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The permanent wart on Sarah Palin's ass cheek, Levi Johnston, is getting ready to show us his trunk and berries (hopefully) on Playgirl. Levi's trainer told People that he's training for the big event by spending time in the gym and eating loads of moose meat. And no, he doesn't mean the kind of "moose meat" that is attached to a dude and spits back at you. No, he's eating actual moose meat.

Levi's trainer said, "Moose meat is very good for you, high in protein and very lean. He's an avid hunter, so he has his own. I'm not trying to give him a body builder's look. He's going to be more toned and more defined. I'd like to see him with rounder and more muscular shoulders, with a fuller chest. We're going to firm his abs up, [and give him a] smaller waist."

Um. Levi does know about a little invention called Photoshop, right? And I hope he also knows that eating moose meat isn't going to make him hung like a moose. Wait, or will it? Excuse me while I go and organize a dinner party for the dudes of NYC where I will only serve moose cake.

Jermaine Jackson's ex-wife Alejandra Jackson filed a lawsuit against him because she claims he has stopped paying child support for his two kids, Jermajesty (I really can't with that name) and Jaffar (that one too). According to TMZ, Alejandra says that Jermaine claims that he only made $35k in 2008, but that must be a lie since he's still living in a fancy house and driving a fancy car. Fancy Jermaine is keeping his kids unfancy. That's not right.

In the documents, Alejandra states that Jermaine owes $35,500 in child support. Alejandra is in such a bad way that Jermaine's own mother helps her out by giving her gift cards to Ralph's grocery store so that she can buy food for the boys.

Okay, how is Jermaine going to do his kids like that? That greasy nugget already committed child abuse by naming them his boys Jermajesty and Jaffar, and now he's not going to put food in their mouths?! A dude with a name like Jermajesty should be sleeping on a throne made of solid gold and eating truffles wrapped in Filet Mignon. Jermajesty better change his name to Jerpauper! How dreadful.

Fun fact: Alejandra is the pass-around-pussay of the Jackson family, because she also has three kids with Randy (ESCANDALO!!!). Bitch probably thought she would be swimming in dollars by getting with, count 'em, TWO Jacksons. Homegirl got checked! (insert sad gold digger face here)

I know it was confirmed that recent Twitter drop-out Miley Cyrus was going to be in the next Sex and the City movie, but I didn't think they would actually go through it. Well, they have! Last night, Billy Ray's pet chipmunk shot scenes with Kim Cattrall and SJP at the Ziegfeld Theater in NYC.

SPOILER ALERT: The scenes obviously involves Samantha and Miley showing up to a movie premiere in the same exact outfit. This probably forces Samantha to run into the bathroom and make a gown out of toilet liners, maxi-pads and condom wrappers. Everything goes fine until Carrie just can't help herself and starts chewing on Samantha's dress. COMEDY!

Miley isn't the only one dropping in on the sequel. SATC2: Attack of the Dry Lady Parts also features cameos by Liza Minnelli, Barbara Streisand, Tim Gunn, and Penny Cruz.

On Mah Boo 369me last night, Anderson Cooper and his homegirls discussed the barf felt around the world. Since Mah Boo has the intellect of Einstein and the instinct of Det. La Toya, he knows that the Heenes are obviously trying to wrap their UFO-loving paws around a reality show deal. Mah Boo even says that if they aren't trying to become the next reality show darlings, he will "marry Michael K in a wedding officiated by Chicken Cutlets with the Empress of Lucite as our witness and a reception catered by Spaghetti Cat." You heard him say that! HE DID!

So those Heenes need to get in front of GOD, ALLAH, BUDDHA, CHEESUS and JOAN COLLINS and swear those rumors about them whoring themselves out for a reality show are untrue. Then they all need to hide in the attic until Phoebe Price declares me as the new Mr. Mah Boo.

The Daddy of the Year (Jon Gosselin, take notes) and his 9 chirruns - Spread this sappy ass story on your hangover, and then yank it off really fast. It will stop the room from spinning and the barfs from traveling up your throat tunnel. It will!

A chihuahua daddy with a deformed leg (awwww) arrived at an Animal Care Services building in Texas with his 9 baby friends (double awww) looking for help. The chihuahua daddy was so determined to get his family to safety that he led all of them across a busy highway even though he has an effed up leg (triple awwwww). Employees at the ACS said this is the first time that a dog actually came in by himself without being brought in by a person or officer (quadruple aww).

The ACS think the dogs were dumped off on the side of the road by some evil doers. All of them are doing fine now even though that have a bad case of mange and ringworm (aka Wino-itis). It will take a few months to treat them, but they will be available for adoption after that.

I hope whoever adopts their asses keeps them all together. Don't force the daddy chihuahua with a deformed leg to make a SOPHIE'S CHOICE.

Source (via Fark)

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