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After a flight from Los Angeles to Mississippi, Brit Brit stepped out of her luxurious flying trailer and took a breath of fresh air. And by "fresh air," I mean Winston smoke. Our Lady of Cheetos had to gargle with a little nicotine in order to get her possum yodel ready for the big hillbilly show on Tuesday!

Brit Brit's back in Kentwood to prepare for the opening of her "I Ain't Got The Crazies No Mo'" tour in New Orleans. Brit Brit along with her little Cheetolets and Master Spears arrived at the airport yesterday.

You know, it's still a little odd seeing Brit Brit looking like she bathes, shampoos and wipes her chitterling area regularly. I mean, where did all her weave fleas go? They are wandering the streets looking for another gutter weave to live in.

And I am the only one that gets a craving for cheese grits every time I see Master Spears? I bet he's always got a crotch full of cheese grits. I can't....

I'm always joking around that my ass is so gay it can shit stars, rainbows and hearts. Well, now it really fucking can thanks to Poopy Time Fun Shapes! All I have to do is stick a plastic tube up my ass, squeeze them cheeks and out comes the fun! I hope they make this in jumbo sizes, because that little thing isn't going to do. Tic-Tac in a whale!

If spewing out hearts and stars during caca times isn't your thing, you can also try The Turd Twister. They have over ten shapes to choose from! Everything from a moon turd to a Christmas tree turd. Seriously, it's not the holiday season until you've shat out a Christmas tree! The fun in your end never ends!

VIA Urlesque

Blaaaaake busted out of the chokey this week and it was reported that Amy Wino was on her back to England to jump into his heroin-loving arms to make crack chirruns or something. Well, apparently, Blaaaake isn't interested anymore and is fleeing Britain. Yeah, something in the leche ain't clean.

The Sun says that Blaaaake is done and done with the Crackie of Camden and wants to move on with his life (it's news to me that he has one). Friends say he has refused to see Wino, because he thinks she's a bad influence on him now. This just confirms that the skank is crack damaged in the brains. Please don't put a floppy dick in my mouth and tell me it's hard.

The friend added, “His mum Georgette plans to sell up and get Blake to another country. They don’t want to squander all the hard work.”

Hard work? Oh, I see. Blaaaake believes the rumors that Wino is off the crack, so all his hard work from snorting, injecting and puffing so much will go to waste if she tries to get him off the bad shit.

Wherever he goes, Wino's crackhive will find him. It has skills. So Blaaake should flee to another planet instead. I hear Uranus is nice this time of year. Seriously, Uranus is severely underrated.

Michael Galanes - The hardest working queen in the pageant world and one of the stars of WE's reality shit show Little Miss Perfect. And he also might be the joker's younger gay brother. The one we never talk about. Below is everything you need to know about this queen. Yes, I'd hit it....while batting my lashes.

(For Tegan)

Gavin MacLeod (79)
Fefe Dobson (24)
Karolina Kurkova (25)
Ali Larter (33)
Robert Sean Leonard (35)
Tangi Miller (35)
Rory Cochrane (37)
Rae Dawn Chong (48)
John Turturro (52)
Cindy Wilson (52)
Gilbert Gottfried (54)
Mercedes Ruehl (61)
Mike Figgis (61)
Bernadette Peters (61)
Stephanie Beacham (62)
Kelly Bishop (65)
Mario Andretti (69)
Tommy Tune (70)
Charles Durning (86)

Princess RiRi of the Universe is reportedly back with the bitch who busted two horns in her wondrous tenhead three weeks ago. That's what People claims and they are usually right. Unfortunately.

A source said, "They're together again. They care for each other. While Chris is reflective and saddened about what happened, he is really happy to be with the woman he loves."

The source went on to say that they are hiding out in one of Diddy's houses. Wait. Are they the ones having tantric sex with Diddy? That would explain why RiRi took that bitch back. Any kind of sex with Diddy will make you delusional in the brains.

But seriously, WHY?! Why, Riri?! When a dude tells you he'll never do it again. Nine times out of ten, the motherfucker is lie-telling. Majorly. RiRi really needs to rent What's Love Got To Do With It? to see how this is going to play out. Don't eat the cake, RiRi! In fact, walk away from the fucking cake!

Over the weekend, a beautiful note was posted on Kim Zolciak's website saying that her website was on pause, because she failed to pay the bill. Now, I have been waiting for this ho's response. I thought she would say her back alley wig ate the invoice or maybe a K-A-T hacked into her website to destroy her. Kim isn't putting the blame on either those things. Instead, she's saying her publicist is the evil doer! Publicist?! Yeah, I guess she needs one for her spectacular country music career.

The Really Broke Houseskank has requested a restraining order against her former spokeswhore, because she claims that after she fired him, he took over her website, changed the passwords and posted that little blurb about her being a low-budget bitch.

I'm a little disappointed with her former spokesbitch. That's the best he could do? He has to have to some real shit on Kim. Like what is really hiding under Kim's wig of mystery? Hmmm. I bet we'll find out on the season finale of Lost. That's where that dead polar bear really went!

And Kim is an island that needs to be moved NOW!

I understand that IN THIS ECONOMY, a bitch has gotta do what they gotta do to pay off their meth bill and keep the MD 20/20 fully stocked in their trailer cooler. But, if you're going to trade your kids in for some shit, at least be smart about it!

You see, 51-year-old Donna Greenwell of Louisiana, the beauty queen on the left, tried to trade two kids for $175 and a $1500 cockatoo. The bitches she was going to trade with are the supermodels on the right, Paul and Brandy Romero. Cops say that Donna is not the mother of the 4-year-old and 5-year-old kid she was trying to get some coin for. One of the detectives on the case said, "The Romeros had good intentions from what we see. They really wanted to take care of the kids."

The trade was all done by phone after Donna, a trucker with a criminal record, spotted a flier at a livestock barn selling a cockatoo for $1,500. Donna originally wanted to sell the kids to the Romeros for $2000, but when they said they couldn't pay that, she said she would take the bird as payment.

Okay, this is what I don't understand. Why in beauty sleep hell would you trade in noisy for noisy? That doesn't make any sense to me. I'd trade in two kids for a cock or two, but not a loud ass cockatoo. Dumb bitches all around!

Source

Diddy is having tantric sex 24-hours a day, because he's always stroking his own massive fucking ego. Welcome.

Source VIA The Frisky

Lady CaCa needs to work on her tuck game (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

No Bush: Gavin Rossdale's daughter is totally naked - Egotastic!

This dude really, really loves pussy - Towleroad

Robert Pattinson & Hugh Jackman make beautiful music together - Just Jared

Poor Jeremy Piven - Lainey Gossip

Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr are so in love and so posed - Popsugar

Guy Ritchie's pet name for Vadge is missing an s and an h - Hollywood Rag

Megan Fox is on the prowl - Hollywood Tuna

Celebwhore head jobs - Cityrag

Rachael Ray is as pleasant as a needle in my peen hole, but at least the bitch knows it - Celebitchy

Pamela Anderson's nipples will not be covered - ICYDK

This bitch looks like a piece of luggage - I'm Not Obsessed