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This is the kind of ho shit I expect from Patty or Selma, but not Marge. I think I have a new favorite Simpson (sorry Maggie).

E! Online says that Marge Simpson will flash her yellow nipples and her toon poon in the pages of November's Playboy. Marge will even take the cover. THAT SLUT! The interview and three-page pictorial will run in honor of The Simpson 20th anniversary. Marge isn't going to pull any of that Heidi Montag fuckery by covering the goods. Marge is going all the way. Yeah, I didn't think I'd ever see a blue snatch stache in Playboy, but there's a first time for everything. And I doubt it if Marge will even need a little help from Photoshop.

And when I typed "Marge Simpson naked" into Google, the first thing that "came" up was a gonzo porn site devoted to The Simpsons. I thought my brain was a permanent resident of the gutter, but these hos outdid me. If you've ever wondered what a Marge Simpson gang bang looks like, (NOT SAFE FOR YOUR SOUL) then click on over. If you get the tingles, keep it yourself (that was a note to self).

The last time we left Michael Lohan, he was burping about how his daughter is HONGRAY for prescription pills and how he plans to save her. Well, Michael Lohan is still at the same place we last left him: shouting all sorts of shit to Radar.

This time around, Michael is yammering about how he plans to stage an intervention (Candy Finnigan just queefed, burped and farted at the same time) to save his daughter from the evil doers who keep giving her the bad shit. Don't ask me how Radar can understand a word he says seeing as though his head is shoved up his ass. Maybe the words somehow make their way out of his peen hole? Who knows.

Michael said, “I had a conversation with her, her mother and everyone…over the next couple of weeks I’m going to be doing things in a pretty public way. But Dina has got to get on the same page with me. It’s a serious situation. You can’t just talk about it and tell me that you want to do an intervention and then do nothing. When Lindsay doesn’t adhere or listen to what I say about serious situations, I feel I have to speak publicly to put pressure on her. If she doesn’t take my advice and do what I say…the more pressure I put on her, the more likely she is to eventually do the right thing.”

The intervention will be held at Mulcahy's Pub on Long Island. You can buy tickets at the door for $5. It's BYOA (bring your own Adderrall). White Oprah will open the intervention by strutting around the stage in shoes from her new shoe line "SHOE-HAN." I'm not making the last part up.

Below are pictures from a press conference for White Oprah's new collection of shoes. It's really called "SHOE-HAN." The shoes will be sold at Big Lots, stoop sales, swap meets and lesser known back alley pharmacies beginning next year. They are perfect for crushing your pills down into dust and for kicking your 15-year-old daughter out to work the ho stroll.

In the third thumbnail, I think she's telling the two people there (including Nana Lohan) how big she likes her bottles of Vicodin to be. At first I thought she was telling us how much dignity she has, but we all know her fingers would be much closer together if that was the case.

Today is the Gosselin twins' 9th birthday party, and Jon Gosselin tells Entertainment Tonight that it could turn into World War III. The battle between the rabid possum and the corroded ass wart will be caught on film, because Jon is bringing the ET camera crew to the party. These assholes make OctoCrazy (remember her?) look like the perfect picture of sanity and health. Hopefully, Jon or Kate gave their girls a never-ending prescription of Valium, because those kids are going to need it.

Jon whined that Kate wouldn't allow him to come to the party, but he insisted on it, "She's basically saying it would be too stressful to the kids to have both of us here, like we originally planned. I'm just going to stay! I own the house, so I can do what I want. She's trying to prevent me from seeing my kids on their birthday because she doesn't want to see me. She doesn't want to hear my apology. She doesn’t want to work things out."

When Jon & Kate filed for divorce did they also file for divorce from acting like adults? FUCK! Jon is acting like a toddler who went poopy in his panties and doesn't know what to do about it. Just suck it up. Pretending to like someone is not hard. I do it on a daily basis. When you're in their presence, just picture yourself slowly strangling them. It will make you smile, and then they will smile seeing you smile. It's not hard!

And when is Nancy Grace going to eat both of them already?! In case you missed it, here's Nancy going after Jon (round 2) on The Insider. By the way, those aren't CZs in Jon's ears. They are Christian Audigier's kidney stones.

Here's Jon picking up the girls' birthday cake in NYC before driving to Pennsylvania. SPOILER ALERT: He ate the cake in the car.

In an ice cream parlor in Boston yesterday, Suribot climbed on the counter, grabbed at the topping and pretty much exploded over the thought of eating deliciousness. Switch out "Boston" and "Suri" with "DQ" and "Michael K" and that sentence would still be FACT. When the ice cream scoopers see me coming, they bring out their tasers. Seriously, doesn't everyone climb on the counters and lose their minds over ice cream? Well, not weepy ass Stepford Katie, but that ho doesn't even know she's on Planet Earth, let alone an ice cream store in Boston. It's going to take more than a cone full of sugar to get that trick in check.

