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When your eyebrows are so damn bushy that you have to shampoo, deep condition, blow dry and brush them each morning, it's time to whack that shit off. 72-year-old Si Burgher of Indiana finally tamed his out-of-control eyebrow situation by letting bitches trim them as part of a fundraiser for his Rotary International's PolioPlus project.

The Rotary members got the idea last week. Probably because they were sick of Pepaw Si asking them to braid his bush brows so he could see.

Several people paid $100 each to cut off a little piece of his eyebrows. They rasied a total of $1,600. His wife Amy did the honors with the first whack. She told MSNBC, "Beneath the eyebrows is a really handsome man. He looks like a normal person. I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts." Damn. A normal person? Bitch could have cut off those brows with her words.

Pepaw Si really looks like he's in pain from getting his pubic bush brows chopped off. Look at him. He looks like someone strangled his puppy. He needs a hot cup of Metamucil, a caramel square and a warm compress. I'm tempted to call up one of my chola cousins in California and ask them to volunteer their eyebrow painting services to this old bitch. He might be crying tears of pain now, but he'll be crying tears of joy after they take a Sharpie to his brows. Who wouldn't want a pair of gorgeous cholita eyebrows? They might even throw in a tear drop tattoo for free.

AHAHAHA! When that Droop Dog-faced Vicki hit the concrete on The Real Housewives of Orange County last night, my Tivo remote knew what was about to happen. If that shit had legs, it would've ran away and joined the circus. I rewinded that shit so many times I thought the button was going to fall off. What a beautiful moment.

So, last week we were left with blue balls. The episode ended with Gretchen almost cheating on her dying sugar daddy with Tamra's rapey-eyed son. Nothing happened. I was hoping Tamra would bust in and start shit, but she didn't. Instead, Gretchen kicked him out of the bathroom and that was that. It was very anti-climactic. I almost asked for my money back, but then Vicki fell and that made me forgive everyone.

Also in the episode, the housewives (sans Tamra) discussed my second favorite subject: MONEY! Specifically, Vicki and Jeana double-teamed Gretchen and told her she needs to become one of the benefactors of her fiance's life insurance policy before he shuffles off since she doesn't work and has been taking care of him.

This started a small war when that Lori Loughlin-looking bitch (her name is irrelevant) piped in and said she didn't think it was right for Gretchen to bring up money with her sugar daddy. The dumb bitch needs to choke on one of her fugly ass "Cuff Loves," because she lives in a patchouli cloud. Vicki speaks the truth! Besides, I think Gretchen was kind of playing dumb because she didn't want the others to think she's a supreme gold digger. She probably already had the papers drawn up. The ho ain't as dumb as she plays! Below is a short clip of that Cuff Love ho and Vicki having words.

....and without the wife beater on. Or the jeans. Or the socks. Or the cotton panties (I'm assuming). Or the socks. And he should be lubed and ready to go. Honestly, if your name is Christopher Robert Evans and you were born on June 13, 1981 in Boston, there should be a law that states it is illegal for you to wear any clothing of any type out in public. With our fucking luck, there's probably another 27-year-old Christopher Robert Evans from Boston who is fat, hairy and smelly. If my proposed law passes, he'll be able to flaunt his grossness without punishment. That's a chance I'm willing to take, because this Chris Evans is pure sex.

Here's Chris out in L.A doing..... Oh, who cares?! Just stare hard and try to keep your panty pudding in one area. You don't want that shit flowing into the next cubicle.

When is some bitch going to put together The Bad Gays Club for TV, because that would be the dream shit. I mean, I would join The Bad Girls Club, but I don't have a real working vagina. That is the gig to get. All you do is wake up and barf up the booze and jizz you drank from the previous night. Then you lay out by the pool with a Bud, slap one of your roommates in the face for calling you a racial slur and then you put on your favorite "jizzproof" outfit for a night of slut stuff. That's all these whores do! It's not like there's a real purpose to the show. At least Charm School tries to un-skank the skanks, but this shit doesn't even try. Best reality show to be on.

However, I do feel like they need some guidance if they want to be the best drunk sluts they can be. Take last night's episode for instance. Amber M and the surfing instructor she met earlier in the day went out to get wasted with the other skeezers. After Amber told the dude she liked getting tossed, she took him in the bathroom to suck his dick. Yeah, your regular ho shit, but Amber didn't complete the job! Her teeth got in the way. She admitted this to the world.

What pigeon-brained bitch admits to sucking at sucking?! An embarrassment to all sluts. They should evict her for that fact alone. That's why they need some skilled whore to come in and teach them dick sucking 101.

And shortly after this shameful scene, Amber got into a slap fight with another bitch during the limo ride home. Just another day in a dumb slut's life....

In Verne's defense, the doll is just his size. But this shit makes me flashback to his retina-killing sex tape. The two screen shots are pretty much the same. Verne needs to learn how to kiss without involving his little lizard tongue. After this shit went down, that plastic baby doll tried to throw itself in a fire.

