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Is it Kabbalahist? I didn't know what to call a ho who studies that stuff. Kabbalahead? I almost wrote red stringer, but that sounds like it involves a dirty tampon. Which would kind of be fitting since this post is about Vadge. Kabbahlist it is, for now.

Reportedly, Vadge's personal Jesus has switched over to Kabbalah. There's one million and one religious jokes in there, but I don't know dick about religion. Probably because I was too busy sucking it in the church parking lot when I should've been at confirmation classes. Ungodly, I know. I'll get mine.

A source told The Daily Mirror (via SP) that Jesus has been telling friends he has converted and has even researched Kabbalah on the internet. The source went on to say, "He has joined an online Kabbalah group and is keen to become an active member. Madonna has also offered to take him to the Kabbalah center in New York and he is exceedingly keen to take her up on that."

Jesus' family are strict Catholics so apparently they aren't going to be happy about this. My abuelita would've tied him to a tree and kept him there overnight if he pulled this shit on her. My abuelita actually did that to one of her daughters when she found out she gave a dude a handjob! I'm not even joking. Abuelitas are not the ones.

Okay, is it that easy to convert to Kabbalah? I guess all you have to do is place your skin berries in Vadge's roided-up nutcracker, close your eyes and say goodbye to your friends. You may lose your nuts, but you'll gain a pretty red string to wear around your wrist.

Here's Kabbalah recruiter Vadge and red stringer Jesus leaving some restaurant in NYC last night.

International supermodel and Hot Babe of 2007, Phoebe Price, was gracious enough to speak to the worldwide media (aka Channel 7 in L.A.) at the opening of Orange Bone pet store. The pet store was named after her, obviously. Don't worry your pretty little genitals, Orange Bone sells dogs from shelters instead of puppy mills. PP knows what's right. Or she's just there for the free Andre champagne. Which she had to serve.

In between her canape serving shifts, the always eloquent PP gave her thoughts on the new pet store. Shortly after this interview, the needy and tortured animal lying on her head was adopted by a good family. Henry the dog thought to himself, "Why couldn't it be me." But seriously, PP is changing the world one cutlet at a time. I don't know what that means exactly, but it seems fitting.

In the video above, PP's at the 1:01 mark, but stop by a few seconds before that to gaze at Charlotte Ross' ravishing eyebrows.

Some of us are still recovering from seeing Vadge's vintage sascrotch the first time. I still won't let my dog sit on my lap because it gives me terrible flashbacks. Well, you know what the say, the best way to conquer your fear is to face it again! That's why you have to (NSFL) click here to relieve the hairy fuggery all over again. Make you sure you zoom in and get a little closer. After your stomach has emptied itself all over your keyboard, it won't seem so bad. It's a shame she didn't enter it in Westminster. That cunt would've won Best in Show.

Anysugarpielivesonmadonnascooch, some bitch named Fabrizio Masoni bought that shit at auction for $37,500 yesterday.

Where the hell is he going to hang that mess? In his bathroom to remind him to shave every day? I could never have that thing it my house. My dog would annoy me by always wanting to cuddle next to it thinking it's his long-lost mommy.

The new season of Germany's Next Top Model hosted by Heidi Klum just premiered, so I guess the papers started asking deezigners if they think Heidi could make it as a runway model today. This prompted one designer to say that she's so chunky that she would break the catwalk in two. Basically.

Deeeeezigner Wolfgang Joop told Bild,“She is no runway model! Heidi Klum is simply too heavy and has too big a bust. And she always grins so stupidly. That is not avant-garde – that is commercial!”

True. She doesn't look like she poops out butt nuggets the size of a rabbit's. She also doesn't look like she'd end up in the next country if you sneezed near her. And she doesn't look like she's in dire need of a massage from a defibrillator. So in that respect. No, she doesn't look like a runway model.

Karl Lagerfeld also chirped in. He crawled out from his tomb, quietly ate his salad made from virgin souls and said in between bites, “I don’t know Heidi Klum. She was never known in France. Claudia Schiffer also doesn’t know who she is.”

What the fuck is Karl even saying? Bitch never takes his sunglasses off, so how does he know what she even looks like?! He probably confuses his toothbrush for Kate Moss all the time. The bitch needs to take off his glasses and get a good look. He knows who that bitch Heidi is!

Also, am I the only one bothered by the fact that Heidi's panties and bra don't match in the picture above. It bothers me so much that I want to Photoshop them to match.

Skittles Vodka: Barf the rainbow! - Best Week Ever

Aubrey O'Day's Heidi Montag impersonation in Playboy - Egotastic!

Rudy Huxtable is all grown up - Just Jared

5 hot pieces...and Diddy at the NAACP Image Awards - Lainey Gossip

Ivana Trump must have raided Hannah Montana's closet (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Please let's not make American Idol's Bikini Girl happen - Hollywood Tuna

Kate Moss isn't pregnant, she just accidentally swallowed a lemon seed - Popsugar

Survivor's resident gay is a dumb fuck - Towleroad

The Office to the extreme - Cityrag

FUG!!! - Hollywood Rag

This kind of shit was bound to happen on one of those Vh1 hooker shows. Ray-J has the honor of being the first bitch to possibly have knocked up one of the sluts of his reality show. And of course, it has to be the bitch with the tiger tattoo on her face. Does she realize that when she's 50 that tiger is going to look like a mangy alley cat? Her face to fuck up, I guess.

