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Whenever I stare at Tommy Girl long enough I start to see a gay ass pink bunny rabbit before me, so it's funny to me that this bitch wasn't allowed into the Valkyrie premiere in Berlin. The homorabbit even wore Tommy's eye patch from the movie, but he forgot to put a dead brown poodle on his head. They seriously threw a pink gay bunny off the red carpet. That's Sharon Stone cold. I guess Tommy wants to be the only crazy bitch at his own party.

Stepford Katie was also there looking more demonic in the face than ever. Her lipstick looks like butt grease. You can look at Tommy for that. He probably scooted on her face.

And if you look at the close-ups of Tommy, it really looks like he's getting double-fisted. Real talk: his butt plug probably just shifted.

Gone are the days where you didn't have to worry about going to jail if you threw a taco at a bitch's face. The other day in Deltona, FL, this 19-year-old douchebag threw a taco at his mom's face after she unplugged his Xbox. Yes, she got a face full of taco. It does sound like the plot of a sick ass porn movie.

Dena Moir told police that her son Zachary is a mega loser who doesn't have a job and plays Xbox every single waking minute. When she called his ass down for dinner, he refused, so she went upstairs and fucked up his life by unplugging his Xbox. That's when he followed her downstairs and bitch slapped her with a taco. Seriously, this sounds kind of sexy in a totally wrong way. Dena said, "I've been having trouble with him for awhile won't work, wont' go to school. He's being rude and disrespectful. Pushing things to the limit as far as the violence. I’ve threatened to call police before. But anyway this time, I thought he went too far so I called police and he's in jail now.”

Dena refuses to take his calls from jail and is trying to teach him a lesson. Damn. Bitch really didn't like getting taco slapped. Can't say I blame her. A couple of times in junior high school I experimented and let a bitch pound me in the mouth with her taco. I wanted to call 911 too.

And I hate to admit it, but even though Zach is a bag of dirty dildos, I'd still let him hit it with his taquito. As far as I know, he doesn't have a taco. And if he does, he can hit it with that too.

Fantasia is always photographed with bawling pits and none of her friends have helped her out with this situation. At last night's Hip-Hop Caucus in DC, Fantasia not only had extreme underarm juice, but her titties were also moist . Is she using that crystal rock shit? Methinks that mess makes you sweat even more.

If Fanny can't get her hands on some bootleg Botox, she could do what my cousin did at her Quinceanera. That bitch was afraid of pit jizz, so she put a maxi pad underneath each arm. We called her period pits the entire night, but it worked. That's what Fantasia needs and I would only call her period pits behind her back.

And Fantasia's exquisite Lee Press-On nails have taken her from trashy to *CLASSY*.

It's kind of fitting that I'm following a post about Wynonna Judd's Alli shits with this picture. Anyshitty, a while ago I posted a caption picture that is probably somehow related to this fuckery going on above. This is what they call mechanically separated chicken. It's what they use to make Chicken McNuggets and other delicious morsels. It looks like strawberry soft-serve! It's also what comes out of one of Wonky's coochie pimples.

Looking at shit like this won't stop me from ordering a 20-piece McNugget after a drunk night. It really looks delicious to me, because I'm picturing it going in a tub of Crisco and getting fried. My sister's ex-boyfriend once tried to get me off McDonald's by telling me they used worm meat instead of beef and chicken. Didn't stop me. I don't care if that crap is made out of possum jizz. It still tastes right to me.

Source: Buzzfeed

HA! The dude on the right is thinking what we're all thinking: "Bitch, Alli isn't doing shit for you (excpet giving you the shits)." Or maybe he's thinking: "That bitch is on Alli. I better stay away from her ass before it explodes in a tidal wave of diarrhea."

A little while ago, I was thisclose to trying Alli, but I got e-mails from you whores warning me against it. You told me my toilet and panties would pay the price. Apparently, it gives you a serious case of the ass squirts. One bitch wrote me that she butt barfed on herself at a wedding after she ate fried chicken. That's not the way.

Your ass becomes an oil geyser if you eat anything greasy or fatty. Come to think of it, Alli shits are probably the exact shade of Wynonna Judd's hair. They should use that in their next campaign!!!

