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JLo has decided to give the music thing another shot. She's got a new song out called "Fresh Out of the Oven," but she's releasing it under her new alter ego "Lola." That means JLo is dead, and LOLa is now here to terrorize us with her high-pitched shrills that no amount of auto-tune can hide. When JLo, I mean, JLola, hits those sky high notes, angels cut out their ear drums.

The title totally works since this song makes me want to push something fresh (it's not-so-fresh) out of my butt oven. Sorry, it was necessary. And why is JLola singing about her cookie?! Instead of singing about cookies, bitch needs to make some to give to Skeletor.

VIA Idolator

Jack Black left a medical center in Beverly Hills wearing a solo moon wolf t-shirt. I ask you, where in the hell are the other two wolves?! Were those bitches sick? Do they have laryngitis? Maybe Jack was at the clinic, because he was checking in on two sick wolfies? Or maybe he's the one with the ills since he doesn't have the magic of the three wolves protecting him?

Jack can sort of pass for a Rubenesque wolf, but it's still not the same.

The Australian show Hey Hey It's Saturday (even though it's Wednesday) welcomed Harry Connick Jr. on their live reunion show where he performed and guest judged the talent competition called Red Faces. Well, Red Faces was full of painted on black faces when a group called the "Jackson Jive" came out . And my face turned absolutely dead white. THE FUCK IS THIS?!

They had been on the show 20 years ago, and apparently were really popular, so they came back for more fuckery. The audience seemed to enjoy their asses and even brought the boos when the group was gonged. However, Harry wasn't amused. Not only did he give him them a giant ZERO, but when he got backstage, he threatened to quit that bitch. The producers and the host told Harry that they would let him say a few words about his feeling towards that shit.

Harry said, "I just wanted to say on behalf of my country, I know it was done humorously, but we’ve spent so much time trying to not make black people look like buffoons, that when we see something like that, we take it really to heart. I know it was in good fun, and the last thing I want to do is take this show to a down level—because you know how much I love this show and this country—but I feel like I’m at home here, and if I knew that was going to be part of the show, I probably—I definitely wouldn’t have done it.”

The dudes who took part in the skit still don't think it was that offensive. They said they did it as a tribute to Michael Jackson (insert THIS FACE here). One of the dudes said, "I suspect things are probably a bit different in America in terms of what that (black face) mean. I understand the history of the black face but certainly it was not construed in that way at all. All six of us discussed this at length whether or not we should put this on because we realised it may be controversial. We did go to the trouble of checking with the production staff and they seemed to ok it. Two of us come from India and one of us comes from Lebanon so we can't afford to be racist to be honest. If we did offend him (Connick) we truly didn't meant to."

I think the "Jackson Jive" needs to spend their Thursday night watching that episode of Gimme A Break! where Joey Lawrence performs in blackface at Nell's church and learns a life lesson from it. They can do that while I go and vacuum the fish tank.

VIA Scandalist

This clip of Roman Polanski getting Chris Hansen-ed on To Catch a Predator has probably already played in your dreams/nightmares last week, it's finally made it's way to YouTube. It's tardy for the party, but it's here. Dreams/Nightmares realized!

And this clip needs more iced tea...

VIA Movieline (Thanks Kevin)

A youngish film actress we all know did a bit of furniture shopping over the weekend. She was in several high end stores – accompanied by a designer – focused specifically on purchasing a pair of modern sofas in the $10,000 and up range. She found a style she liked, chose a leather fabric from among the swatches, and was told that it would be ready in several months. The star said that the time frame was ridiculous, and wanted the custom pieces in her home within a week. The sales person – and her designer – very patiently and professionally explained the process of ordering, producing and shipping custom furniture, but the star persisted in her demands. At one point, she even asked them to give her the sofas for free. Her logic? “Everyone else gives me things for free”, and because “a lot of famous asses will be sitting on them.” She is one of them. (Blind Gossip)

My cunt instinct says the one and only Katherine Hagel?! I don't know if she's "youngish," but she is a shameless bitch, so she works!

This comes from a story several years ago. It has to do with a Tom Hanks movie that didn't receive the rave reviews that were expected. The original script featured a strong female character. Someone famous, involved in the production of the movie demanded that the ‘bitch' be taken out of the script because he didn't want any strong females in this film. The women in it had to be beautiful, secondary and not very smart. So, the script was changed and in our opinion, the movie isn't that great, even though it has the fabulous Mr. Hanks in it. The person throwing the female fit was not Tom Hanks. He's a stand up guy by all recollections. Guess the movie and the misogynist? (BuzzFoto via Gawker)

Turner & Hooch? I always thought Hooch should've had a cooch. But my real guesses are Road to Perdition, The Terminal or Bonfire of the Vanities?

This foreign born C list movie actress was rumored to be in a relationship with this B+/A- list movie actor. The rumors were true but the relationship is having its problems. Not because they don't like each other because they are crazy about each other. It is just that our actor has had some problems in the past with substance abuse and is trying to stay clean and the actress is in a full on do drugs whenever you can time in her life and is causing some real issues between the two. In fact, over the last few weeks our actress has been doing more than usual and looks like death warmed over according to someone who saw her at a press event. (CDAN)

This one, I have no idea. But the commenters over at CDAN seem to be pointing at Shia LaDouche and Carey Mulligan?