Here's more of Icecreamzilla, Robobeard and Katie's mom terrorizing Boston.

The next time (aka today after work) you get into fight of words and slaps with a fellow traveler on public transportation, just know that someone could be filming that shit! Make sure you look hot. Thankfully, this battle over a bus seat on San Francisco's Muni was captured on a dude's cell phone.

Apparently, the two ladies were fighting over a seat (aren't they always) when shit got really real! Basically, the argument consisted of the words: fuck, you, stupid, bitch. It's like I wrote the dialogue for this fight. Those are really the only words you know when you're battling a bitch over a seat!

After they blew air kisses at each other for a while, the fists started flying! AND HOW! I'm pretty sure I saw the Asian lady deliver a drop kick on the other chick. Damn. That is some Mortal Kombat shit. Level her up! The Fight Queen of Muni!

When video of the fight made its way on to YouTube, Muni said they are investigating the incident. They said the bus operator should have notified the SFPD about the fight, but they did not. That's because the bus driver was probably too busy betting on a winner.

VIA SFist

The power of the ginge cannot be stopped! Grace Coddington is Dlisted's Miss September and will go on to the Miss Hot Slut of the Year competition in January. Grace will battle it out against Vogue Evolution, Maru, Quween on the Scene, Kate Gosselin's Possum Hair, Susan Boyle, Uggs, Claire Cannucciari, and STAINS!

Participation in the talent competition is mandatory, so Grace better work on her shank eye and elegant scowl.

Thanks to all hos who voted!

Shauna Sand + Lucite + Plastic Hair Clip + Dirty LV Bag + A Bag of Milk = Elegance Personified - Hollywood Rag

This must be a record: George Clooney still has the same piece - Lainey Gossip

Steven Tyler is looking HOT in his swimsuit (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Why isn't CoCo's ass a permanent Twitter trending topic? - Hollywood Tuna

I see we're exporting our annoying famewhores to South Africa now - Egotastic!

Guy Ritchie does have a point - Holy Moly!

Levi Johnston is preparing for his Playgirl shoot by hitting the gym six times a week. Um, shouldn't be preparing by hitting the penis pump 7 days a week? - Towleroad

JHud and Punk's baby friend - Just Jared

Nicole Eggert still looks a million times hotter than Pamela Anderson - Popoholic

What in kadooze hell is Peter Facinelli doing with Jill Zarin? - Popsugar

Feminem kind of looks like ScarJo - Cityrag

Hos I want to party with: Stephanie Seymour - Popeater

Sideshow Bob gets all the chicks - Socialite Life

This is news: Miley Cyrus has quit Twitter - I'm Not Obsessed

Miley should take Noah with her - Celebitchy

(Image via INFDaily)

Over a month ago, Joe Francis and Brody Jenner's girlfriend Jayde Nicole got into a fight in the early morning hours at a night club in Los Angeles. It's still shocking that Jon Gosselin was not involved in this showdown of the assholes.

Jayde filed a $1 million lawsuit against Joe claiming she suffered multiple injuries including a black eye, swollen face, bruises all over her body and emotional distress. Well, here's the video courtesy of Radar!

Jayde says that in the video, she spots Joe trying to dry hump on one of her girlfriends. Jayde decided Joe needed to be cooled down, so she poured her glass of the sweet nectar all over him. Usually, alcohol makes a tampon soggy, but it only made Joe stronger. The dick bag flew into a rage, grabbed Jayde by the hair and pulled her through the crowd. It only took a quick second for a bunch of dudes to take Joe down and throw him out of the club. Jayde said she was left traumatized by the whole incident.

Now, I don't know if Joe Francis should be jailed for life for this, but I do know that he should be jailed for life for being Joe Francis. I also know that this clip could be used as advertising for whoever does Jayde's weave, because I didn't seen even one track flying.

Go ahead and pick up your genitals off the floor before reading on. Make sure to dust them off first.

So, sometimes justice is not served. For instance, take the case of the thong-wearing bicycle-riding pepawpaw of Tallahassee, FL. 55-year-old Richard Irby was busted after residents at a trailer park complained about him walking around in spandex panties with his limpy peenus out. Richard was charged with indecent exposure and a judge told him he can no longer ride around town with his wrinkly pancakes hanging out. Richard has to wear shorts that come down to his knees.

This is what I don't get. Lady CaCa is allowed to sashay through the streets of the world with her dick hanging out and you don't see her getting arrested! Yes, the sight of this bald bear with his belly bouncing around may give you cotton mouth in the vagina, but if he wants to do dry anal with a bike seat out in public, that's his RIGHT!

And the city of Tallahassee should be thankful that they don't have (NSFL) this piping hot grandpa with a mutant peen roaming their streets. Seriously, ole' dude's wang could star in a remake of Tremors.