Archives

Lady CaCa and Gay Fish's "Fame Kills" tour has officially been be-headed and now it's running around the backyard looking for a mic to snatch. Live Nation announced that the show will not go on and they will refund all tickets.

They didn't give a reason, but I'm guessing that there weren't enough dressing rooms in any of the venues to house both of their egos. Shit, this planet is barely big enough to hold both of their egos. They will both have to start renting storage space on other planets soon.

But seriously, this is probably the result of yet another Kanye West hissy fit. He probably walked in on Lady CaCa in the middle of a tuck and took a good look at her erect hermie peen. This set him off, because we all know her dick is bigger than his. Kanye immediately starving waving his fins and shouting shit like, "WHY DOES SHE HAVE A BIG DICK AND I DON'T?! WHY DIDN'T ANYONE OFFER ME A BIG DICK?! I QUIT THIS BITCH!" That's exactly what happened.

Source: Associated Press

Is it too soon for a reality talent show that is looking for a dancer that can move just like Michael Jackson? While we're all screaming "YES," Jermaine Jackson is nodding his Max Headroom head "NO," because he's going to judge one over in the UK. SANTO DIOS!

Later this year, Jermaine will be the main judge on the BBC show Move Like Michael Jackson. The six-episode show will feature dancers who can moonwalk and crotch grab just like the King of Pop. The melting caramel square said in a statement, "Michael was a superb dancer who inspired people across the world to master his moves and create their own unique routines....AND I NEED A CHECK." That last part was improv, just so you know.

The most shocking thing about all of this is that Joe Jackson's hand is not anywhere near it. I sniffed the story thoroughly and didn't smell Blu-Ray dust or bull dog snot, so Joe is definitely not involved.

And there's really no need for this reality show since we all know who has "Michael Jackson moves" like nobody else:

Only kinky fuckery goes down at the ‘Fiesta DC’ Latino block-party and now here's proof! Wonkette posted this picture of The Washington Post's mascot getting dressed in a parking lot behind an apartment building while some chick (Monica Lewinsky?) helped him out. Don't even try to figure out what ole' boy on the right is doing. Let's not travel to that land.

You thought pulling pubes out of your teeth after a beej session was annoying, can imagine what the furry fluffer had to go through after this shit? Homegirl probably got fleas in her mouth! Bitch had to chew on Frontline pills for days.

And you can tell by the look in the dog's wonky eyes that she is all teeth. WHY! WHY? WHY!

P.S. - She was just helping him get dressed or sewing up a hole in his costume. I think.

Kate Gosselin isn't going to let a maxi-pad in Ed Hardy rags get in the way of money pouring into her checking account each week. After Jon had a tantrum in the form of a letter to TLC telling them to stop shooting his kids or he'll devour them whole (he will), Kate made her pet possum transcribe her own statement. While reading Kate's statement, picture an angry possum typing away at an old timey typewriter. It'll make it a lot more entertaining:

"I'm saddened and confused by Jon's public media statements. Jon has never expressed any concerns to me about our children being involved in the show and, in fact, is on the record as saying he believes the show benefits our children and was taping on Friday with the kids."

"I check in regularly with each of the kids to be sure they want to participate in and continue with the show and will continue to do so. I do the show for my family because I believe it provides us opportunities we wouldn't otherwise have. Jon used to share that belief until as recently as the day the network announced the name change of the show and indicated that Jon would have a lesser role in the show. It appears that Jon's priority is Jon and his interests. My priority remains our children and their well-being."

A simple "FUCK OFF JON" would've achieved the same effect and had less wear and tear on the poor possum's paws.

And by "check in regularly with each of the kids," she means that she denies them water until they tap and smile for the cameras! Sing louder, child army! Mama's got a possum to feed!

Emma Watson, whose brain is currently taking classes at Brown, wanted to booze it up at a football game like any other college student, but some hos at Harvard just wouldn't let her get her buzz on in peace! They had to get in her LIFE!

Page Six reports that right before a game between Brown and Harvard, this blog post went up on The Harvard Voice's website:

We will be Live-Tweetin' the game and possibly stalking Emma Watson, so keep your eyes peeled for that, too!

When the game started, so did the Tweets! The Harvard Voice's Twitter page busted out gems like: "Let's go Hermione! Lolz" and "In enemy territory. Lookin for a certain witch." After they finally found Emma in the stadium, they posted a picture of her and declared their mission a success. When some hos complained about the liveblog, The Voice's editor said the whole thing was "blown out of proportion."

This is my question, where were these eagle-eyed stalkers at Harvard when I went to see Harry Potter in Equus last year? While I was straining my damn eyeballs trying to find Harry's peen in that dark ass theater, they could've used their skills to point that shit out to me right away. Seriously, they need to leave that Hermione girl alone and use their powers for good. Good like finding wizard dick in a dark theater.

