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Well, what do we have here? Randy Jackson (not the "Yo dawg" dude from American Idol) seems to think that he has Detective La Toya's skills for uncovering the truth and discovering the answer to life's great mysteries. Ugh. I expected Jermaine to try to steal La Toya's shine, but not Randy!

According to TMZ, Randy says that something in the milk ain't clean about Michael Jackson's will. Michael signed it on July 7, 2002 in Los Angeles, but Randy says this is impossible since his brother was all the way in NYC at the time. The lawyer for Michael's estate, Howard Weitzman, says that the witnesses were with Michael Jackson when he signed his will, but he would not say if all of them were in NYC or L.A. at the time.

Of course, Rev. Al Sharpton has piped in to confirm that Michael was with him in NYC on the 7th. The two of them attended a protest against Tommy Mottola who was under fire for allegedly discriminating against Black artists. Rev. Al says he will plans to speak to the family about this.

While I think it's endearing that Randy wants to play detective, he needs to put the toy magnifying glass away, and let the professional do her job! Unless, Randy is afraid that La Toya will discover the real truth, which is that he's just mad he's nowhere in the will. Yeah, more than likely.

Anyway, here's La Toya on her night off from crime-solving leaving a lavish dinner at Chili's. Okay, she was really leaving some Thai restaurant and she was wearing a gown from Windsor's, because she was at Dancing with the Has-Beens before.

Amy Wino's daddy Mitch not only confirmed that his daughter got her chichis pumped up, but he also said that they look "great."

On the British TV show This Morning (via People), Mitch Wino was asked how the former Crackie of Camden is doing, and he responded with, "Fantastic, fantastic. Her boobs are great as well. I shouldn't have said that should I? She looks absolutely fantastic." Mitch also wanted everyone to know that he didn't pay for his daughter's tit job.

I really shouldn't put Mitch in the same category as Papa Joe just yet. If a reporter asked Papa Joe about his daughter's breast situation, he would've busted into a crotch seizure, and then ran to the nearest liquor store to cool his bits on a block of ice. As far as I know, Mitch's privates stayed calm.

The Insider seems to be the new WWE! A couple of weeks ago, Nancy Grace gave Jon Grosselin a concussion without even getting out of her chair and now it's NeNe's turn! The Real Housewives of Atlanta's resident bitch slapper went head to head with Michael Lohan in an episode that airs tonight. Michael Lohan thought his mouth was a weapon of mass destruction, but he's never met NeNe before. Bitch bombs him before he can even get a sentence out.

Michael tries to make a few fat jokes, but the message barely gets to NeNe's ears since she's too busy blasting him. It doesn't take long before Michael's turtle head retreats back into his shell. I was hoping that the Fight Queen of Muni would've drop-kicked him out of the studio.

And if you press your ear to your window, you can still hear NeNe shouting "TOXIC PARROT" all the way from L.A.

Note: Yes, I know her ass is saying "parent," but it's much more entertaining and fitting if you pretend she's saying "parrot."

36-year-old T.R. Knight is no longer humming into the peen hole of 20-year-old Mark Cornelsen, because they have broken up. Some source (aka Katherine Hagel's big ass mouth) told InTouch Weekly (via E! Online) that the 2-year relationship just ran its course. There was no big gay drama involved. Maybe T.R. got tired of waking up in the middle of the night to Mark's cries for milk. Who knows.

The source added that T.R. is moving from L.A. to NYC very soon to pursue Broadway shit, and Mark never planned on going with him.

This break-up makes me a little sad. I never like to see a fellow wallet fucker fail at their mission. Poor Mark was probably wiping his ass with some fancy ten-ply toilet paper, and now he has to settle for the stuff that gives you crack rash. Gold digger TEARS!

The broke down version of Posh & Becks fug up London Fog - Just Jared

Miranda Kerr has a nipple, and here it is - Egotastic!