Which British diva has had so much plastic surgery she finds it almost impossible to talk? At a recent ‘do’, a mole tried to have a conversation with her but left halfway through as it was like talking to Shane McGowan with 500 tic tacs in his gob. (Holy Moly!)

Shirley Bassey? Joan Collins? Pete Burns? If it's any of them, they don't need to talk. They just need to stand there and be glamorous.

If one of the Olsen trolls fall on hard times, they can always move into that gigantic shopping bag - Popsugar

Kerry Katona's wedding video proves that it was the classiest affair of our time - Holy Moly!

Serena van der Woodsen gets kinky - Hollywood Tuna

Like a gentle kiss from an angel (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Troll-on-girl action on Heroes - Egotastic!

Twit & Twat's new puppies are thinking, "Where are the coyotes when you really need em?" - Just Jared

At least Sylvester Stallone's interesting tattoo takes the attention away from his mug - Cityrag

So that's what happened to Martika?! But seriously, claps all around for this dude - Towleroad

Adrien Brody has to make that money. However, I wish he'd make it by starring in a porn version of Predator called Peenator - Lainey Gossip

The reason Tori collapsed is because her toothpick body can't support her concrete chichi balls - Celebitchy

I'd hit it and I'd hit it - ICYDK

Katy Perry wearing one of my childhood bedspreads - Hollywood Rag

Usher singing about Tameka's tuck game would've been more interesting - I'm Not Obsessed

If you're staring at Dr. 90210's crotch area, you're not alone. Sucio. - Socialite Life

When Lance Bass isn't sitting front row in the audience at Dancing with the Has-Beens (seriously, he's there every week), he's butching it up in the gym. Pumping peen and pumping weights.

Surprisingly enough, I've never really thought about what Lance looked like without his top on. But then I see this, I get the drips and say to myself, "That'll do." Yes, I'm that easy. And I'm sure JC is scooting all over this picture while humming "I Want You Back."

Photo by Braden Summers
Source: Tabloid Prodigy VIA Towleroad

On November's cover of Elle, Stepford Katie actually looks like a real-life human being who doesn't need to be programmed to smile. Photoshop is the best drug sometimes. They must have used the "living person" tool on her.

In the issue, Katie says that Tommy Girl always has something to say about what she's wearing. Can't you just picture him giving her the once over and rotating his hips while snapping in z-formation if he disapproves? Typical queen.

Katie said, "He usually likes everything, but sometimes I'll walk out and he'll say, 'I think that dress might be wearing you. You don't need that.' Tom has great taste."

HAH. Yes, Tommy does have wonderful taste. Anybody who takes a peek at his platform midwife shoes knows that. And not only is Tommy a controlling robot master, but he always knows when a dress is wearing you! Rachel "Chupacabra" Zoe better watch it, because Tommy Girl is going sashay on in and snatch her career. Hopefully when Tommy says, "I DIE," he means it. Literally.

VIA UsWeekly

During one of the pole dancing championships in Moscow, a pole artiste proved how powerful her pussay was by breaking the pole. "Breaking the pole" is not some kind of pun for how she destroyed peen boners in the room. No, bitch really broke the pole! They must have secured it with two pieces of chewed gum and a dab of dick saliva, because the pole came loose when she started twirling around it. Being the professional that she is, she didn't kick that pole or call 911, she simply posed like she meant to do that. Break the pole, but don't break your spirit!

Speaking of pole breakers, here's a little piece a few of you hos sent my ass. I have for you a Glittery Gay of YouTube poppin' that ass like he's got ants in his culo. I'm jealous. You know shakin' those nalgas on fast forward has made his peen all dizzy and shit. Vertigo dick!

If you walked into KFed's house and didn't see ciggie butts on the floor and spit on the walls, you'd probably be pretty damn shocked. So it's not surprising that KFed is being accused of completely trashing a house he was renting. The owners of the house want KFat to fart up $100,000 (of Brit Brit's money) to pay for all the damages he allegedly made the house in Tarzana, CA. They also say that KFed rolled out of there without paying rent for 6-months. Here's a list of the damages:

Gutters full of cigarette butts and empty beer bottles
A broken beer dispenser on the barbecue island
Permanent spit marks on exterior paint
Broken light covers
Bent light posts
Broken tiles
Dead trees and plants due to failure to water
Drawings all over the walls
A room that was turned into a studio (without the owners' permission)
Broken dishwasher ... with broken baskets
Dismantled smoke detectors
Front driveway oil-leak damage
Master bathroom windows tinted (without owners' permission)

TMZ also has a ton of pictures of the damages. My guess is that KFed didn't mean to mess that place up. Most of the damage was probably caused just by him walking around. Dude can make the earth move. And when he farts? Forget about it. Light posts will bend and smoke detectors will burst.

The most disturbing part about all of this is that KFed had a recording studio in his house. That is some terrorist shit right there. Haven't we been through enough?!