Normally, I have to take an Excedrin and down an entire Red Bull to try to understand RiRi's fashion choices, but she is finally speaking my language here. The language of Slutanese. RiRi kept it demure in a peek-a-boo dress while making her way to a fashion show in Paris yesterday.

Women and men should always wear outfits that allow your nippes and/or genitals to make a cameo appearance. Ladies, sometimes your labia lips want to pop out and wave to the public. Give them that option. It's their right! Don't keep your labia down!

I guess this actress is C list. She probably used to be B. Was once on a very famous television show with an ensemble cast that has moved on to lots of better things. Our actress has always had a squeaky clean image because of that popular show. Right now she focuses on movies and gets leads in straight to DVD features. When she is all made up she looks fabulous. When you catch her in her trailer smoking meth though she looks like the strung out junkie she is who has no problems f**king anyone who gives her money for drugs. (CDAN)

Yeah, my first thought was Betty White too, but she is A-list now and forever.

This item will be short and sweet, just like this adorable TV actress. Although she’s petite, this girl apparently makes a big impression wherever she goes. There’s a famous NBA player - known for being a bad boy – who can’t stop talking about her since he met her. In his own words, “She’s exactly the right height to give me a b* j*.” (Blind Gossip)

This is why I wish I was short sometimes. Being tall is hard on the knees. Does Kim Kardassian count as a TV "actress"? Shit, does she count as "adorable"? My guesses are Hayden Panatroll, Kirstin Chenoweth (HA) and Selene Luna?

We know plenty of Celebs call the paps or give them a heads up to where they’re going to be. That happens all the time. Sometimes, they even pretend like they are annoyed by it. What is a little more unusual is when a celeb alerts the paparazzi that they are going to be somewhere, and instead of showing up, have their unsuspecting rival caught in an unflattering situation, say with no makeup or with caught in a scandalous affair. Can you guess the caller and the rival that has been snapped lately? It won’t be too hard if you keep up on your Celeb gossip. (BuzzFoto via Gawker)

Kim Kardassian and Wonky? Or Phoebe Price and Quween on the Scene?

Eva Longwhoria dressed up as "Moe Howard going to a costume party as a tranny Romulan" in Citizen K Magazine - Egotastic!

Julianne Hough's adorable dog better be getting paid for putting on that dress - Hollywood Tuna

The Real Dumb Fucks of Orange County - Towleroad

Brit Brit is completely pure and virginal in white (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

A deaf mute would probably give more intelligible driving instructions than Bob Dylan - Celebitchy

Village of the Damned - Holy Moly!

Jakey G is sweatin' like a power bottom's ass after an all-night orgy - Just Jared

Here's some investment advice: Don't invest in GOOP! - Lainey Gossip

B.Coop looks so butch (not really) on the set of The A-Team - Popsugar

But where is Alice Snuffleupagus as Joan? - Popeater

Hello Nippy slips galore - Cityrag

ScarJo & Pete Yorn in Rolling Stone - Popoholic

Sucio - Hollywood Rag

Yes, MiserAlba Jr., we feel the same way about your mom's hair - I'm Not Obsessed

Adrianne Curry thinks we should be able to buy heroin at Rite-Aid - ICYDK

Topless wolves in FUGGS - Socialite Life

If Fran Fine and Amy Wino's crackhive had a love child who was exposed to toxic levels of perm solution for hours on end, it would look just like this woman who was on Judge Judy yesterday. The case was about BB guns or something, but who really cares. As soon as this picture of class and elegance walked into the courtroom with hair that massages the toes of angels, Judge Judy should've declared her the winner. You might want to put on a BB pellet-proof vest when you watch the clip below, because witnessing her beauty in motion feels like a shot to the soul.

(Thanks Lisa)

Top Chef's Padma Lakshmi has come down with a case of the babies. Padma's rep confirms the news to UsWeekly. They said this:

"Model, author, and Emmy-nominated Padma Lakshmi confirms that she is carrying her first child after years of struggling with endometriosis, a cause for which she has co-founded the Endometriosis Foundation of America. As a result of her condition, this pregnancy has been referred to by her physician as nothing short of a medical miracle, and due to its delicate nature, we ask/implore the press to respect Ms. Lakshmi's privacy at this time."

This is why publicists are hilarious. "Model, author, and Emmy-nominated...." HA! The next time I'm at Starbucks and they ask my name, I'm going to say, "Slut, whore, and cunt Michael K."

The rep wouldn't say who the father is, but knowing Padma the dude has grey pubic hairs and is richer than Beyonce's weavemaster (I'm looking at you, Tom Colicchio).

And you better believe that on the next season of Top Chef, the challenges will include making an amuse bouche for toddlers, a trio of baby food and a 4-course meal out of pickles and ice cream.