And so does Hilary Duff! Imagine that! - Hollywood Tuna

Even Ryan Gosling lifting things bring on the panty pudding - Lainey Gossip

Shakira continues her transformation into the South American Sasha Fierce (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Glamberace brings the raw emotion in a new video for that disastrous 2012 movie - Towleroad

January Jones petting her black pussy. It was too easy. - Popsugar

Toke and Treat - Cityrag

Kelly Brook is actually wearing clothes - Holy Moly!

Paulina Rubio or a Mimi/Fergie hybrid monster? - Hollywood Rag

Blake Lively just got a little tinted coke on her chest. No biggie! - Celebitchy

America's own nuclear weapon has already been released - ICYDK

The Bachelor and his second choice are engaged - SOW

Holly from The Office had a baaaaaaaby - I'm Not Obsessed

You would know if Kanye West died, because if he did, your CAPS LOCK key would call in sad today - Socialite Life

R.I.P. Dr. No - Popeater

Since it's Tommy Girl Day (aka Alien Queef Day) on Dlisted, here's a hilarious quote from UsWeekly. At a Scientology event in England last week, Tommy got all huffy over protesters outside of the venue. Tommy reportedly told a friend:

"They're squirrels. Stuck in an electronic incident. It makes me so angry!"

Tommy Girl getting angry makes all of laugh. Even the squirrels! Speaking of, in Scientology jargon, a "squirrel" is a bad bad traitor. Specifically, a bad traitor who changes the techniques of Scientology. So Tommy really BURNED them. You go, girl!

And Katie Holmes probably wishes her squirrel was stuck in an "electronic incident," because it probably hasn't creamed since 2006.

(Image VIA ICHC)

For just $39.95 you can buy a toddler's swing and use it as a tool to help you achieve an orgasm that will make your nipples pop off and eardrums bust. At least that's what this ad and website for the G-Thrust claims. According to the makers, the G-Thrust helps your man find the spot that makes you see stars. But after watching the clip above, it looks like the G-Thrust is only good for training you not to laugh until you barf while demonstrating a totally useless fuck toy. The girl in the clip is having an orgasm filled with LAUGHS.

There's already enough pressure when it comes to sexy times, and now a bitch has to worry about balancing on a damn board?! Are you fucking, or are you competing in the balance beam finals at the Olympics? SHIT! Use that $39.95 to take your fuck friend to the Sizzler instead. Their greasy ass cheesy bread will make her have an orgasm. Guaranteed!

VIA Copyranter

A little while ago, The National Enquirer said that Rosie O's partner in pussay, Kelli Carpenter, moved out of their home and shuffled off to Manhattan. At the time, Rosie didn't say much about the rumor. Well, now she's talking to USA Today and says the two are having problems. Doesn't it make you sad in the heart thinking about Rosie's strap-on collecting dust because Kelli isn't around to give it a little attention? That one was for Donald Trump.

When asked about the gayelle drama, Rosie O said, "We're a family. We will remain a family forever. And we are working on our issues. Kelli and I love each other very much and we are working on our issues. Those are the only words I am ever going to say. Ever. And that is something that has been agreed upon by all parties. But everything's fine and everybody's good and we're still both raising them together. We will both continue to parent them and we're friendly and everything's all right."

This sounds like the two have already split on each other's splits. I've always liked Rosie, but I'm sure living with her isn't all free giveaways, rainbows and showtunes. But hopefully, Rosie and Kelli will be back to bumping 'ginas soon so that we don't have listen to Donald Trump go on and on about this. If the Trump wins, we all lose.

Here's Nicole Richie and six-week-old (Note: take a breath deep) Sparrow James Midnight Madden on the cover of People "Who Sell Their Babeh Pitchers For A Quick Buck" Magazine.

It looks like nobody has told Baby Sparrow what his name is yet. Because if he knew, he wouldn't be smiling with his eyes (aka smizin'). He would be "shanking every bitch in the room" with his eyes.

Hopefully, Nicole and Joel keep that little fact from him for as long as they can, so he will remain innocent and pure. They should call him Row Jam for short. The minute he knows his parents named him Sparrow, he will become a jaded, bitter, life-hating grouch who shakes his fist at anyone not named Sparrow. So basically, his best friends will be birds. That's doesn't sound that bad actually.