Archives

Some bitches throw a "pay my rent party" in order to raise funds, Vivica Fox takes any damn job offered to her. Any job! This bitch has replaced Dionne Warwick as the new spokeswhore for the Psychic Fakes Network.

Vivi, has it really come to this?! Eating assholes for 50 cents a pop in a back alley dumpster is more respectable than this shit! Damn. Can't somebody bring back Living Dolls, so Vivica can have a job she can be proud of?!

In the meantime, maybe Vivica can ask one of her Psychic Friends where her damn hairline went!

Thanks Pam

Yesterday was one of the biggest televised sporting events of the year: Animal Planet's Puppy Bowl V! Some people died from all the excitement. True fact. Halfway through this heart-stopping and tongue-swallowing event, the puppies went off to clean each other's asses with their tongues and that's when it was the kittens turn to entertain. KITTENS!!!! If you thought the Puppy Bowl killed hearts and made ovaries burst, the Kitty Half-Time Show presented by Bissell (um, ok?) was so spectacularly cute that I think I actually felt warm in my heart area. Or maybe that was just the microwaved saltines and Kraft slices talking.

The "other" Bowl also had their own half-time show. It's kind of gives me "the awwws" that they actually thought they could compete with the world famous KITTY Half-Time Extravaganza. But they did try by bringing out The Leader Bruce Springsteen! Or is it The Supervisor? The Assistant Manager? The Boss? I forget.

You know, Bruce gave that shit all he had. He thrust that crotch like a strung out lunch-shift stripper trying to get a dollar so she can make another layaway payment on her crack rock. Seriously, he was all over it.

Now, even though I give Bruce half-a-clap for his Jersey crotch, the furry pussy balls win this shit! They sealed the deal at the 4:50 mark. I mean, one pussy is nibbling on another pussy's ear! It's so fucking cute that I want to eat my own ear off!

Pussy balls are on top and Jersey crotch is on the bottom.

This D list male singer with A list name recognition always says how much he loves his celebutante girlfriend in public. I bet he does considering how she lets him sleep with as many other women as he wants. She considers it the price for staying in the public eye as much as she can. (CDAN)

Nick Lachey and Vanessa Manilafolders? I'd give Nick one more night (uno noche). Actually, I'd rather see him bump chichis with Jesse Metcalfe.

Which heartthrob actor keeps turning up drunk to the set of his TV medical drama? (Gatecrasher)

Justin Chambers as Dr. McDrunky?

Which actress is about to become the target of a family intervention? This one is a mess. Almost everyone around her agrees that she is out of control with the drinking and drugging and self-harming and needs to go to rehab. What’s holding her up? Her terminal insecurity about her current volatile relationship. She is so completely co-dependent that her Significant Other can’t even go to work without the actress tagging along. However, lest you blame our actress, you should know that the SO clearly understands that their own finances are dependent on continuing the relationship. Little does the SO know, though, that the actress’s family is planning an intervention to cut out the SO and force the actress into rehab. The family has had several conversations with the family of a famous poptart to work through the financial and legal and practical details of how to obtain a conservatorship. Everything will go down before summer. (Blind Gossip)

Take a lighter. Hold it near your crotch. Light it. There! You have my guess!

This C list actor from a fairly hit television drama/action show met this C list genetically blessed actress and the C list actress is now pregnant. What makes this exciting and interesting is the fact that our C list actress' dad already threw the actor out of the house once when he caught the couple in bed together. So, yeah, she still lives at home. Not underage or anything. Just lives at home. (CDAN)

I have nooooooooooo clue. I would guess Milo VentiFrapp and Hayden Pantyparty, but the only bitch that thinks she's "genetically blessed" is the Travelocity gnome.

Four divas, all popular and famous in their own right. During the recent recording of a charity single, all of the performers - including Diva A and Diva B - shared dressing rooms with at least several other performers. However, Diva C and Diva D - who are both under the age of thirty - each demanded their own private dressing rooms decked out with lots of treats for them and their considerable entourages. Diva A and Diva B stepped in to talk directly to the younger Divas and to encourage them to be team players and tone down their demands. Unfortunately, their advice was met with arguing from Diva C and eyerolls from Diva D. (Blind Gossip)

A: Betty White Or Faith Hill?
B: Bea Arthur Or Mary J. Blige?
C: Estelle Getty (from heaven) Or Alicia Keys?
D: Rue McClanahan Or Beyonce?
E: YO MAMA!

Harvey almost makes me happier than an open bar. Almost. If Harvey was carrying a bottle of Alize, my face would probably turn inside out. Since Harvey is one of my favorite things since Dippin' Dots, I am keeping up with his entire Los Angeles adventure.

Today, Harvey visited the Junior Blind of America center with a camera crew in tow. My wish is that they are filming HARVEY: The 3D Spectacular Sensation, but I'm assuming it's just for Peter Andre and Katie Price's shit reality show.

This is the part where they whore out their almost-blind soon and have a few laughs about it. Oh, Harvey. Please tell me them to "fuck off" in seven different languages, because I know you can.