Sorry, Wonky, your dignity isn't in there. You fucked that away a long ass time ago. Or maybe this useless whore is just looking for another sex tape. Seriously, there's probably two in there. The bitch queefs one out every minute. The Sun says some dude named Darnell Riley claims to have the newest Parasite sex tape. He bought 14 hours of footage from some Russian kids who stole it from her house.

In that 14 hours of footage, there's a clip of Wonky “in a state of arousal in a New York taxi.” That tramp always looks like she's in a "state of arousal" because she has permanent "fuck me without a condom" face.

There's also clips of Wonky filming herself at her grandmother's funeral. The Sun thinks Darnell may be lie-telling, because he went to prison for blackmailing Joe Francis.

I believe it. I believe there are millions of Wonky sex tapes floating around, because she is a narcissistic twat who loves being on camera. Seriously, go check your dryer. I'm sure one of her sex tapes is laying around in there. If you don't find one there, take a plunger to your toilet. One of her fuck tapes will surely pop up there.

Wake me up when she records a snuff film.

Here's Wonky looking like a bowlegged ostrich while shooting some shit for Fila in Los Angeles yesterday. Her skankness is even making that hot piece look unappetizing.

This shit is going around the internets and it's supposedly the most powerful man in the universe Brooke Hogan screeching along to Kelly Clarkson's "My Life Would Suck Without You."

You know, for lunch I had a Cup O Noodle, six Bagel Bites and like eight Pepperidge Farm Milanos. That shit has made me feel bloated everywhere. Even in my fingernails. That's why I'm going to listen to Brooke's trans warble over and over again. If I listen to it enough, I may start barfing up my lunch through my ears. Brooke will be doing me a favor.

This shit sounds like she recorded it while doing karaoke by herself. Her peen hole would've sang it better.

P.S. - Blame MileyLovesYou11 for this suckery.

VIA ONTD

Marisa Miller's nipple is one slippery bitch - Egotastic!

Eva Longwhoria looks busted in blue - Hollywood Tuna

JLo and Skeletor continue their "We're Still Relevant!" tour in DC - Just Jared

Camila Alves' body has zero signs of pregnancy - Popsugar

Bridget Marquardt is really clever (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Posh looks like Tama the station cat on the cover of Vogue Russia - Lainey Gossip

Life on Mars? - Towleroad

Ryan Cabrera still exists - Hollywood Rag

Krispy Kreme's abortion donuts sound delicious - Guanabee

Stepford Katie got another job - The Movie Blog

Camel toes galore - Cityrag

The Mirror claims that Brit Brit is in negotiations to "write" her life story for £10 million. A source said that if the deal goes through, Brit will somehow put together three to five books in the next ten years. Some source said, "She's kept diaries so there's nothing she'll leave out unless she wants to. Britney will talk frankly about growing up and how she went off the rails. It'll be a gripping read."

As gripping and insightful as that propaganda piece of shit she tried to pass off as a documentary?

I bet Brit Brit's diaries look like the Pee Chee folder of a 7-year-old girl. It's probably all pictures drawn with crayons and water markers. Whenever she thinks a page is really deep, she marks it with a hologram sticker. The publisher should just save some time and release Everyone Poops with Brit's picture on the cover. It'll be the same shit.

And the only chapter I'm interested in reading in Brit's tell-all is the one titled: Hi Yall! Brit Brit here, just want to update you all on the size of my vagina. Its about 4 feet wide with razor sharp teeth.

This video is basically just a pussy playing with some PUPPIES!!!, but add some thrilllllling music and you've got a scene out of The Matrix! The Catrix! In this clip, Neo (or Meo as Urlesque calls him) battles a group of evil Agent Smith puppies. Honestly, this shit is better than The Matrix. Meo has more charisma than Keanu Reeves. They should make a whole movie starring this spazzy puss. The puppies also made me think of the Shiba Inu 6 (never forget).

This is an open post where you can talk about slow-mo pussies, PUPPIES!!! or whatever else you want. I'll start: Is it gross to rinse and reuse floss? I'm just asking! I don't do that, but I think my abuelita did. I think. She reused everything! Even yogurt cups. Every day I would drink my morning orange juice out of a washed out plastic yogurt cup.