Verne got sexy with the baby doll while making a movie with his fellow Celebrity Big Brother housemates. Verne had to pretend that the doll was Mutya Buena, who recently quit the show. Verne tells the doll, "Hey, Mutya. I know you wanna leave, but before you go can you just save a spot in bed for me and I will give you some special loving. We don’t have to tell anyone else. Hey - do you want to ride my scooter?" Click here to watch the scene, but I can't guarantee that Chris Hansen won't come up behind you and ask you to talk for a minute. Or that PedoBear will tap your on the shoulder and give you the thumbs up. Seriously, this feels like some pedo shit.

Some viewers of CBB skeeved out by the whole thing and have sent in letters. They said that a "grown man" shouldn't be getting it on with a baby doll. The words "grown man" needed to be italicized and pressed into quotes for obvious reasons.

And after Verne convinces the plastic baby doll not to throw itself in a fire, methinks he's going to marry it and make a million itty bitty plastic babies with it. They are totally going to look like this.

Thanks Rebecca

Happy Squirrel Appreciation Day! And don't celebrate by eating one! I'm talking to you, Brit Brit! - HuffPo

Gay sex scandal in Portland involving a dude named Beau BREEDLOVE - Towleroad

Owen Wilson and that hot piece Rick Rubin on a bike ride - Popsugar

Fran Drescher is still hot (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Fishsticks Paltrow bringing one of her organic nipples out - Egotastic!

Amanda Bynes always looks like someone put her head on another bitch's body - Hollywood Tuna

Katie Holmes actually looks like a living thing here - Just Jared

Why JLove is single - Lainey Gossip

50 Cent works out like a woman - Hollywood Rag

Chris Martin's puppet should permanently replace the real thing - Popbytes

Best Photoshop job ever - Cityrag

I knew MiserAlba had some inner bitchery to back up her constant cuntface. The other night while she was at some event in DC, a Fox News producer asked her some shit about Bill O'Reilly. MiserAlba smiled (!!!!!) and said he was "kind of an a-hole." When the producer asked what Bill had done to deserve that title, she said, "I don't know how he does it...maybe he was born that way." The producer then asked her for an example of Bill's a-holeness and she responded, "Um, no. Then that means I'm admitting I actually watched FOX."

MiserAlba almost received 5 gold stars from me until she couldn't name any examples. That would've been easy. All she had to do was shout, "WE'LL DO IT LIVE! FUCKIT! FUCKING THING SUCKS!"

And she also loses a few points for trying to get all Nancy Grace on a bitch during another event in DC. Control Room Eeeeelizabeth is not amused.

VIA UsWeekly

Anybody who reads my shit on a semi-regular basis knows my crazy fascination with EYEBROWS. If you're a chick, it's the first thing I look at it. If you're a dude, I look at the peen area first and then the eyebrow area. Because of this, these pictures have been forwarded to my inbox at least ten hundred thousand million times. That's a lowball figure too. I'm sure you've seen them the same amount of times, if not more.

So, let's keep the eyebrow worship going. It is your duty to send all these pictures to everyone in your address book every day this week! If you don't, your eyebrows will fall off in your sleep tonight. They will be ashamed to be associated with you and quit your ass. Yes, your friends may break up with you, but what's more important? Friendships or eyebrows? The answer is hanging over your eyes.

P.S. - Open post = Talk about whatever the fuck you want!

Star Magazine is asking the ten peso question: "Whereeeeee are the twin messiahs?!" I figured they were busy teaching the philosophies of Saint Angie Jo to orphans or maybe discovering the cure for cancer in their own holy butt nuggets. According to Star, the twins have been sickly. Silly, Star! God babie s don't get sick!

A source said that Brad and St. Angie are keeping the twins away to protect their health. Some source said, "They haven't been the healthiest babies. Angie is being neurotic with Knox and Viv. She won't let anyone near them without sanitizing their hands and taking off their shoes. She's really freaking out."

I'm sure Angie makes everyone bathe in holy water before they get near her family. But that doesn't mean the twinsies are sick. Now, I have some experience as a mother since I practically raised the Shiba Inu 6. Yes, I did it by webcam, but I still feel I played a vital part in raising them to become the responsible puppies they are today. No, I didn't feed them or cuddle with them, but I was practically with them every second! And in my experience, babies sleep a lot. A FUCKING LOT. That's all they do. They shit, eat, cry and sleep. They are like me with a hangover. So I know this is a silly thought, but maybe the twin gods are just being babies by sleeping in their cribs 22-hours a day? Yeah, craaaazy thought.

After going through a security check at an airport in Berlin, Tommy Girl created an eyeball rolling wave by kissing his robobride in front of the pappies. I'm shocked that the security equipment didn't burst into flames from the intense levels of fakery.

You can see the craziness swirling inside Tommy's eyes just before he's about to kiss a girl on the lips (ewwwwww). He's using his hypnotic alien powers to help him imagine Katie's mouth lips as David Beckham's dirt star. Or maybe he's picturing that pink gay bunny with an eyepatch that got thrown out of his premiere? Isn't it heartbreaking that they can't be together? Forbidden love!