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These two absolutely shameless famefuckers posing with Joe Biden threw whatever dignity they had out the window and crashed Obama's first state dinner on Tuesday night. HA! This is just like the time my cousin busted on in a children's birthday party at Bullwinkle's just so she could get some free sheet cake from Costco. Only this is not as glamorous.

The Washington Post reports that Michaele and Tarq Salahi breezed through a secret service checkpoint in order to get in. They flashed fame-eating grins at the cameras and acted like they had received a personal Evite from Michelle Obama herself. When they got inside, they sipped on cocktails from the open bar and took pictures with all the fancy people. That night, one of them wrote on their Facebook pages: "Honored to be at the White House for the state dinner in honor of India with President Obama and our First Lady!" SCRAGS BITCHES!

A rep for the Secret Service confirmed that Michaele and Tarq crashed that motherfucker and went on to explain: "Everyone who enters the White House grounds goes through magnetometers and several other levels of screenings. That was the case with the state dinner last night. No one was under any risk or threat."

I still don't know how the Secret Service didn't tackle Michaela upon first sight. I mean, she totally looks like one of Ann Coulter's mutant mouth sores all grown up.

Since they didn't have anywhere to sit at the actual dinner, they probably snuck into a hallway and quietly ate cold tuna sandwiches that Michaela hid under her sari.

And OF COURSE, Michaela is rumored to be one of The Real Housewives of DC. Bitch fits right in!

BONUS! Gawker posted a clip of their amazingly awesome wedding video. The fake wedding bells at the beginning really set the mood for this elegant affair of tackiness:

My kitchen smells like burnt bread and that "Thank You India" song by Alanis Morrissette is playing on repeat in my head, so that must mean it's Thanksgiving times! Or as my mom says after she's had a few glasses of Andre, Tanksgiven! For those of you who don't celebrate it, Happy Booze Until You Barf Out All Your Internal Organs Day (aka every single day of the week)!

And there really is a lot I'm thankful for this year. A zillion things like silver, foxes, mothers, frosting, the circus, animals, cookies, Sharpies, lucite, heels, ginges, abuelitas, keyboards, cats, moons, chicken, cutlets and of course, all of you hos who continue to read my mostly incoherent crazy rants and put up with my annoying obsessions with everything I just listed. So, tank you. Oh, and in case you didn't figure it out, that last picture is an artist's rendering of you.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Stove Top Stuffing! Because no high-class Thanksgiving is complete without canned cranberries and Stove Top! You will seriously impress absolutely everybody when you shovel a heaping serving on this processed deliciousness onto their plates.

And if you have a little leftover, you can do what I usually do with canned cranberries. Just throw it into a blender, add apple rum, blend and serve in the plastic cup of your choice (do they make plastic martini cups?). If you get a little sick, just mix it in with your Stove Top-tini and give it another go!

Beeeeelow is just one of the classic Stove Top commercials where the greedy ass kids love that shit so much that they arrange to eat it twice in one night. They act like it's laced with the good shit.

Peter Facinelli (36)
Lil' Fizz (24)
Natasha Bedingfield (28)
Tammy Lynn Michaels (35)
Kristin Bauer (36)
Garcelle Beauvais (43)
Lisa Moretti (48)
John McVie (64)
Tina Turner (70)
Rich Little (71)