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Yes, Nick Lachey and Vanessa Manilafolders still exist. And yes, they are back together. Someone might have whispered that piece of non-information into your ear, but you must have been suffering from a little condition called "I Don't Give A Queef" which caused you to forget it immediately. Anyway....

Nick and Vanessa were happily surrendering themselves to the Miami sun when they heard the click of a camera. And you know what happens when famewhores hear that? They jump up, suck it in and stroll around with their titties propped up real pretty-like. And I"m just talking about Nick.

JLo's first husband Ojani Noa is planning to bust a $100 million lawsuit in her face, because he says she's trying to ruin him. I hate to break it down for Ojani, but JLo is trying to destroy all of us by putting out another album. Ojani needs to add our names to that lawsuit right next to his.

Ojani was trying to produce a mockumentary using an 11-hour-long "sexy tape" he made with JLo on their honeymoon, but her lawyers sat on his plans and got a judge to issue a temporary restraining order. This blocked Ojani from showing any parts of the tape to the public.

Radar reports that Ojani is also suing JLo's father and lawyer for interfering with his project and for partaking in fraudulent activity. Ojani's lawyer claims that JLo's mother sold a part of the tape to Univision without his permission.

Ojani's lawyer said, "I believe that I have an unalienable First Amendment right to enter the JLo home videos into the public court record, so as to defend myself. If Judge Chalfant has a problem with this, he can have me hauled out of the courtroom in handcuffs in front of the world media."

They are all due back in court on December 1st.

I know I keep bringing up Ojani's hairy brows, but it pains me to see him wasting his time on lawsuits like this when he should be tending to those creatures over his eyes instead! If Ojani doesn't want to bother with plucking, he just needs to smear a little cheese on his brows and let a hongray rat handle that. How is a judge going to take him seriously when he can't even tame his eyebrow situation. Paging Baby Smiley!

While most of us were passed out on the floor in a turkey/pie/conversation/alcohol coma, Courtney Love was making out with DJ Qualls and terrorizing strippers at Scores. Yish, it was just a traditional Thanksgiving for Court!

Page Six says that the rambler of Facebook started her night at 1OAK, where she stuck her tongue down DJ Qualls' tiny bird mouth and led him down the crack hole. A source said, "Courtney was partying at 1Oak with her band and Qualls, who was on the next table, introduced himself. They hit it off and ended up talking very closely and making out. She was all over him. Courtney then dragged him and her band to Scores."

When DJ Qualls woke up in a pool of his own bloody vomit the next morning with chunks of his gums missing, a fresh wart on his tonsils, a chaffed tongue, his nipples sewed onto his forehead and Courtney's "business" card shoved up his asshole, he probably vowed never EVER to accept a drink from her again.

Radar Online reports that The Hoff has been hospitalized at Cedars Sinai in Los Angeles after he suffered a seizure on Friday. A source says that The Hoff's seizure might have had something to do with him being permanently attached to a booze bottle for the past few days. The Hoff is also on anti-seizure medication.

The Hoff's rep wouldn't confirm that he's in the hospital or that he suffered a seizure. But one of his neighbors saw an ambulance outside of The Hoff's house and told Radar, "I asked one of the paramedics how David was doing and he told me his eyes were rolling back into his head, he was drooling and that he'd had a seizure. Unfortunately, this isn't the first time this has happened to him."

The Los Angeles City Fire Department confirmed that an ambulance was called to The Hoff's house in Encino and a patient was transported to a hospital for medical attention.

Dr. Drew, come and get this man! You know, if The Hoff doesn't want to clean it up a bit for the sake of his daughter or the entire country of Germany, then maybe he should do it for that fancy jacket. It won't continue to spark unless The Hoff gets it together.

TMZ has an entirely different story on how Tiger Woods' face ended up looking like a cat tried to dry hump it. This whole story is really close to getting an "Escandalo" tag.

According to a source, Tiger and his wife Elin Nordegren had a fight about the rumor that he's cheating on her ass with that Rachel Uchitel trick. The argument got violent when Elin attacked Tiger's face, scratching it up. Bitch showed him who the real tiger in the family is.

That was Tiger's cue to exit stage left, so he hopped in his Escalade to escape the madness. But Elin wasn't going to let Tiger get away that easy, so she chased him with a golf club and smashed his back windows. Tiger, who is taking painkillers for an injury, got distracted in all the chaos and crashed into the fire hydrant. The two made up the story that his SUV's windows were busted out, because Elin broke them with the golf club to save Tiger.

TMZ also spoke to Rachel Uchitel who denied that she's letting the Tiger into her bag. Rachel says that she met him once, but they never fucked around. Rachel added that the National Enquirer's sources were paid $25,000 each for the fake story.

Um. Of course Rachel is going to pull the denial card out of her snatch. Does she really want to face the wrath of Elin Nordegren? If Elin took a golf club to Tiger, I can imagine what she would do to Rachel. Elin will run that whore over with a golf cart. Seriously, Elin is not going to let some gutter tramp ho eff with her money like that! Rachel better stay away from all golf courses and Ikeas from now on.

Princess Ardala (as played by Pamela Hensley) from Buck Rogers in the 25th Century.

Buck Rogers was always torn between that stale apple pie of a bitch Wilma Deering and the ridiculously glamorous Princess Ardala. I don't know what Buck Rogers' brain was made of, because who could ever resist a bitch in bedazzled ox horns. Not to mention that the gorgeous Princess Ardala always dressed like a 1980s Reno casino cocktail waitress. Now that is true glamour.

Ryan Kwanten (33)
Mary Elizabeth Winstead (25)
Trey Songz (25)
Chamillionaire (30)
Dawn Robinson (41)
Jon Stewart (47)
Jane Sibbett (47)
Alfonso Cuaron (48)
John Galliano (49)
Judd Nelson (50)
S. Epatha Merkerson (57)
Ed Harris (59)
Paul Schaffer (60)
Randy Newman (66)
Manolo Blahnik (67)