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It's been basically a week since the RiRi/Brown beat down of 2009 and neither of them have said anything publicly. It was reported that Chris said some shit on his Facebook, but then that was shot down as a fake. Even though RiRi and Chris Brown aren't talking, their daddies are.

First up is RiRi's daddy, Ronald Fenty, who saw his daughter in Barbados on Thursday. Ronald told People: "There is some bruising. She will be alright. I think so. At some point, she will speak out. I hope she will stand up for women all over the world."

Oh, shit! NeNe from The Really Broke Housewives of Atlanta better pick up the phone and get RiRi on the line. This is the break her Twisted Hearts Foundation needs! Together RiRi and NeNe (that has a tangy ring to it) will take down girl beaters everywhere. They can even change the lyrics to RiRi's "Don't Stop the Music" and call it "Please Stop The Bruises." NeNe can sing back-up. Kim Zolciak's road kill wig would melt out of sheer jealousy.

But seriously, Ronald went on to say that he hopes his daughter moves on from Chris. Ronald saw them together in July, but said, "You think you know somebody, but you really don't."

As for Chris, his daddy, Clinton Brown, told People that his son is in Virginia and is oh-so-sowwy. The 44-year-old corrections officer went on to say, "He's reflecting on this situation. "He's very remorseful. He's very concerned about the situation and he wants to make sure that Rihanna's okay. This is unfortunate, this stumble, this situation. Hopefully, he will get past it. We all have our shortcomings. We all trip. If you are on his side, you are on his side. Just because someone trips, if you are truly a fan, you are not going to demonize him instantaneously. He will continue to be a good person. He loves people. And like most of us, most humans, things will occur. And hopefully a person won't be judged simply on that alone."

Yeah, he tripped alright. Bitch tripped right on RiRi, fists first. And basically, Clinton is saying to keep buying Chris' albums and shit, because daddy's Florida timeshare isn't going to pay for itself. Real talk.

(Thanks Sam)

This past Sunday, M.I.A.'s knocked up and polka-dotted ass was bouncing around the Grammy stage making almost every bitch nervous. Seriously, I thought bitch's coochie was going to explode and a baby was going to come sliding out on an amniotic waterfall. Unfortunately, that didn't happen, because it would've made the Grammys worth watching. But M.I.A.'s baby has finally decided to grace us with its presence. M.I.A. and her boyfriend, Benjamin Brewer, brought a boy boy into this cruel, cruel world on Wednesday in Los Angeles. This is her first kid.

M.I.A. confirmed the news on her MySpace blog:

HAPPY VALENTINES!

SUNDAY NITE I CA M E HOME FROM THE GRAMMY'S STILL IN THE MOOD TO PARTY , I COUDA EASILY GONE OUT BUT I WENT HOME INSEAD , LUCKY I DID!! COZ MY EARLY STAGE LABOUR KICKED IN AROUND 2 AM .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vfndz8pW9WY

MY BABY WAS BORN WEDNESDAY , HE IS HEALTHY , FINE , BEAUTIFUL AND THE MOST AMZING THING EVER ON THIS PLANET, OF COURSE IM HIS MUM!!!

ME AND BABY ARE PUTTING OUR TOUR DATES FOR 2010 TOGETHER
AND MAKING MIX TAPES
AND FIGURING OUT A WAY TO BREAK OUT OF THE HOSPITAL !

HOPEFULLY THE WORLD IS BEEN TICKING ALONG AND I AINT MISSED MUCH!

C U SOON ,

AND MY BABY BOY SAYZ HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kanye West must be M.I.A.'s official transcriber. Actually, this mess looks like it was written by someone who was recently a fetus, so her new baby boy must have busted this out. Homeboy was still dizzy from all that bouncing around so he didn't even want to deal with upper case and lower case.

And I cannot wait to see what she named this boy. M.I.A. is from planet Erykah Badu, so I hope this shit will make my eyes roll into the back of my head. I'm thinking she should name him Bamboo Banga Jimmy.

Happy Valentine's Day, you whores! This is just like any other holiday. It's another excuse to get drunk and get dicked! And if you've don't got a peen handy, that's what Craigslist is for. Just make sure you don't get a VD on VD. But if you must, get one that washes off easy and won't leave a mark that concealer can't cover.

I think I'll spend my VD staring into Stains' crystal ball eyes to find the true meaning of love. If I stare long enough, he'll probably hypnotize me into making him a big platter of cupcakes with extra frosting and sprinkles. Or force me to pour him a glass of milk. Which leads me to this mind-boggling amazing clip......

Stains is not only transfixed by cupcakes. He's also mesmerized by a cup of milk! That little whoreball lapping up the milk is cruel. Stains just wants some milk for his cupcakes and that evil bitch is taunting him by slowly drinking it all up with its little tongue. The delicious milk that goes perfect with cupcakes is going away. But fear not. Stains is using his powerful crazy eyes to zap away that tiny slut's vocal cords so it can no longer yap. And we all know a dog like that lives to yap! Stains always wins.

Stains for Emperor of the World!

(Thanks Nicole)

The Carol Channing of praying mantises and Jennie Garth walked in the Heart Truth's Red Dress fashion show yesterday and there was something different about Jennie's face. It's looking a little botoxy. Naw. That bitch thinks she's too good and wholesome for that shit. She probably just stared at Tori Spelling's face of fug too long. Every wrinkle on Jennie's face straightened out in fright. Tori should set up a booth. Just one long stare into Tori's fug mug and you'll have a face like a baby's ass.

(The title is dedicated to my abuelita. It's always Balentine's Day to me.)

HoHan and SamRo can't even stop fighting like a pair of mangy lezzie raccoons on the one where you're not supposed to fight with the bitch who is sucking on your open-face roast beef sandwich (with swiss). Early this morning, those angry lezzies were at it again after leaving the Eldridge Lounge in NYC. They walked all the way to their hotel while screaming at each other and sucking on fag sticks. That's what the pappies claim anyway.

They say HoHan sas yelling at SamRo, "I'm sorry! Forgive me!" The skank's nose must have ate the last 8-ball. Or she accidentally ate a dick. One of those. These pieces of trash need to stop with that narcotic and pick up a bong instead. Make bong, not war. They are so fucking angry-like.

You can't officially declare it a Wino party until an ambulance is called! And that's what happened last night on the Isle of Crackie aka St. Lucia. The Sun says the Crackie of the Caribbean has been taking some kind of crack replacement (probably Methadone?) to help her get off the bad shit. Wino ran out of the medicinal crack and her body wasn't amused, so she started doing the Exorcism shake and finally collapsed. Everyone around her is probably used to that shit. They stopped, dropped and rolled her into the hospital. Oh, Wino!

One source told The Sun, “She looked in a terrible state, a shaking mess. The people with her were very concerned.”

Wino was rushed to her second home, the hospital, and is said to be doing well. Hopefully, she'll check out of that joint shortly. Her spokeswhore just shook his head and said, "Well, you know..." No, he said she was in the hospital because she ran out of her substitute for crack.

Wino's talking bitch said too much. Bitch should have just said she was being treated for exhaustion. You know, it's fucking tiring crawling around and stealing cocktails. Wait. No, the "exhaustion" excuse is out. He should have said she was in the hospital giving birth to nonuplets. That's the new exhaustion.

The woman, the myth, the legend: Phyllis J. McGuire -Phyllis IS Valentine's Day. If you don't know that, then you have a lot to learn. Phyllis can teach you all about romance since it runs through her veins. Well, the veins everywhere but on her face since I don't think she any working ones there.

And it's a fact that Cupid sleeps under Phyllis' wig.

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