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Marilyn Manson recently released a music video where he beat and murdered an Evan Rachel Wood look-alike. Well, that must have made filled Evan Rachel's heart with rainbows and pink kittens, because she has gone back to him. Yes, Evan went from Marilyn Manson to Shane West to Alexander Skarsgard and back to Brian Hugh Warner for an encore. There's something wrong with that equation.

In an interview with Metal Hammer (via ONTD), Marilyn bragged that he's back with Evan, “I think I’m not afraid to be me. Sometimes it happens when you get to this point in your career, and there are so many things that have happened and influences that you’ve had, besides the influences of the things that have inspired you. Sometimes you feel awkward being what you’re best at, you feel like you have to be something new. But I think that a lot of people will agree that me being me at my best is what I need to be. I think that that really paid off because I’m back with Evan, that’s kind of breaking news, you can be the first one to say that.”

Marilyn either eats snatch like it's pie, or he cums pie. OR BOTH! Because Evan is always running back to him like he's the only creature on Planet Earth that can make her pussy barf in ecstasy. That still isn't a good enough reason. Somebody needs to tell Evan that the vagina should always move forward, not backwards onto a peen you've already hit! Especially a peen that belongs to Marilyn Manson. Bitch needs a friend!

If you put your ear up to these pictures, you can almost hear the cries from all the pairs of Spanx keeping Mimi together. If you opened her dress, it would probably look like MacGyver was there. Homegirl is held down with Spanx, ropes, girdles, rubber, wires and every kind of tape known to man. Mimi just needs to let out a loooooong exhale and free herself! Rip up the Spanx, burn the girdles and learn to breathe again. That's what Hello Kitty would want.

Seriously, Mimi always looks like me trying to hold in a wet fart in a crowded elevator. And trust me, it isn't exactly comfortable. It fucks with you.

Here's Mimi sucking and popping that ass with her husband Nick Cannon at UNICEF's Snowflake Ball in NYC last night.

It was just four months ago that Hulk and Linda Hogan's divorce became final. In the end, their nasty divorce war left Hulk with a raw asshole, chewed off nipples and a weepy checking account. Hulk must have the memory of a roid pimple, because he's about to walk down the aisle again. The NYDN says that Hulk is engaged to his girlfriend Jennifer McDaniel.

Hulk's brain is as fried as his hair and his girlfriend looks like she's cut from the same cloth as his daughter, so there's a good chance he accidentally proposed to the wrong orange linebacker. But he didn't, because TMZ caught up Hulk and Jennifer at LAX on Tuesday. Jennifer showed off her new ring, and Hulk said, "That could be the new Mrs. Hogan."

If I was Jennifer, I'd hire Elin Nordegren as my prenup specialist. Because Jennifer better get paid a Woods-worth for rubbing her parts all over Hulk's rotisserie chicken body. Seriously, you should never suck on jerky peen like that for nothing!

And if I was Brooke, I'd constantly walk around with a big sign over my titties that read: "STOP: I'm Your Daughter."

Meet Lisa Brand and Tommy Barnes. This lovely couple from England would do anything for their dream beach wedding in Cancun, Mexico. They would even take all their panties off, get freaky on camera and sell that shit for a quick dime. And that's exactly what they are doing. Lisa and Tommy tell The Sun that they have made almost $3,000 for three fuck films and they plan to make for more so that they can pay for their wedding this June.

Lisa and Tommy, who have four children, have done kinky shit like play with hot wax, partake in a little threesome action and spank each other with paddles. Unfortunately, the threesome was not with a dermatologist or an orthodontist.

Lisa said that her mother and most of her friends understand that they are just sexing on camera for the money. Tommy added, "It's our five minutes of fame - something to look back on when we're older. It has brought us closer together."

Okay, I know we're all thinking the same thing at the same time, so let's just come out with it: WHO THE FUCK IS BUYING THIS SHIT?! Jinx! I mean, are Lisa and Tommy marketing their tapes as a bulimics' most successful tool?! Or maybe they are selling it to dentists who bust nuts thinking about all the way they can fix Lisa's peek-a-boo snag tooth?

You know what, though? Good for their freaky nasty asses. If someone's paying to see their nasties wrestle each other, then I say go for it. Although, my eyes won't be witnessing that business since I don't think I could take seeing Lisa's Kiki Dunst fang scrape on Tommy's acne-covered peen.

Okay, I'd still watch it.

Who’s been behaving even more badly behind the scenes? This guy! He’s been famous for such a long time, he’s become quite the narcissist. He just doesn’t think the rules of life and scandals apply to him. Everyone loves me! Nobody will believe an opportunistic cocktail waitress over me! Well, Dude, what about two cocktail waitresses, two club hosts, a couple of hookers, and a stripper or two? Oh, yes, they’ll be crawling out of the woodwork now. You can’t blame the media for your bad behavior. You can’t shill for millions of dollars of consumer goods as the epitome of a good guy and then claim privacy when it comes to light that your good guy act is a sham. Take your lumps and quit blaming everyone else, and you’ll get past this scandal a lot faster. (Blind Gossip)

Just turn on your TV or go to any damn website, and you will see his face a million times over. That being said, I'm going to guess Dr. Phil.

We have heard from a friend of this gay male escort that the escort is claiming to be involved in a romantic relationship with this Television and Film actor (whose sexuality remains ambiguous). The escort has been snapped with the star before, and even gone to events with him, but is claiming to have been in a relationship, one that is on and off. Not Chace Crawford. (BuzzFoto)

Zachary Quinto?

