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Josh Duhamel might have kind of, sort of stuck his penis into a vagina that doesn't belong to his wife Fergie. That's what the National Enquirer (via Radar) is reporting and they heard it straight from the stripper whore's mouth.

Nicole Forrester, who could also be living a double life as Alison from Big Brother, claims that she sexed up Josh Duhamel earlier this month in Atlanta.

Josh was shooting a movie in Georgia, when he strolled into Tattletales Lounge with his homeboy. That's where he met Nicole who strips under the name "Delilah." According to Nicole, Josh told her his name was JD and that he was in town filming a porno. After a few drinks, Nicole got nekkid and danced for Josh and his friend. Before Josh left he asked for Nicole's phone number. A few days later, Josh rang Nicole up, invited her to his hotel room and the two got fuckalicious that night.

The Enquirer says they paid Nicole for her story, but also claim she passed a lie-detector test. Josh's rep denies the whole affair.

If this is true, then Josh needs more people! How is he going to screw on a stripper without getting her to sign a confidentiality agreement or something? Dude should have used protection in more ways than one.

Hell, Josh should have at least made Nicole swear on a pair of exquisite lucite heels that she would never utter a word. Lucite heels are sacred to titty shakers (and yours truly). If Nicole went against her word, every stripper pole would collapse as soon as she touched it.

And someone should lock Fuggie in the basement, because this rumor could cause her to reach for the pipe.

(Image via Radar)

Hailey Glassman has been very quiet the past couple of weeks. I figured she devoured a shit load of weed which gave her a serious case of laryngitis and numb fingers making it nearly impossible for her to communicate to the media. Well, Hailey is back and she's queefing about how Jon constantly punches her emotions. Now that Jon has his nutsack back the cunt tables have turned.

Hailey tells The Insider in an interview airing tomorrow night, "He'll call me and take his anger out on me. He has 'mantrums.' I shouldn't have to put up with being emotionally abused. I cry and say, 'Why are you so mean to me? Sometimes he has trouble with the truth, and he will dance and dance around his lies. He's like Jekyll and Hyde. But I still love him. I don't want to leave him all alone. At the end of the day, I love him but I dislike him at times. When I love someone I would never hurt them."

Not only does Hailey face Jon's wrath (which sounds as threatening as an angry baby turtle), but she also has to put up with people hating on her, "I met Jon in a bubble. "I'd never seen the show. I had no idea. People judge me before they meet me. I get threats everyday. I get called a home wrecker and a fat whore. People will stare or point. It gets worse everyday."

So let's go over this, shall we? Jon Grosselin is emotionally abusive, constantly does the lie lie mambo, throws something called "mantrums," violates eyeballs by wearing nothing but douche rags and also has the body of a half-deflated hippo balloon? Why is exactly is Hailey screwing on him again? Oh yeah, fame is a serious drug.

And whenever someone calls Hailey a fat home wrecking whore, she should just pull a Sienna Miller and get revenge by fucking their man.

This actor has strange taste in home décor. While all the houses in his neighborhood were painted in pretty pale pastel colors, he painted his house a dark, scary color. He received so much flack from neighbors that he repainted it in pastels less than a year later. Inside the house isn’t much better. He has sort of a comic book theme going on in several rooms of the house, complete with pictures of Superman, Batman and The Green Hornet. He’s been married more than once, probably because there aren’t many adult women who would enjoy having their home look like it was decorated by a 12-year-old boy. (Blind Gossip)

This has Nicolas Cage's barf all over it. Although, Tommy Girl is my second guess since I"m pretty sure he has a Close Encounters-themed dungeon.

This celebrity couple will soon announce that they are splitting. They will probably try for a little while to pretend the breakup is friendly. It is anything but. Apparently, the male in the relationship has had some troubles. Mostly that involve his many accounts on singles website, both for gay and straight. When his girl found them, he claimed that he was doing it ‘just for fun.’ We think the ‘fun’ he means is when he actually meets some of the people he secretly courts online. Watch for the breakup announce very soon. Not Megan Fox. (BuzzFoto)

Oh, this has a million possibilities. Let's hold our breath and then exhale all our guesses at once: Zac & Vanessa, Rachel & Hayden? Brody & Jayde? RPattz & Kristen (I'm going to get it for that one), Katie Price & Alex Reid? Vadge & Baby Jesus?

Over the weekend this aging Academy Award winner/nominee actress spent some time in an antique shop. Whether she wasn't feeling well, or had too much to drink at lunch, there was something very off and as I said very cranky about her during her shopping trip. She kept asking to see jewelry and items in various showcases and then complaining about what was wrong with all of them. She would point in the direction of an object in a showcase and if the owner didn’t instinctively take out the right item, she would “get snappy” and complain about her as well. Eventually our actress did buy something and her credit card was swiped and returned but she insisted she never received it back. She thought the store owner had kept it. She then abruptly left. A few minutes later, an assistant came back to the antique shop insisting the owner had kept the credit card and demanded its return. There was nothing to give back and the assistant finally left in a huff. (CDAN)

Diane Keaton is serious about her old shit.

Melissa Joan Hart tried to zing Jimmy Kimmel hard last night, but her efforts failed when he threw right back in her face. Melissa laughed to keep from crying and that shit definitely left a bruise. I feel Melissa's pain, because my own family members do this to me on a daily basis. That's why God invented the bong.

VIA Buzzfeed

Dear Bronx Mowgli, now is your chance to file emancipation. There's not one judge in all the land that won't rule in your favor once you crawl up to the bench and hand them this picture as EXHIBIT ALL OF THE ABOVE!

