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It was only a matter of time, but TMZ got a hold of the picture of RiRi after she allegedly got the beat down from Chris Brown. And it looks like it was a major beat down. I put it behind a cut, because it's obviously not ice cream and rainbows. It's pretty fucking awful and heartbreaking. I really have no words for this. Click here to see it.

Dudes have the luxury of pissing wherever we want, basically. We just have to whip it out and we can go pee times on a tree, abandoned couch, kitten, elderly person, etc... etc... The options are endless. Chicks don't have many options when it comes to pissing on the go, but now they do, thanks to the Go Girl! For the low price of $4.99, the Go Girl allows you to stick a funnel on your cooch and let it flow wherever, whenever! This is not fakery. Here's the description direct from their website:

Simply put, GoGirl is the way to stand up to crowded, disgusting, distant or non-existent bathrooms. It’s a female urination device (sometimes called a FUD) that allows you to urinate while standing up. It’s neat. It’s discrete. It’s hygienic.

GoGirl is easy to use. Just lower your panties, and put GoGirl against your body, forming a seal. Aim and, well, pee. Pretty simple, huh?

It also has a double use! If you're bored and feeling horny, you can turn it around and it instantly becomes a lady jizz slide! And when a bitch makes fun of you for pulling this fuckery out, you can use it to poke their eye out! A piss funnel has so many uses!

VIA Buzzfeed

HAHAHAHAHA! Right? If you laughed until you farted like I did, then you too are a dead hearted evilian, because the girl died after this fall.

Of course, she didn't. It's not like she had that far to fall. Besides, she probably just had a knee scrape and those give you character. Any self-respecting mega slut works very hard to earn knee medals (that's we call them) like that and this ho got some in a matter of seconds.

The girl went sidewalk diving while leaving a Brit Awards after-party with Sarah Harding of Girls Aloud. Here's some pictures documenting the LOLworthy fall. Why is a bitch falling always so fucking funny? Watch, when I get up after this to go get a Pop Tart, I'm totally going to trip and bust my ass bone.

NYC barely got rid of the crazy aliens and here's one of them again! RoboKatie was back in Manhattan today on the set of her new movie The Extra Man which is shooting here for the next few weeks. So this means Suri is back to working 19-hour days posing for the paps on the streets with her Weepy McWeepster mommy. There really needs to be a union for the children of celebwhores. Suri almost has it worse than Kathie Lee's old sweatshop workers.

You know, the last time these bitches took over Manhattan, I never saw them once. Not once. But a lot of whores I know witnessed their fakery. And what's creepy is everyone who came in contact with them said, "They look like such a nice family." CHILLS. Tommy Girl's brainwashing skills are more powerful than I thought. Stay away from me.

This whole OctoMommy gets crazier and crazier as the days go by. So, the country's most hated IVF junkie is getting kicked out of the Whittier house she lives in with her band of children, because she hasn't paid the mortgage in 10-months. The house is owned by her mommy and they owe $24k in back payments. The house could be headed for public auction. Now is your chance to own a piece of OctoMommy!

I know you were cleaning out your guest room dresser drawers to make a place for all of OctoMommy's million babies to sleep in, but you don't have to do that anymore. Crazy Baby Lady might have a new lair! A $1.24 million lair to be exact. HA! Please, look up the word "audacity" and you'll see a picture of a smiling OctoJolie.

TMZ says she looked at a fancy Whittier home today. It has a pool, 4 bedrooms and 2.5 baths. And I'm pretty sure she's still receiving public assistance, but she'll probably use the money from the ten million interviews she's doing.

Click here to see pictures of Octo's new baby poop kingdom. And if you live in CA, you might want to take a closer look, since you're probably paying for some of it. HA! I'm sorry, but I love joking to my mom about that shit. She lives in CA and nearly explodes every time I laugh about it. It's not laughing matter....But it is! You know how I love a certifiable batshit crazy motherfucker and OctoMommy is the epitome of that. I'd have an Amniotic-tini with her (BARF).

And here's some pictures of Crazy Baby Lady at the bank yesterday taking out your money.

Fast Food: Shiny Pictures vs. The Real Shit - Urlesque

Throw this fugly ho overboard - Hollywood Tuna

Camilla Belle's eyebrows are hypnotizing - Egotastic!

Of course the Botox Queen gets the gayest dress - Popsugar

Ginger O'Day is contemplating jumping to her death - Hollywood Rag

This is how I like to see Sienna Miller - Lainey Gossip

Lucy Liu's got the wonk in a bad way but she's still hot (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

St. Angie reads the New York Times. Yup, that's it - Just Jared

NYC's legendary Poster Boy at work - Cityrag

Amanda Lepore looks fresher than Dumpster Pam - Towleroad

Lil' Kim doesn't even look like a human being anymore. Bitch looks like a straight-up house pussy. Bitch could slip into the cast of Garfield without a problem.

The costumers of Dancing with the Has-Beens better not give her anything with too much fringe, because she might stop dancing and start playing with that shit. And if she hears a loud noise, she's going to bolt out of that bitch and hide under the nearest bed. CHERYL BURKE is going to sabotage Lil' Kat by sprinkling cat nip all over the danceflooor. So when you see her rolling around the floor and purring, you know that's what happened. If Lil' Kat wins, they should give her a scratching post instead of a trophy. I'm serious.

Here's some of the rest of the mess cast including Steve-O, Ty Murray, Shawn Johnson, Steve Wozniak, Belinda Carlisle, Jewel, Cunty Richards, Nancy O'Hell and Giles Marini. Of course, they give Mop Head the hottest piece. And I can't wait to see Wozniak and Karina Smirnoff Ice. It's going to look like Teddy Ruxpin busting a move with a Bratz doll.

Visit Zap2It to see pictures of the rest of the hos in need a paycheck.

Now I know why Miley Cyrus pays this hooker the big bucks. It's obviously not for his brains. Although, I'm a little impressed to learn that he can rub his ass crack between a tennis net, grab his crotch and make an "O" face at the same time. Rubbing his nalgas against something is probably the only way he could make a "bust a nut" face. And it grosses me out that I'd hit it, because he's licking on that hillbilly prostitot's huge chipmunk teefs. Like The Soup says, "It's stil a felony!"

And here's another shot of Gaston from VMAN. He really loves getting butt flossed by that net. I'm sure they went out for cocktails at The Abbey after this shoot.