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Andre Agassi is out peddling a new memoir which means he has to drop a few bombs in our laps to get us to pay attention. You know, Mackenzie Phillips gave us the "I did my daddy" grenade and Stephanie Tanner shot us with an "I snorted meth at the Olsen's premiere" bullet. Well, Andre's big bombshell is that in 1997 he traded his tennis balls in for meth baggies. Cue the angry mob screaming, "STRIP OF ALL HIS SHINY TROPHIES DATED 1997!!!!"

In Andre's book called Open (yeah, I don't know either), he writes about how he became one with crystal meth while he was married to Brooke Shields. Andre tells People, "I can't speak to addiction, but a lot of people would say that if you're using anything as an escape, you have a problem." When he was asked if he was worried how his fans would feel about him being a meth head at one point, Andre answered, "I was worried for a moment, but not for long. ... I wore my heart on my sleeve and my emotions were always written on my face. I was actually excited about telling the world the whole story."

Excited about telling everyone he got hongray for meth? Who the hell does Andre think he is? Cristy from Intervention? Speaking of, last night they re-aired Cristy's Intervention episode and that shit had me kissing my Sharpie and clearing out my bathroom cabinet of all medications (No, I didn't do that). THIS IS METH:

Do you think Brooke has video of a nekkid-ass Andre Agassi throwing Ramen noodles across the room? Totally.

VIA People (Thanks Toddy)

Scary Spice celebrated Whore-o-ween early by leaving her hotel in London tonight dressed like...um...like....I'm not exactly sure. When I first saw these pictures I had just swallowed a grape Fanta so I was suffering from a temporary sugar haze and thought this was Katie Price sans a few layers of tan grease. Maybe that's what Mel B was going for. Or maybe she's a Real Housewives of Atlanta fan so she dressed as the broken condom baby of Sheree and Kim's wig? Who knows? But I do know that her husband's sessy red lipstick would've completed the look.

And you know Eddie Murphy made Mel dress up just like this before slapping his face with a strap-on.

Paging Nina Flowers! Paging Nina Flowers! Please report to the front to grab your look back from Glamberace. Apparently, this is really the cover for Glamberace's debut album "For Your Entertainment." I mean, we know Glamberace farts glitter and cums rainbows, but this is really on a whole new level. This looks pretty much like my cholita cousin's airbrushed t-shirt of Madonna's first album. It's like THIS PICTURE as seen through the eyes of Lisa Frank. I can't. But I will.

With all that being said, Glamberace is the prettiest tranny unicorn on Venus. Not quite "Bill Kaulitz" pretty, but almost.

VIA ONTD

Samantha Burke sold off the first pictures of her baby with Jude Law to Hello! Magazine for$300,000. This had a lot of whores (including yours truly) screaming about how she's selling out her baby so she can roll around in wads of cash. Well, Samantha bounced on her website to set the record straight:

I can confirm that after months of constant requests from the media, I decided to share pictures of myself and Sophia with Hello! Magazine. Both Sophia and I were compensated for the photographs, and will donate a portion of the compensation to the Ronald McDonald House to assist with the completion of their new facility in Pensacola, FL. The majority of the compensation, paid to Sophia, will be placed in trust for her secondary education and well-being. I’m thrilled with the pictures of Sophia and pleased to announce that she is healthy, happy and deeply loved.

SAMMY STOP! Putting a quarter in those plastic boxes in front of the McDonald's cash register does not count!

But if Samantha is telling the whole truth, it makes sense why Baby Sophia has a "THIS BITCH" face. Working for free doesn't exactly inspire a smile.

VIA Just Jared

This television guy is both a familiar name and familiar face. He’s been involved in many high-profile appearances, and is currently part of a television ensemble. It may come as a surprise to you that he drinks. Not just an after-work cocktail, mind you, but a beers-for-breakfast kind of drinker. He always comes to work prepared, but – depending on how many beers he has had – sometimes slurs his lines so badly or races through his lines so fast that he needs additional takes. Oh, and sometimes his scenes have to be re-blocked so that he is sitting down rather than standing up, because he sways too much. We haven’t heard of him doing any high-profile stints in rehab, but we do wonder what’s taking him so long. (Blind Gossip)

What I want to know is what's so bad about having beer for breakfast? It's kind of like eating a piece of toast since they are both made out of wheat....right? Right. Okay, my guesses are: Ed O'Neill? Alec Baldwin? Or Danny DeVito?

A little something different today in the blind items as it also involves a what do you think. You won't be able to get the name of the subject but you can get the name of his father. The subject is a teenager and and is the son of a singer. The singer shares the same name as a reality judge which often causes confusion. Anyway, the son met this girl and had one date. Immediately after the date the boy started texting her, phoning her, e-mailing her and driving by her house. This went on all the time. It was certainly close to stalking. So, if you are the teenage girl's parents what do you do? Do you call the boy's parents? Well they didn't. Do you call the police? Well they didn't. Do you call the tabloids and try and sell the story? Ding ding ding. We have a winner. That is exactly what they did. Their first thought was to call a tabloid and the tabloids jumped all over the story until they realized it was the son of the singer and not of the reality judge. The fact that the parents only concern in this was to make as much money as possible off the stalking of their daughter is awful. I expect the tabloids to jump all over it because that is what they do, but parents should care for their kids and not exploit them in a potentially dangerous situation. (CDAN)

This is why Randy "Not The Yo Dawg One" Jackson should have to legally change his name to Brother Of La Toya Jackson.

