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Fergie is giving it to us on a shiny toilet seat! Bitch is setting herself up! WWD says that the Dutchess of Diapers has a signed a multi-year deal with Avon, and her first project with them will be a fragrance. For real, Fergie must love people taking the piss out of her.

Fergie's fragrance will be out next year. It will available through your local Avon lady (there's two in every family) or you can buy it in urinal cake form at any gas station off the highway.

They haven't come up with a title yet, but methinks they can't choose between "Meth Meth Lemonade" or "Eau De Ewww."

Dora the Explorer and Strawberry Shortcake already have eating disorders and lost the fat, so it was only a matter of time before Rainbow Brite followed. Hallmark has sent Rainbow Brite to the plastic surgeon, stuck some extensions in hair, got her a make-up makeover at the MAC counter, and is sending her back to work beginning next year. Rainbow Brite used to look like an adorable roly poly girl, and now she looks like a chick who will try to give you a light show with her glow sticks while you're rolling on E at a rave. I can deal.

However, I cannot deal with Hallmark replacing Rainbow Brite's main gays with a trio of furry dingle berries. I mean, the old Rainbow Brite loved her gays, and the new one apparently loves hairy nutsacks with arms and legs. Yeah, no.

And if Hallmark really wants to push Rainbow Brite out on the ho stroll to compete with professional prostitots like the Bratz dolls, they are going to need to try harder. Rainbow Brite is going to need a pair of rainbow bitties, as well as a pair of lucite heels (with a rainbow light in the paltform, of course).

On last night's Celebrity Jeopardy, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar thought he was the answer to a question, but he wasn't. Oh, Kareem! Shortly after the show aired, Kareem issued this statement: "Balloon Boy's dad made me do it for...a show."

In Kareem's defense, if I had a sex stick in spectacles staring at me, I'd get the vapors in my privates and eff up the question too.

If you fart really loud in a crowded room, a TV executive will pitch you a reality show about it, so it's no surprise that Balloon Boy's family might get a reality show out of all this fuckery. TMZ says that the Heene family began pitching a reality show to the networks months ago. They billed themselves as a "wacky family," and approached the company who produces Wife Swap. When they got shot down there, they took their idea to TLC. TLC confirmed that the Heenes did come at them, but their show idea was turned down.

Since all the networks farted on their idea, maybe the Heenes felt they needed to pull some real shit to get noticed. The "popping a kindergarten class out of your vagina" thing has already been done, so they got creative. However, the police announced today that they completely believe that it was not a hoax and that the Heenes are telling the truth. The police also confirmed that after the balloon went up in the air, Daddy Heenes called 911 first and then called a local TV station. Daddy Heenes told the cops that he knew the local news station had a helicopter and could monitor the balloon. The police will interview the family again tomorrow after all the morning vomit has cleared.

So back to the reality show thing, I think we all should get one. ALL OF US! I mean, I should be able to turn on my TV and see you in your cubicle reading this while scratching your crotch and smelling it. You should be able to watch me pluck my nose hairs in the morning and eat microwaveable oatmeal out of a large yogurt container. Reality shows for everyone!

But if the Heenes MUST be on a reality show, they obviously need to go on Hoarders. Here's their garage:

After they are done with Hoarders. They can pay a little visit to Intervention. Their addiction? FAMEWHOOOOORING.

Do you think Hugh Jackmeoff took that pinata home and wacked it good with his wooden bat? - Towleroad

If you told me this picture of Halle Berry was from 10 years ago, I'd believe you. Chick don't age. - Egotastic!

Mimi is in Hello Kitty heaven - Lainey Gossip

But of course, Beyonce had to show up to ruin Mimi's buzz - Just Jared

Padma Lakshmi is indeed pregnant! You can tell by her..err...bumps - Hollywood Tuna

Our Lady of Cheetos named "Mom of the Year." And no, the title wasn't given to her by the Gas Station Owners Association - Popsugar

David Gest knows his way around a puffy paint tube - Holy Moly!

Ceiling Eyes at the MTV Latin America Awards. You know, because she's so Latin and all (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Nicolas Cage loves babies, but hates taxes - Cityrag

The Brangie holy family eats a dinner which consists of the three 3 Cs: chips, chocolate and cheese. Where can I get an application to join their army? - Celebitchy

Alessandra Ambrosio might be wearing one of the fug dresses from last night's Project Runway - Popoholic

George Michael and Kenny Goss are obviously still doing sexy times since they are walking next to each other down the street - Socialite Life

If Melissa Rycroft wants attention, she better get in a weather balloon and go flying - Popeater

Pamela Anderson looking like a Kids Inc. back-up dancer who just can't let go - Hollywood Rag

JLo catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror - ICYDK

Lindsay Lohan actually peeled herself off the floor before noon this morning (she probably never went to bed) to appear before a judge in Beverly Hills. Blohan was summoned there after the judge learned she might have fucked up her probation by not showing up to an alcohol education class she was supposed to complete. In case you care, she pleaded no contest to two DUIs a little while ago.

Since she didn't complete the terms of her probation, the judge could have stuck her in a jail cell, but instead decided to give her another chance even though she was 90 minutes late to the hearing. People says that the judge extended her probation for another year so that she could finally complete Booze Ed 101. The judge said she's "rooting for" Blohan and hopes she can do what she's supposed to do.

It's a good thing she's Lindsay Lohan, and not one of us. Because if this one of us, we'd be biting on a bar of soap right now while getting tag-teamed in the prison community shower stall. Actually, that sounds like one of my recurring dreams. If I was her, I'd go with that option as long as they gave me plenty of double-layer condoms, lube and Visine to get the red out of my asshole.

Maybe I had too many glasses of coke and coffee (don't judge, they drink it in Europe), but these pictures of the star of It Could Happen To You posing with two fresh out of the babies are pretty hilarious. These pictures are from a charity event held at the Bath Royal United Hospital in England. Nicolas Cage was there to help raise funds for a new BABY!!! unit. Who knew Nicolas was such a big fan of BABIES? Yes, the baby on the right might have a broken neck, but who cares?! Nicolas Cage is holding her!

Wait, I think I know what's going on here. The members of the baby army must have been impressed by Nicolas' fighting skills in Bangkok Dangerous, so they recruited him to train them. NICOLAS IS ONE OF THEM!!!!!

Cyndi Lauper had the frowns in NYC the other day for two reasons: a) Captain Lou went off to heaven and b) Cyndi has to look at Donald Trump's hairy hemorrhoid head for the next few weeks. You see, Cyndi is part of the cast of Celebrity Apprentice which started shooting this week. And by the looks on some of their faces you can tell they wish they were being shot...literally.

The rest of the cast includes Sharon Osbourne, Bret Michaels, his My Little Bandanna Weave, Curtis Stone, Rod Blagojevich, Maria Kanellis (some WWE chick), Holly Robinson Peete, Darryl Strawberry, Bill Goldberg (some wrestler-type), Carol Leifer, and Summer Sanders (a gold medalist swimmer).

Hopefully, Tilda Swinton will find a way to break into the boardroom (Tip to Tilda: Disguise yourself as Ivanka's old nose) to wreak havoc.