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When did Jakey go from having bottom arms to top arms? Or maybe I was asleep during that part of class. Damn. I didn't know you could get muscly-like arms from playing with Barbies all day with the girlfriends. He must be playing with Bratz. Those heifers are fatter. You know, I never got the urge to put my tongue in his peen hole like some of you whores, but now that he has those made-for-sex-arms...

Here's Jakey being sexy hot and knowing it while jogging with some dudes today. You know "Running Back to You" by Vanessa Williams is bumping in his head. NUFF SAID!

On the Really Broke Housewives of Atlanta, Sheree said she expected to get a seven-figure divorce settlement from her ex-husband Bob Whitfield. Last year, Sheree got a divorce settlement which included a lump sum of $775,000, $1 million property, a little bit of his retirement plan and $2,142 a month in child support. That's not enough for Sheree, so she appealed that bitch all the way to the Georgia Supreme State Court where it will be heard on Monday.

According to Sheree's lawyer, she's only a high school graduate with barely any skills, so she has no way of making any kind of substantial income for herself or kids. She gets about $113k a year from the divorce, but says it's not enough for her to continue to be a member of "Atlanta's elite." UGH. I hate when she says that.

Before you stamp Sheree with the "greedy dumb bitch" stamp (available at Michael's), listen to me. Sheree needs money to take her truly faaaaabulous couture line "She by Sheree" to the "next level." Ugh. I hate when she says that too. Yes, Sheree said she wants to be an independent woman, but she needs her ex-husband's cash in order to become one. It doesn't make sense to us, but we're not part of Atlanta's elite like Sheree is. We just don't understand.

But seriously, if Sheree wants quick money, she needs to team up with Kim Zolciak for a duet of "Tightrope." There's two tightropes....

By the way, this is what Sheree's fellow Bravo reality star, Carla from Top Chef, thinks of this fuckery:

Source

Thanks Katie

When you break up with a bitch. Sometimes they want a sweater they left at your house. Or maybe a dildo they left in your ass. Whatever. Well, this dumb bitch right here wants his kidney back. The kidney he gave to his wife in 2001 because she was suffering from renal failure. Some bitches...

Dr. Richard Batista, a vascular surgeon from Long Island, is suing his estranged wife Dawnell Batista (totally hot name) for his kidney back or $1.5 million for the price of his organ. Unfortunately for Dr. GeniusBrains it's pretty much impossible for her to give him back his kidney since it's fucking illegal. His lawyer said, "Of course he wouldn't really ask for that but the value of it."

Dr. DumbFuck and Dawnell were married in 1990. They have two kids together. He agreed to give her his kidney after two transplants quit on her. He claims that after the surgery worked, Dawnell (seriously, that's a hot name) began doing sex to her therapist. HA! Fucking another dude with your husband's kidney inside you. I love this heartless (but kidneyful) bitch!

Four years after the kidney transplant, Dawnell filed for divorce and asked for custody of their kids. That's what triggered Dr. MoronFace to ask for his organ back. He claims he hasn't seen much of his kids, because of her. He told reporters, "There's no deeper pain you can ever express than to be betrayed by the person you devoted your life to. I saved her life. But the pain is unbearable."

Yes, and the pain she will suffer from losing a kidney will be totally bearable. All she has to do is pop a Tylenol, put a warm compress on her back and walk it off.

If by some fucked up miracle he wins, the whole kidney or even half of it, I'm going to sue all my ex-boyfriends for their peens. That was the only good shit about them and I took care of their dicks more than they did. I washed them, sang to them, cuddled with them and kissed them goodnight and good morning. They belong to me.

P.S. - I totally want my wedding picture to look like Richard and Dawnell's. It completely fits the theme of my fantasy late-80s wedding......even though this was taken in 1990. Hey, they're from Long Island!

Which reality star announced in the middle of a business lunch, “Whoops, just got my period!” — and then kept eating as if nothing had happened? (Gatecrasher)

Spencer Pratt? Obviously.

Which pothead actor is seeking refuge for harder drugs in a NYC rehab center? The toker couldn’t quite kick the nose-candy habit. (Gatecrasher)

Mercury poison victim Jeremy Piven?

Which celebrity pastor - who is pals with several noted dignitaries - better start praying that his hypocrisy isn’t exposed? Like many religious conservatives, he loves to preach about family values and he has spoken out against same-sex marriage. Meanwhile, behind his own family’s mega-mansion is a guest house where our preacher cozies up with his own special male companion. (BlindGossip)

OMG. Please let it be Joel Osteen! Please! I want his wife to have another mega meltdown!

Which paunchy Hollywood star, with a taste for eastern European hookers, makes his poor overworked PA book him different girls every day of the week during trips abroad? (3am Girls)

Rosie O'Donnell. Seriously, Jack Nicholson?

Which star athlete is having an affair with one of his teammates? In the macho world of sports, homosexuality is rarely discussed. However, these two teammates - one much more high profile than the other - have been practically joined at the hip for the past several months. Both are married, and both of their wives are in for a nasty shock if they find out. Team managment does know, and is seriously considering trading the lesser player to prevent a full-blown public scandal that might diminish their star’s reputation and ticket sales. (Blind Gossip)

This is a good one, but I don't know bitches in sports at all. Maybe Becks, but I never got the "I like peen" vibe from him.

Image Source (Thanks Joyce)

Round 1 is over! Dr. Drew loosened his tie to try to catch La Pequeña, but that little slut got away from him and will go on to the finals with 38% of the votes. It's time for round 2. I have a feeling this one is going to be a total landslide, but I've been surprised before. Same as the first one. You have 24 hours to vote. Voting is in the right sidebar and the winning slut will be announced tomorrows. Your choices are:

May: Michelle Duggar - The bitch with the vag that won't quit!
June: Michael Ian Black - A wet hot American slut!
July: Jenni Pulos - The luckiest reality star around for getting to be soooo close to Jeff Lewis!
August: Spaghetti Cat - Bow down!

Coco Chanel is digging herself out of her own grave to come beat this twat - Hollywood Tuna

Mischa Barton posted staged bikini pictures of herself in a bid for her relevancy - Egotastic!

Lady Gaga's acoustic version of "Poker Face" isn't completely shitty - Towleroad

Pitt on a bike - Popsugar

Happy Birfday, Zahara - Lainey Gossip

Playboy needs some of this (NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Taylor Lautner is still Jacob in the Twilight sequel. Whatever that means.... - Just Jared

Drunky Alba - Cityrag

I'm afraid SamRo's chopstick legs make break during scissor sessions - Hollywood Rag

An artiste named Alex Gardega wishes to do harm to the world by painting a 6-foot nude portrait of Rachael Ray using paprika and oils. Alex described her as "charming and sexy." Please tell me he's painting it with his mouth, because he's in a straitjacket. Anybody who thinks this ho is charming and sexy needs to spend a few moons in a padded cell.

A nude of Rachael Ray is only allowed if you use the ashes of charred up souls only found on the grounds in the ninth circle of hell.

And where the fuck will you hang a nude of Rachael Ray anyway? I guess, in your bathroom. If you've ever got the no-poops, you can look at her paprika snatch and your butt will instantly begin barfing.

Source: Page Six