Pete Wentz lost a bet to Gabriel Saporta (of Cobra Starship) last night which cost him space on his arm. Yes, Pete got Gabriel's face tattooed on his person. Pete explained his new skidmark on his Twitter:

my head hurts. i was buzzed lightyear last night. followed thru on a gentlemens bet w/@gabrielsaporta now i have 1 more bad tattoo.

We've all made some bad decisions in life while booze was running through our system. We have the bruises and babies to prove it, but don't ever ever put the blame on the sweet nectar of the gods. Why does delicious alcohol always take the fall for natural fuckery?

And I might be a little drunk myself since I laughed at "buzzed lightyear." Ugh. There I go blaming the booze.

P.S. - Go ahead and file this picture under: Why The Fuck Do You Have a Kid?

VIA ONTD

Meet Palm Beach Sugar Daddy Ken, and he's absolutely real. Finally, Mattel has let Ken drop the act and be who he really is: A Florida florist who loves to spend his nights throwing crisp bills on the hairless buttocks of blonde twinks while an Ethel Merman record plays in the background. That bitchy cunt face he's making is absolutely perfect. He will spit at you with his eyes if your shoes don't match your purse.

The description alone sounds like it was written by Dwight from The Real Housewives of Atlanta. This is most definitely not dreadful:

"Cool sophistication in breezy Palm Beach! Sporting a dashing jacquard-patterned jacket with a light pink polo shirt and crisp white pants, Ken doll is ready for Palm Beach social season, sunning by the pool and a stroll with his little companion. Fashion designed exclusively for the Silkstone Barbie doll body (Ed note: aka Palm Beach Fag Hag Barbie). Includes Ken doll, jacket, pink polo shirt, white shoes, dog with leash, swim trunks and accessories, doll stand and certificate of authenticity. For the adult collector. Order yours today!"

If you throw a little brown hair dye on Sugar Daddy Ken, he can pass for Kevin Spacey Ken too!

VIA The Awl (Thanks Molly)

Lindsay Lohan got the quote for her new tattoo off of a Hot Topic t-shirt - Popbytes

This made my heart feel things - Towleroad

Megan Fox admits the obvious - Popoholic

Naomi from 90210 and Klutz touch lips - Popsugar

You know Jessica Simpson asked if henna tattoos come flavored - Just Jared

I really don't know shit about Miranda Kerr, but I've seen more of her body this week than my own. That might be a good thing. - Egotastic!

Heidi Montag has the perfect outfit for when she finally has to work the day shift on the ho stroll - Hollywood Tuna

This is going to hurt: ScarJo will attempt to act live in front of an audience - Lainey Gossip

No, Ronnie Wood, No, No, No, NOOOOOO - Holy Moly!

Satan must be nothing but a block of ice right now, because Pamela Anderson is actually covering her legs - Hollywood Rag

Lily Allen knows what life is about - I'm Not Obsessed

The most offensive thing about this is that Brody Jenner is wearing sweats with flip flops outside (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Colin Farrell is probably a daddy again - Celebitchy

Pfft. St. Angie is already slowly murdering Brad Pitt's hotness - ICYDK

Question of the Day: Do you know your celebrity camel toes? - Cityrag

Speaking of things you didn't need to witness today, here's Andy Dick topless - Socialite Life

(Image: Pacific Coast News)

Here's The Real Housewives of New Jersey's Teresa and Jacqueline with their brand new baby friends, Audriana and Nicholas, in this week's InTouch Weekly. No, those babies are not wearing Halloween costumes. This is their real-life-wear. Okay, Nicholas' "Ode to Brad Pitt" ensemble isn't that bad, but Audriana looks like an Anne Geddes photo shoot.

According to Teresa, I'm alone in my opinions on her baby styling skills. Teresa said, "They’re girlie-girls. They all love clothes and fashion. Everyone loves the way I dress my kids and asks where I buy the clothes. When we go shopping, they know what they like. We like Stage Left in Franklin Lakes, New Jersey, and Neiman Marcus. I’ve noticed that a lot of celebrities dress their kids very plain and simple. The baby that they say has style is Tom Cruise’s daughter, Suri, but that’s not really my style. I’m a little hipper. The producers say the way I dress the girls reminds them of Kimora Lee Simmons’ daughters."

The producers or a bunch of liars, because the way she dresses her girls reminds me of a Bath & Body Works gift basket. Teresa's the one who should be wearing a giant shower puff on her head, so it will cover up her "Gorillas in the Mist" forehead.

Lance Bass is quickly gaining my full respect as a fellow slut whore. It seems that every time I turn around Lance is off dipping his peen in a new ink jar. Here's Lance giving us one of those "Yeah, I'm Getting This" looks while dining at Miami's Pacific Time Restaurant last night with some hot piece. Apparently, the two were "canoodling" in between bites of their fish entrees. There's a "two gays walk into a seafood restaurant" joke in there somewhere.

And I wish Lance would take just one minute out from passing the penis around to do a little shopping. Because that t-shirt could double as Jon Gosselin's weekend cum rag.

While some of the members of the Jackson family were attending the This Is It premiere in Los Angeles, their pimp master Joe Jackson was honoring his son's memory by showing up to the Las Vegas premiere with two Craigslist pussy peddlers at his side. Did you really think Joe Jackson would skip out on an promotional opportunity like this?! Of course not.

And when is somebody going to take a Magic Eraser to his stache. Seriously, it looks like Toby struck again!