22-year-old Monica Leon, who goes by the name Danger on For the Love of Ray-J, has ran off and told the National Enquirer that she's 3-months pregnant with Ray-J's baby. What's even more special is that Monica claims they made a baby on the set of that tramp show. What a beautiful thing. The baby already has to deal with the shame of having a mommy with a permanent pussy on her face, but now it's going to grow up to find out it was conceived on rented sheets on a rented bed in a rented whore house. For the Love of Jay is the trashiest home movie ever.

Monica told the Enquirer, "There is no way the baby can be anyone's but Ray J's. I was locked in a mansion with him and 13 girls from October until the end of December. Toward the end of the first week of filming, we made love for the first time - and we slept together every night after that! I didn't want to fall for Ray J, but he was so charming it became impossible not to. I was in love with him, and as strange as it might sound, I think he loved me."

Made love?! That tiger on her face just gave her the side-eye. When a dude you've known for a week sticks his sideway peen in your puss without a rubber on and busts a load, that's not love, that's fucking grade A stupidity! If she didn't catch a baby, she would've caught the coochie cough!

And can someone get a camera crew to Whitney Houston's crack den when she finds out. That wig is going to hit the ceiling and every doodle bubble in her ass is going to burst.

But seriously, Vh1 could find a way to turn this into a show. For the Sake of a Child Support Check! Maury Povich would host, obviously.

This shit also doesn't mean it's Ray-J's kid. I mean, if Monica fucked him without a condom, she probably sat on a toilet seat without spraying it down with some Hazmat-approved spray cleaner. That means one of the other tricks in the house could've dropped a rogue jizz ball from her snatch onto the toilet seat and Monica's vag picked it up. HEY! I watch Forensic Files. Anything is possible.

Mickey Rourke laid down his response to those rumors that he's rubbing surgery scars with Courtney Love. While leaving some joint in NYC last night, Mickey said, “I’d rather be on a deserted island with a gorilla.”

This prompted every gorilla in the world to hit up their local wig shop, buy the rattiest blonde mop in the store, learn how to slur through every Hole song, develop an addiction to OxyContin and start a MySpace page where they will randomly rant about how everyone is stealing money from their asses. They need to do this shit in order to throw Mickey off their trail.

Here's the gorilla fucker in the most precious velvet slippers ever with his forever bff Loki in NYC yesterday afternoon.

That "size 2" carpet fugness all over JLove is begging to be ripped off and Dirt Deviled. After that, I'm going to hang it up over my memaw's vinyl and rattan sofa as fine art. Seriously, my memaw had a shag rug or a damn blanket hanging up on almost every wall. She said it was cheaper than going to the swap meet and buying Monet posters. Point pretty much taken. And when I asked why she had bouquets of backyard tree branches in 99 Cent Store vases all over her house, she said, "My social security check does not cover silk flowers!" Point taken, the sequel.

Here's JLove taking my grandma's new art piece to lunch yesterday in L.A. In the first thumbnail, I almost swooned at the sight of the graceful butchie gayelle, but then my eyes heaved at the cell phone on her waist band. That is something I refuse to accept no matter how well you know how to work a power drill.

Ginger O'Day has been hiding out in Mexico, but it looks like Aubrey found her while buying the morning after pill in bulk down there. Ginger is now back on suicide watch. Keep the lines open. Aubrey dragged poor Ginger to the party to celebrate her doing ho shit in Playboy Magazine.

My no-no lips clap for Aubrey selling out her snatch, but don't bring your dog to the ho stroll! Keep the pooch and the cooch shit separate! Look at this shit in the first thumbnail below. Aubrey wants her dog to be just like her, but Ginger isn't having it. She is fine laaaadeeeee who keeps her legs shut!

Here's more pictures from last night's skank soiree. Hef looks like he's having a minor heart attack while filling up his Depends. Pepaw should not attempt to grind on the skanks. That is a dangerous game.

Lee Redmond, the bitch who can scratch your asshole from across the room, has lost her record-breaking nails in a car crash on Tuesday in Salt Lake City, Utah. No, Lee was not driving. Bitch can't even wipe her own pussy, let alone operate a steering wheel!

Lee was thrown from the passenger seat and taken to the hospital where she was treated for serious injuries. Lee lived, but her nails did not.

According to Guinness Book of World Records, Lee hasn't cut those things since 1979. In 2008, her nails measured a total of 28 feet long. Her longest nail, on her thumb, measured 2 feet, 11 inches.

You know this bitch was screaming for her nails after the crush. She wasn't even thinking about her internal organs. This shit gives me the sads, for real. And just like that, Freddy Krueger lost his favorite jack-off material.

Seriously, your lifelong work gone like that! But at least bitch can finger bang herself now without worrying about puncturing a lung or some shit.

Maybe she can get back into Guinness by challenging Vivica A. Fox to a "hairline-off." Unless Lee's hairline jumped back into place during the car crash. That would be sad upon sad.

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