This bootylicious reality star is in for more heartbreak. She recently reconciled with her naughty boyfriend after forgiving him for cheating. Now she’s thinking about a wedding, but HE’S not. Behind her back, the boyfriend has taken up with yet another stripper in Los Angeles, and the stripper is already shopping the story around to the highest bidder. (Janet Charlton via BG)

Okay, I guess today's blind items aren't really that blind. It's a miracle. Maybe I should change the headline to 20/20 Vision Items? Anyway, my guess is Kim Kardashian & Reggie Bush?

SAAAAAAAVE CODY: The Health Department hates adorable chocolate Labradors who are just trying to make an honest living in this economy - TampaBay.com

Kate Beckinsale gets half naked in the name of vodka - Egotastic!

Gollum's sex change is complete - Hollywood Tuna

Who is HoHan humping on today? - Popsugar

Shakira has moves (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Natalie Portman tried pot once, is still boring - Just Jared

Sylvester Stallone is well on his way to becoming a wet ball of clay - Holy Moly!

True Blood is getting some new meat - Towleroad

Nicole Kidman's plumped and ready to go - Lainey Gossip

I'm sure Bridget Moynahan will co-sign the fact that Tom Brady can keep a secret - Celebitchy

Please tell me Pamela Anderson is going on Judge Judy - Hollywood Rag

This is the best RiRi's hair has looked in a long time - Socialite Life

And if Papa Joe's daughters were failures, he'd spank them good! I shouldn't have said that, because now he may change his mind - ICYDK

Candy and Tori Spelling don't want to kill each other anymore - I'm Not Obsessed

Rachel Uchitel is jumping into a sex scandal nipples first - Cityrag

The Three Wolf Moon T-shirt has gone fancy! But two of the wolves keep it real, so they decided to stay on their side of the tracks.

Fashionista points us to this "Petra Moon Wolf" tank dress currently being sold for $93! YES! Ninety three fucking dollars!

That's almost ten times more than the original and you only get one wolf! Get less, pay more? What kind of logic is that? Besides, the power is fueled by the trinity. Without the other two wolves, you've only got a lone stoner wolf exhaling into a street light in front of a 24-hour liquor store.

And that wolf needs to stop trying to make people think he's high-class by saying his name is Petra. Please. Petra?!

(Thanks Tara)

Gloria Allgreen (you know, because she loves money) has the closed the curtain on the planned press conference Tiger Woods' #1 mistress was supposed to give this afternoon. Rachel Uchitel was going to tell all, but she has suddenly changed her mine. Radar says that the reason why Rachel canceled the press conference is because she's trying to get Tiger to stuff a $1 million check into her mouth hole. Cash got her tongue.

A source says that Rachel has been negotiating a $1 million payoff with Tiger's people. Rachel would have queefed that money goodbye if she went through with the press conference. Speaking of payoffs....

The Daily Beast says that Tiger is not only trying to put a little hush money under Rachel's pillow, but he's also waving cash in front of his wife's eyes to get her to stay. According to them, Elin's current prenup states that she will get $20 million after 10 years of marriage. But since Tiger's dick has jumped into someone else's vagina, Elin wants the prenup to be rewritten.

The source claims that Tiger is willing to add $55 million to the prenup. Also, if Elin agrees to stay, Tiger will immediately transfer $5 million into her personal account. So if Elin signs a nondisclosure and plays the perfect wife and mother for the next 7 years, she will be able to skip away from the marriage with $80 million in her pocket.

Tiger's advisers have told him to do whatever it takes to save his marriage so that his sponsors won't dump him too.

The gold diggers of the world have just proclaimed Elin as their new GODDESS! Get on your knees and worship her!

You know, for Tiger's sake, I hope he had some "eyelash singing" orgasms with his mistress whores, because that shit could cost him $81 million.

I know you're just going to label Brandy Westberry of Jacksonville, FL as some dumb hillbilly, but this fine lady is all kinds of smart.

First of all, she knows not to waste her government check on stupid things like shampoo. Second of all, that gap in her teeth is the perfect place to keep her cigarette safe while she's busy adjusting the wire hanger antenna on her TV. Third of all, Brandy's daughter probably learned the word "fuckin'" from her when she was cursing out her boyfriend/second cousin, but homegirl is smart enough to lay the blame on a Hannah Montana doll!

Brandy tells the local news (THIS IS NEWS) that she had to take the batteries out of her daughter's Hannah Montana doll, because it clearly sings "fuckin' pie" instead of "pumpkin pie." Brandy is a genius.

And who doesn't love fuckin' pie (wear a condom)?

via Best Week Ever

The Christmas season doesn't officially begin until Queen Aretha stuffs her triple long titty melons into a bedazzled tent and roars into the night like she's trying to break all the windows in heaven!

At last night's Rockefeller Christmas tree lighting ceremony, Queen Aretha took to the stage looking like Mama Bear after eating Goldilocks, Papa Bear, Baby Bear, all the bowls of porridge and every chair and bed in the house! That is the real-talk version of Goldilocks and the Three Bears!

Even though the entire mink population is extinct because of Queen Aretha, I can not fully hate on her. Mostly because I am still mesmerized by her honey baked chichis. I just want to dive in and SUFFOCATE!

Here's more pictures of Aretha flashing her chichis, Chucks and support (!!!!) hose last night.