen to my stupid ass, let's just pretend they're the new Milo & Otis!

VIA Daily Mail

What funnyman’s wife caught him in bed with another man? Sister straight-up dumped her dude after catching that class act. (Gatecrasher)

Now if I take the "sister" and "act" from the blind item, I'll get Whoopi Goldberg. Whoopi is good friends with Robin Williams. He split up with his wife last year. He's my guess! But it could also be Eddie Murphy or Mike Myers.

This chiseled hunk’s fab abs may ring a bell - he loves getting snapped shirtless, and there’s no denying he looks hot! So why does he rely on his bodyguards to get him dates? “If he sees a pretty babe out in the crowd that he likes, he’ll have his man go tell her he’s interested,” a former employee confides. “An he usually gets the girl!” (Star VIA Blind Gossip)

A Bell?! Who is AC Slater, Alex.

Yes, she is definitely pregnant. So why isn’t she announcing? Because there are two more pressing issues with which she is dealing. The first is that her relationship with the baby’s father is rather tenuous right now. Friendly in public, but lots of stress and squabbling in private. The second reason is that her very aggressive attorney is trying to wrangle down the source of some hurtful information about her that would certainly tarnish her image. So the pregnancy isn’t exactly at the top of the list in this trio of life issues. (Blind Gossip)

Mimimimimimimimimimimimi?

This pop superstar from a famous group came to America looking for success. Well, she got all that and more, including a baby and a shady husband. This female loves kinky sex. The more the merrier is her motto, and now the stories of her sexcapades are starting to come out. (Downfront2 via Blind Gossip)

Scary Spice loves orgies?!

P.S. - The Blind Item dog for today needs a bath, right?

Earlier I posted that Beyonce will sing the first dance between Barack and Michelle Obama on inaugural night. The head bitch of the Presidential Inaugural Committee said they were trying to keep it a secret. Well, Beyonce must have ate the memo on accident or something, because she let the secret out.

She issued a statement about it to Entertainment Tonight: "I am so honored that I will be performing for President Obama and the First Lady. To sing 'At Last' while they have their first dance is a dream come true. I could not be more honored and excited that they have asked me to be part of this moment in history."

Beyonce sang that shit at the Kennedy Honors and in that Cadillac Records movie. It sort of sounds like Etta James' version. Well, if Etta had laryngitis and sang that shit while sitting on a shaky dryer with a vibrator on her throat.

And you know Beyonce is going to release another statement that says, "I didn't release that statement! Sasha Fierce did! She can't keep a secret!" Dumb bitch with her multiple personality disorder.

The whores of Dlisted have spoken! Spaghetti Cat has been crowned Hot Slut of 2008 with a total of 21,210 votes! Spaghetti Cat only got 116 more votes than Rojo Caliente. This was a death match to the end! Bitches from both campaigns e-mailed me with accusations of voter fraud! There will not be a recount. Spaghetti Cat is the winner. I mean, last year's "Hot Babe of the Year" Phoebe Price has already handed over her crown, sash and royal dildo.

If Spaghetti Cat is unable to fulfill his duties or he runs out of 9 lives, Rojo Caliente will be crowned as his replacement. I will get drunk on Bud at Home Depot in Chelsea tonight to mourn Rojo's loss.... One day my no-heart will go on.....

While I try to heal, let's all congratulate Spaghetti Cat as our 4th Hot Slut of the Year following in the slutsteps of Bai Ling, Harvey Price and international supermodel Phoebe Price.

Thanks to all you skanks for voting! And also thanks to everyone who submitted a Hot Slut request in '08!

Oh 1979. It was so much easier back then. You didn't have to worry about losing partial feeling in your puss lips from getting them waxed or cutting your nutsack from shaking your hand while shaving that shit. You could let the forest grow freely. That's what Vadge did and there's a picture on the auction block to prove it!

You've probably already seen this shit, because it was in Playboy back in 1985, so it's lived on the internet for a while.

The picture was taken in 1979 when Vadge needed quick cash to buy shit (razors were obviously not on her list). It was taken by Lee Friedlander. He said he paid her around $25 for the shoot. The other 5 pictures in the series already sold for $7,170 in 2003. This one is expected to get anywhere from $10k to $15k at Christies. Yes, $10,000 for hairy snatch! Vadge's bush o'plenty can be yours on February 12th.

Nowadays, Vadge couldn't grow hair down there if she fucking threw some Rogaine at it. That's where nutsacks go to die.

Anyway, see where Bigfoot used to live after the jump. I don't have to tell you that Vadge's vintage Sascrotch is NSFW. JUMP!!!

You might be a hillbilly if you wear a leopard bra underneath a Nascar camo half-shirt and mudflap girl sweats while dancing on a pole. "Hey y'all! It's mah sexee times outfit!" - Lainey Gossip

There's a Katy Perry nekkid picture going around and it's probably not real - Idolator

Casey Carlson is the hottest American Idol contestant ever...right after Sanjaya and Kevin Covais - Egotastic!

If I were Pam Anderson's nipple, I'd try to make a break for it too - Hollywood Tuna

Haylie Duff and her mobile home (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Battle of the guns: Jakey vs. Marky - Cityrag

I'd watch Grey's Anatomy if they showed this the entire hour - Towleroad

CSI: NY has gone to the twats - Just Jared

Lourdes is the only one with brains in that family - Hollywood Rag

Yes, Michael C. Hall is sexy - Popsugar

The Associated Press has confirmed that Beyonce will sing Barack and Michelle Obama's first dance on inauguration night. That's if Solange doesn't break out of the basement, hitchhike to DC and throw spaghetti sauce all over Sasha Fierce so that Aretha Franklin will mistake her for the main course. And then Solange will magically perform in her place.

A rep for the Presidential Inaugration Committee wouldn't say what she's going to sing, "It is our hope that we can keep the song secret until the moment."

I really hope the Obamas are rehearsing the Single Ladies dance right now. And if that's not the song BeyonceSashaWhatever is going to sing, then I hope Single Ladies is the encore with the Bidens doing the honors.