Birthday: October 1954
Age: 54 (but she claims she's 688 years-old)
Birth Name: Maria Antonia Perez Sanchez

Original Date of HS of the Day: January 25, 2009
Claim to Fame: Aramis is a low-budget Spanish TV star who made headlines after claiming she screwed James Hewitt in the back of an SUV on a beach. Aramis also claims she's the world's only true witchy poo poo who has lived 7 lives and knows the cure for AIDS.

Where is she now? Most likely cleaning up the mirror she broke after looking at it. It broke because it was afraid of her intense witch powers!

Why is he HS of the Week? We here at Dlisted have a special place in our black souls for delusional bitches with faces like Jocelyn Wildenstein's twatty lips. We especially love it when said delusional bitches have eyebrows that can make a Sharpie weep.

And let's all celebrate Aramis' natural beauty by watching this photo montage of her:

When a grown man uses the fuck word at least twice in once sentence, I'm instantly in fucking love. And that's why Christian Bale and I must be together, so that he can yell at me all day and night. Ahaha. TMZ posted the most hilarious audio of Christian busting his vocal chords on the set of Terminator: Salvation. The crazy bitch seriously loses it. Bitch pulls a Bill O'Reilly times a million! He is beating hos with his voice.

Christian's head exploded and the caca hit the fan when the director of photography accidentally walked into the scene to check the light. Or as Christian puts it, "Then why the fuck are you walking right through like 'adadadaaa,' like this in the background." HA! The take was ruined and Christian blew the fuck up. He straight up ripped the dude a new asshole and then fucked that shit without lube!

Christian threatened to quit that bitch if the dude wasn't fired. The tape was sent to the insurance company by producers in case Christian dropped out of the movie.

Christian's supreme douchebaggery has top billing on this audio tape, but the DP steals the damn show. He sounds like a wee little chihuahua of a man who is cowering under Christian. I can imagine the sweat waterfall pouring off his forehead. Especially when he answers, "Um...I was looking at the light." He's kind of adorable.

Click here to listen to the whole thing. It's a little NSFWish.

Honestly, this shit will make you want to take a hit from your bong and blow it towards Christian, so he can chill the eff out.

That said, movie making sounds fun!

American soldiers are just like us! They also make glittery gay videos to Don't Stop Believin' - Towleroad

Little Hermione Granger is so edgy - Egotastic!

John Mayer actually made a funny! - Popsugar

St. Angie pops into SNL's Weekend Update. The bitchface is all wrong, but everything else is spot on - Just Jared

Megan Fox hearts her ass - Hollywood Tuna

Greasy Bear is sucking on this nipple. No wonder it looks all chewed up and shit (NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Slumgdog Millionaire's trophy shelf is going to bust - Lainey Gossip

Booze is what happened to Nick Nolte - Cityrag

Sorry, but Chris Brown's shot girl doesn't have the power of RiRi's tenhead - Hollywood Rag

Also, today is the last day to vote for the Bloggies. Dlisted is up for Gossip and Blog of the Year. If you haven't already voted, click here to do so. That's if you want to. Spaghetti Cat will give you a lap dance if you do.

A shit load of snow busted all over London this morning! This is exactly what it looks like when Amy Wino sneezes. And I bet Kate Moss thought she fucking died and gone to cokey heaven. Bitch ran outside with a cut-off straw and was ready for a snort party.

Anyway, this is the heaviest snowfall London has seen in like 18 years. This shit has fucked up traffic and closed down shows. It also brought out Lily Allen in her polar bear dick bush hat for a good old-fashioned snowball fight.

You know, snowball fights are a barrel of fucking laughs when you're a willing participant. But the last time it majorly snowed in NYC, I was walking down the street trying hard not to bust my ass, when a gang of drunk whores spilled out of a bar for a snowball fight. Those fucktards starting throwing balls at anyone who walked by. My stupid ass wore the wrong shoes, so I couldn't run for it. I had to carefully dodge that shit while calling them all cunts! That made them throw bigger balls at me. It wasn't not funny! I mean, I love a big white load to the face, but not like that!

Whitney Houston and Bobby Kris have flow in to host this open post for you. Yeah, so you might want to stick the crack pipes underneath the sofa for now. You can bring them back out during the next open post.

And Whitney isn't flashing the peace sign. To her, that's the "crack is whack" sign. Or maybe the "Got a doody double? My two fingers can help!" sign? Probably the latter.

Those eyes have seen the flames of Hell close-up! Punxsutawney Phil once again delivered us horrific news: six more weeks of freezing our ass lips off! Motherphuka! Phuck off, Phil!

I swear, Phil's groundhog hole (or wherever he comes from) probably leads directly to Satan's bed chambers. He pulled this shit last year! Can't he just lie to us? Phil can easily waddle out and keep his eyes straight. He doesn't have to look at his shadow, he can just keep his evil eyes up and straight forward. This bitch wants us all to suffer in pain!

You know, I can't say I totally blame him. Every year, he has to shuffle out, knowing that a couple of pepaws are going to grab all over his business. He's making us suffer right along with him. I mean, look at the shit he has to put up with:

By the way, over in Staten Island, Chuck the groundhog didn't see his shadow which means Spring is coming early! So, who to believe? Yeah, I think we should all roll with Chuck this year.

Happy Groundhog Day, everyone!