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We all wore some busted shit when we were Miley Cyrus' age, but you know this whole entire outfit is worth more than what I would sell for on the whore market. Actually, that's not saying much since I think I've already been appraised for a couple of hundred pesos, a lame goat and an elderly monkey with a farting problem. Anyway, this outfit right here put the ug in fug.

I feel like we should all quit our jobs, move to Hollywood and open up a store where we sell torn up shit for like $200 each. Miley totally bought these crackwhore tights already torn up. Think about it. We can go and buy a bunch of L'Eggs, spend 3-minutes tearing that shit up and then sell them for a couple of hundred dollars. We can even say they came from an authentic crackwhore. Those dumb celebskanks will buy it up because they love spending millions of dollars to look like homeless hookers.

Miley doesn't even know who Iron Maiden is. The bitch probably thinks it's something you buy at Wal-Mart to make grilled cheeses. And even Brit Brit wouldn't be caught flashing her shaved possum pie in those boots.

P.S. - Paging Chris Hansen! Paging Chris Hansen! Your assistant is needed in thumbnail #1.

District Judge Esther Cunningham - This shit is from last week, but I totally forgot about it until she came to me in a dream last night. True fact. Our slut Esther is a district judge over in Britain. Well, Esther appeared as her cousin's solicitor in a dangerous dog case. Before she went before the court, Esther decided to have a little brandy. Homegirl had a little too much because bitch got drrrrrruuunk! And Esther's a grouchy drunk, because while in court she told an usher to "fuck off." She also called one of the prosecutors a "fuckwit," refused to sit down and finally kissed a different prosecutor in front of everyone. A guard finally escorted her ass out.

Esther might be a fucking genius because her excuse was that she suffers from an illness that makes her breath smell like booze. Yes, that illness is called being a drunk, you crazy bitch! But seriously that's a good line and will probably come in handy for one of us.

Esther also found herself in more trouble when she taught a law class while boozed up. She finally agreed to get some help for her mysterious illness that makes her breath smell like alcohol.

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