We hear this Celeb Couple's relationship is on the rocks due to religion. Apparently, both were of the same faith, but now one is beginning to question the whole thing. One of the partners has given the other an ultimatum: Either stop questioning, or divorce. The religious beliefs are tearing their family apart. Not Katie Holmes (BuzzFoto via Blind Gossip)

The Travoltas? The Smiths? The Jolie-Pitts (leaders of the Church of Brangelina)?

Diddy is moisturizing the sexy on a balcony in Rio (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Miranda Kerr gave her nipples the day off, and showed her nalgas instead - Egotastic!

Katy Perry's t-shirt could use another "shit" word or two - Hollywood Tuna

Jessica Simpson is in India (insert your own sacred cow joke here) - Lainey Gossip

Chris Brown's new video is like the worst GAP commercial ever - Just Jared

Let's all get stoned....just like Billy Goat Brad - Popsugar

Brit Brit is boozed and braless - Cityrag

Aunt Jodi on what it's been like re-connecting with the Gosselin kids: "To be able to love ON them has just been amazing."- Celebitchy

Jennifer Esposito is marrying the dude from Age of Love - I'm Not Obsessed

Nick Zano will jump from one caca party to another - Socialite Life

9 reasons for why dogs attack us while we sleep - SOW

Suri as Cinderella and Stepford Katie as her haggard old stepmother - Hollywood Rag

How to butch up your "lispy, prancy, faggy boy son" for Halloween - Towleroad

LSD ate Dita Ton Teese's original chichis which is why she got fakes ones put in - ICYDK

Roberto Cavalli playing around with the giant Muppet version of Chicken Cutlets - Holy Moly!

This is all sorts of not right - Buzzfeed

(Image: INFDaily.com)

Oh, Clint, I'm having one of those days too. You know, one of those days where you've got the yawns in a bad way (see thumbnail #4), so you snort a line of crushed up Vivarin pills and acetone to stay awake (see thumbnail #2). Then you realize that doing that might be causing your brain to bust into a seizure (see last thumbnail). Finally, you throw the gods above a Dirty Harry-approved shank eye (see thumbnail #7) for giving you a brain to come up with fucked up ideas like snorting Vivarin and acetone.

Here's Clint having one of those days while shooting a movie in London today.

If all the members of Duran Duran formed a circle jerk around all of Grace Jones' album covers, their cumulative cum shot would look just like this! Here's the cover of Alien Princess RiRi's new album called Rated R.

P.S. - I always knew that RiRi was a member of the Illuminati and now this confirms it.

VIA Popeater

Way before St. Angie was healing the world with her divine vagina and sucking the youth out of Brad Pitt, she had a "phone fling" with none other than Rosie O'Donnell. Once you've talked your genitals off of the ledge, read on......

On Howard Stern's show (via Popeater) the other day, Rosie O not only confirmed that she's no longer munching on Kelli Carpenter's carpet, but she also briefly talked about the phone time she spent with St. Angie. Rosie said, "We talked on the phone two or three times, but that was that. There was a tentative plan to have dinner that never came through. I was a little afraid of her. She's scary in a sexual kind of way."

What a missed opportunity for all of us. To think, we could have had Rosielina instead of Brangelina. Which means instead of crazed Brangaloonies terrorizing our lives, we would be dodging flannel-wearing, saw dust-farting Rosielinaloonies. And honestly, I'd rather be bitched out by a big butchie with a flat top. It kind of gives me the tingles, actually.

And for those you saying that St. Angie would never lick on Rosie's ham muffin, might I remind you of an elderly turtle named Billy Bob Thornton?

If Matt Roloff's face was chiseled on to Mount Rushmore, it would look just like Gordon Ramsay's mug. For some reason, Simon Cowell had an issue with that and advised Gordon to get his crevices filled. Yes, Gordon took plastic surgery advice from Simon Cowell. However, Simon's juicy fur tits are pretty hypnotizing, so I'd probably listen to him too.

42-year-old (in humans year) Gordon told The Radio Times (via The Daily Mail), "Simon Cowell suggested that now I'm a success in America, I should do something, so I had a filler put under the deep crevices. It hurt. My mother said they were smile lines. I could deal with that at 21, but not at 42."

SMILE LINES?! I'm sure that if Gordon Ramsay ever made a smiley face, they would cover it in world history class. Gordon cracking a smile is physically impossible.

While I understand that Gordon doesn't want the chin of a hemorrhoid anymore, it does concern me a little. I mean, is Gordon still going to be able to open his mouth wide enough to perfectly shout gems like, "YOU BLOODY DUMB FUCKING COW" or "YOU MOTHERCUNT FUCKING DOG SHIT ASSHOLE"? Because Gordon can't let vanity get in the way of him sharing his poetry with the world.